


Heartlines

by Ella_Imagines, LoveThoseWhoArentReal



Category: DCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Multi, Rating May Change, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-09-22 02:30:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 63,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17051378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ella_Imagines/pseuds/Ella_Imagines, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveThoseWhoArentReal/pseuds/LoveThoseWhoArentReal
Summary: AU! Where you know who’s your soulmate because of the “heartlines” that light up the first time you touch your soulmate.Y/N is running from the harsh words her supposed soulmates (yes, plural, that’s her very own punishment, having more than one soulmate) told her and while in the run, someone kidnaps her.





	1. Harsh Words

**Author's Note:**

> So this series were originally posted on my tumblr (ellaimagines), but I'm deciding on posting it here too, without editing or revising because... because I'm lazy and that's that. I'm literally just copy/pasting the post in my blog.  
> So, anyway... I hope you enjoy.

My legs felt numb, my lungs hurt, my eyes burned from all the unshed tears, but still, I kept running. I couldn’t stop… because I knew that if I did… then I would have to face the truth and I wasn’t in for that now, or ever for that matter.  So run I did and I was doing so well at forgetting the world around me, that I didn’t notice someone following me until he got my arm rather forcefully and I felt something in my neck that probably was a shot of some drug.

I woke up bound in a chair not knowing even my name and with the mother of all headaches. However for the next hours, I learnt to miss that state of ignorance since everything came rushing back to me:

_-“Y/N, this is not a good moment” “But Barry, I just…” “Iris needs me, I need to go” “I-Is she alright? Is she in d-danger?” “What? No! She just… needs me and I’m going with her” “But Barry… I need you too, I- my dad came and…” “And what? Y/N, can’t you stand a day without being the victim?” “What? Barry, what are you trying…” “All I say is that it always has to be about you, always! But I have no time for that now; I need to go with Iris” “Is she more important than me? Than us?” “Y/N…” “Answer me” “Y/N, I don’t have time for this…” “Just answer me, dammit!” “…Yes, is that what you wanted to hear? Now I have to go”_

 

 

 _-“Clark! Please, we need to talk!” “Not now Y/N, I’m in a hurry” “What? Why?” “Lois is going to reportage about the war in…” “And that’s your business because?” “Because it’s dangerous and she is… very important to me” “Am I important too?” “What? Y/N of course you are, don’t be ridiculous” “Is just… that she is always first, these days your priority is Lois” “Y/N…” “She is just your favorite person, isn’t she?” “Y/N, please…” “Do I even make it to the top ten?” “Of course, baby. Can I go now?” “Are you serious?” “Very. The plane goes off in less than half an hour, Lois must be waiting” “And you can’t leave her waiting, can you?” “Y/N…” “If… if you go through that door, Clark, I swear…” “Thanks, bye!”_ _“…you’ll never see me again”_

 

 

_\- “Alfred, take Y/N back to her home in Metropolis” “Bruce! Stop! You cannot do this; we have to talk” “That’s why you have speedy and the alien, to talk and be sweet to you” “Bruce, please! We need to solve this, we need to talk this through” “There’s no time, Y/N. However, I’m sure Barry or Clark would be delighted to have you with them for the night” “None of them cares for me enough, Bruce… I just need to know that I matter to someone, then you can go and save the city, but please… ” “Then what am I? Your last choice?” “What? No! Bruce, it isn’t like that, you know I love you all” “You’ve said that plenty of times before” “Bruce, please… I just need a reason not to go… I need a reason to stay” “Apparently, I don’t have one” “Bruce…” “If you want to go, then go! See if I give a shit”_

 

 

-Oh! Sleeping Beauty is finally awake-someone cracked and made me look up. In front of the door of the room I was in, was a tall man. I couldn’t distinguish much more since the lights were still off.   
-Have been for a couple of hours, actually-I answered calm since this wasn’t the first hostage situation I was in, after all, being the soulmate of 3 known superheroes has its downside. The only difference from this occasion was that here I didn’t had the certainty that one of them would rescue me.   
-Well, sorry for the delay, then-he started to come near me- We were just staging everything for the big show.   
-I’m guessing I’m an important part of it, aren’t I?-I said with a tired smile, which he, whoever he was, corresponded.  
-The main event! Everything is about you, my dear-the lights were finally turned on and after I got used to the light, I took a look to my captor.  
-Edward?-I gasped surprised. My publisher was right there, in front of me. If I ignored the crazy smile on his face, is like he was the normal Edward I knew as my publisher, my friend, my shoulder to cry on… and now, my captor.   
-I know you’re surprised, dear. However, do try to be open minded… because isn’t this just fun? I mean, it’s fun for me because your face is priceless but for you… oh, dear Y/N, this must be horrible. Everyone in your life isn’t really there for you anymore, are they? No, they aren’t-he answered his own question before I could- I mean, let’s see: your parents are now dead, your brother is off to Europe and you two don’t talk much anymore, you don’t even know he is married now!-he laughed  
-What?!-I exclaimed, confused.  
-Oh, yeah, that’s because the invitations were delivered to your boyfriends’ houses, but none of them cared enough to tell you about it.   
-That’s not true, my brother doesn’t even have a girlfriend, he…  
-But he does, see it for yourself-he put his cellphone right in front of me. I could see my brother in a tuxedo, embracing lovingly a woman with blonde curly hair and milky skin-… and let’s not forget about the video I took!-he said starting a video where I could see my brother chatting with some people I didn’t knew, holding the blonde’s hand, laughing, smiling…  
-You were there?!-I shouted, surprised when I saw him in the video  
-Of course! I was very surprised when I didn’t saw you there and that’s when I started to work out your failing relationships-he murmured while putting away his phone.  
-My relationships aren’t failing  
-No? Then, care to explain this?-he clicked something in his cellphone and Barry’s voice started to sound

_“I need to go with Iris” “Is she more important than me? Than us?” “Y/N…” “Answer me” “Y/N, I don’t have time for this…” “Just answer me, dammit!” “…Yes, is that what you wanted to hear? Now I have to go”_

-Or maybe this one?-another click and now was Clark’s voice

_“Y/N…” “If… if you go through that door, Clark, I swear…” “Thanks, bye!” “…you’ll never see me again”_

-Maybe this other one?-one click more and now I could hear Bruce’s voice

_“Bruce…” “If you want to go, then go! See if I give a shit”_

-I know! All of them were out of context, huh?-he said with a bright smile, staring down at me. I gulped down all the tears that threatened to come out and tried to talk.

-What do you want from me?-I asked, looking down.  
-What do I want from you? Right now, just admit what you already know… that they don’t love you, even though their heartlines illuminated with you, they don’t love you.  
-I… Why?  
-Because you have to do it-he answered harshly, however, I just wanted to know why and I wasn’t backing down  
-Tell me why and I’ll do it-I said proudly looking up- Maybe because you think you are better than them, you think you deserve a chance with me, you think…-I couldn’t continue because of a slap in my face that launched me to the ground.  
-I don’t “think” I’m better than them or that I deserved a chance, I know it! I’ve always known that but you refused to accept it. I was the perfect candidate to be the one who lit up your fourth heartline! I even considered forgetting you are a whore since birth! But you ruined your chances and now I’m here to show you your mistake-he ended with a smile while he grabbed the chair I was in and put it back to place without a care.  
-What are you going to do?-I asked trying not to show my fear, but failing miserably  
-I’m going to put on a show where you will be able to see how your soulmates don’t care one bit about you and…  
-I already know that-I interrupted him  
-Oh, so you are not making any bets? No hope that any of the 3 will come to get you?-he said with a giggle that I found terrifying.  
-No, I have no hope at all… will you end this game now?-I said while looking down  
-Unfortunately for you, I do have my bets and consequential plans with those bets  
-Weren’t you going to show me how they didn’t care enough for me?  
-Oh yes! But my plans were to attract them here, to you, and then show you how the only reason they came was because they were heroes, not because they loved you… however, it never occurred to me that they weren’t coming. So, if you are right, then I’m afraid that this is your last night alive-he laughed even more while I opened my eyes in shock.  
-No… Edward, why are you doing this?-I asked in tears  
-Because: A) It’s fun! B) You obviously deserve it, I mean; you are a freak with those four heartlines and C) This plan has been going for a long time, I wanted to play with my rivals for some time now, but now they are no longer my rivals… once you are out of the picture, they will be my playmates.  
-Edward… please, just… I need to say goodbye to my brother, please-I said trying hard not to scream and cry for mercy because I knew he wouldn’t give that to me, he was clearly a psychopath and psychopaths don’t give a shit for their victims. But I at least wanted to say goodbye to my brother, he was a good brother and if he had a family I didn’t want them to see me like the aunt bitch that never communicated nor cared.  
-I suppose everyone needs a closure and I like your brother, he was very kind to send me an invitation…-he murmured while he thought about it- Okay, you can say goodbye to him. There’s a camera right there-Edward lifted my chair and rotated it to my left, where I could see for the first time a camera that was apparently recording- I was going to send a copy to the Justice League but I guess I could send your brother another copy.   
-Could you, please, cut the parts of my torture?-I said with a slight tremble, earning a confused glare and a twisted smile from Edward  
-How did you know I was going to torture you?  
-It’s obvious… you want to make me suffer for not choosing you, even though I don’t have a say on it-I said gazing up to him and his smile just widened.  
-Yeah, obvious… go on, then-he motioned to the camera and I sighed.

-Hi brother!-I said being over cheerful- I heard you got married and I just want to say ‘Congratulations, you bastard!’ I hope you are incredibly happy with her and… I also hope that you forgive for not being there with you. I’ve been nothing but an awful sister and for that I’m sorry, you deserved better.  You deserved a much better sister than what I could ever be… I… I wish we had talked more, that we hadn’t drift apart but there’s not much we can do now. So I want to tell you that none of this is your fault, none! I know it’s rare from me taking away from you some guilt, but… well, I love you bro, that’s all I can say and I want to show it to you by forgiving everything you did to me when we were children, because I know you sometimes still feel guilty about it, and I also asking for forgiveness for everything I’ve done to you in our childhood and in our adult life. I hope you can forgive me… especially for apologizing only when I’m so close to my death.-I sighed  
-I know that when this arrives to your home in Europe I will already be dead… and I’m sorry for that too. I’m sorry that you will know of my death because of a video or maybe a phone call or anything, I’m sorry I’m dead because maybe you are going to feel guilty or maybe you are going to drift apart from your beautiful wife… so, in this video, I ask you to do neither of those things. I ask you to go on with your life and don’t hate me, or this situation, or anything about it… just… go on and be happy knowing that’s what I wish for you-by this time, tears were freely streaming down my face  
-God! I’m awful for this things… everything I’ve said doesn’t make sense and you are probably done with this video… however, if you have come this far, I want you to know that I love you, I couldn’t ask for a better brother and that I will always be sorry for being an awful sister. Oh! Also, you don’t have to be guilty about anything I…  
-That’s enough!-Edward interrupted me while moving my chair to the side- Too much yada, yada. Now it’s time to get you ready… Guys!-Some over-muscled goons entered the room; their faces were stoic… where the hell do all of these villains get these goons that are so alike? - Why don’t you get our main guest ready for tonight’s show?-he said while grabbing the camera and giving it a better position, one where my face could be seen clearly along with the goons.  
The fat men exited the room, but were back soon enough.  
-Y-you are going to record this?-I asked slightly trembling at the sight of the goons carrying an electroshock machine.   
-Of course! The Justice League members can’t miss the backstage show now, can they?-he said with a horrible smile.

I just gulped and hoped against hope that Barry, Clark or Bruce came for me… noticed that I was gone… but deep down, I knew they wouldn’t come.


	2. Sticks and Stones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N was kidnapped and had no hope of being saved. Her captor, after torturing her, makes a bet with her.

-It’s finally time boys!-Edward said excited as a four-year-old in Christmas Eve- Let’s get her up, up, up to the roof!  
The goons, who have been torturing me along Edward for what seemed like ages, unbounded the ropes that held me and put me on my feet. I wasn’t able to stand upright and they knew it.   
-You a-are gonna make me walk, are you?-I asked shivering to Edward, who was holding the camera that recorded all my torture. He laughed.  
-Of course! Unless you want one of my guys to drag you?-he asked with a smile and I just sighed and braced myself for the pain that still awaited me.   
Obviously, we didn’t take the elevator; instead we took the stairs of this lonely building. My legs gave up plenty of times and not once one of them helped me, so it took a while to get to the roof. However, Edward didn’t seem very bothered by that, in fact he seemed to enjoy every time I fell.

Once we were in the roof, my shivering increased since it was raining in Gotham City now and my clothes were mostly ripped from all the torture, but none of the people present cared so I just hugged myself and tried to calm myself. I kept repeating in my mind “This is going to end soon, it’s almost over” because, at this point, I just wished everything to end, to just die and end with all this suffering. In this moment, I wished to die like never before in my life; all of Edward’s emotional and physical torture had really made a number on me and I was just exhausted.

-Now dear, have a seat-Edward said offering me a very comfortable looking chair, with red plush and all, while he adjusted the camera for it to keep recording. I stumbled until I got there and plopped down on it since there was no case on refusing anything to him right now-Good girl-he praised mockingly, imitating what Bruce used to call me on the rare occasions I obeyed him. I grimaced at the memory.

_“Y/N, please, sit down” he sighed tiredly. “I’m not a dog, Bruce Wayne!” however, I did sit, earning a smile from him. “Good girl” “I hate you” “I love you too, my dearest Y/N” “You better not tell Barry or Clark about me obeying you…” “Wouldn’t dream of it! After all, you are **my good girl** ” he smiled warmly and I corresponded._

 

-Not going to tie me up?-I asked somewhat surprised.  
-Not necessary. If you try anything, I could easily stop you since by now, moving a single finger should take a lot of effort, am I wrong?-he smiled crazily and I just sighed  
-No, you’re not.   
-Good! Now we can start!-he said excitedly while pulling out his phone. However, he stopped when he noticed my confused look- Oh! Let me explain you, sweetheart. What kind of host would I be if I didn’t? You see, you’re obviously in danger and because of your fantastic belief of no one coming; I had the incredible idea of making a bet against you. My bet is that at least one of the superheroes will come to save you and then have our fun. But to make it fair to you, they will have to choose.   
-To choose? What are their options?-I asked curiously, maybe I still had a chance of surviving this.  
-For Superman, he will have to choose between saving the courageous Miss Lane and saving you, his “precious” soulmate.  
-No chance there-I murmured, shaking my head. Clark would choose Lois and you don’t need to be a genius to know that Barry would choose Iris above me, because obviously, Iris was his other option. Bruce was my only hope- And Batman? What would be his choices?-I asked, hoping it was between the Joker and me; at least I had a chance there.   
-Oh! For Batman it will be save you or… save the lives of five innocent people we picked up randomly!-his laugh increased whilst my blood turned cold. That was it. I’m dead. –Don’t be so pessimistic, honey!- he said after I apparently said my thoughts out loud- There’s still The Flash, don’t you wanna know what his options are?  
-Let me guess-I grunted- Iris and me? Really, if you wanted to make him come, you should’ve picked anyone but Iris.  
-Oh, but where is the fun on that? I bet that at least one of them will come; maybe Superman or Flash-he snickered.  
-Ha!-I snorted- My best chance was Batman! Nonetheless, he is selfless so he won’t come and risk five innocent lives. I’ve always respected and appreciated that about him. So, all of my chances are gone, you can end this now and get me off the building.  
-Not so fast, missy. What about the other two? You don’t believe in-he giggled uncontrollably for a few seconds, and when he was able to control it he continued- “their eternal love”? Not even a little to make a bet?   
-No, I don’t and neither do you. I mean, you do remember all the psychological torture, don’t you?-I sassed. Because seeing as this were my last moments, at least I wanted to have a bit of self-respect left, and that includes keep being my sassy self-  Anyway, we’ll do this you way. We’ll make a bet.   
-Fantastic! You already know what I bet on  
-And you know what I’m betting on, so what’s the prize?-I asked crossing my arms, trying to ignore my continuous shivering.  
-Prize? Well… if you win, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you were right-he laughed- and let’s not forget! You also die. If I win, then the same is for me… without me dying, but you’ll die one way or another, so…-he shrugged- what could you possibly want?  
-Mercy for my brother-I answered- If… if I win, then you will cut the video for my brother and only send him my goodbye.   
-You want me to edit the video for your brother? Not for the Justice League?-he smiled  
-The Justice League can deal with torturing, my brother can’t. So, do whatever you want to the video for the Justice League, I don’t really care  
-And if I win?  
-Then you’ll do as you planned on the beginning, you’ll send the complete video to both of them-I said while praying he accepted the deal. I didn’t wanted to make my brother suffer more… while for the Justice League, I was sorry for Diana, Oliver and Arthur, they would probably be sorry or even guilty for what happened to me… however, I can’t do anything about it.  
-Hmmm… it’s a deal sweetheart-he said as he stretched his hand to me and I took it.   
-Well then… what are we waiting for, now?-I asked while peeking at how high this building was. I’ve already guessed from the stairs that this was, at least, a five story building. However, looking down, it seemed that these were eight stories, minimum.   
-Now that everything is settled, nothing. I just have to make the calls for your boyfriends to tell them their options and how much time they have to decide. Oh! And also, to tell them that your other partners have the same though decision to make-he cracked while he typed something on his phone.

I heard him make the calls. First, it was Bruce: he was calm and collected, probably trying to trace where the call was coming from, but Edward was smarter than that. He explained himself clearly without stopping for Bruce to answer and made perfectly clear that, if there was any sign of him trying to save me or get near the address he would later send, then the hostages would be killed.   
After that, was Clark’s turn: he seemed angry with the news and started pressuring Edward to tell him where I was, but then he mentioned Lois was in danger and he just lost it. “You’ll have to choose, Supes. Lois or Y/N, you only have time to reach one of them… oh! And just to be fair, let me tell you that Bats and speedy are in a similar situation to yours, so consider that if you don’t save her,  _ **maybe nobody will**_ ”.   
At last, it was Barry: he asked where I was, but as soon as he heard “Iris” he forgot about me and was desperate hearing the instructions, I could hear something similar to “I’ll save them both” but I knew he couldn’t, _wouldn’t_  be able to do so. Edward knew that too and so just laughed.

Less than a minute passed since he hanged up on Barry and an alarm sounded.   
-Time’s up!-Edward cheered while getting closer to me; I just stared at him until he was centimeters away from me- Seems that you will win this bet, honey. But before we see that, let me tell you something funny, yeah? Okay so… the funny thing is that neither Lois nor Iris nor innocent people are in danger right now. It was all a lie! Just to see who would your partners choose and… they didn’t choose you! They left you to die for nothing! So, do me a favor and while you fall, think of that, okay? They left you die for nothing!-he shouted again while pushing me of the roof. I couldn’t maintain my balance and fell.

I fell and uselessly tried to hold onto something while I felt the wind and in my mind the words from Edward repeated “They left you die for nothing! For nothing!” again and again. It was like echo in my head and, when the memories of them crossed my mind, I couldn’t hear anything but those words.   
Just before I touched the ground, I accepted them… because they were true. Then I closed my eyes and just waited.

Then there was nothing.

* * *

Edward saw you land on the floor and then blood starting to pour out.   
-Huh… who would have thought?-he shrugged and then ordered his goons to go for your corpse, seeing as none of the superheroes were coming for it. He set the camera off and started editing the video for your brother; after all, he was a man of word. Once that was ready, he sent it to your brother and then sent the unedited version to the Justice League. Oh! How he wished he could see the faces of his new playmates when they saw this masterpiece.   
He heard his goons come over. Now he would just set your body in flames, the perfect finale! However, the Justice League would miss it, since they didn’t follow his plans they deserved the punishment of not knowing what happened to your body. He was about to yell to his guys to bring you over so he could go home (because, jeesh, it sure was raining!) when something hit him on the back of the head, making him go down.  
Someone went for him to take him to justice, while others inspected the place and found you. They decided to take you too.

* * *

> _**Hall of Justice:** _

Diana was just entering the Hall of Justice when the computer notified her of something important that required the Leagues’ attention. She figured she would see it first and then call the team if necessary. It was a video, she noticed, so she pressed play and immediately confronted an image of you bound to a chair, unconscious.

-Y/N!

Worried as hell, Diana made the computer verify its contents, resulting on them being real not a fake. So, she immediately called the Justice League members:

-Everyone, hear me out. This is an emergency! Please, we need to help Y/N!-she yelled into the communicator and hoped that everyone hurried up.  While she waited, she anxiously tried to localize where this video was sent from and, once the computer was left to do that, she played the video forward. She could see the torture parts, but kept pressing forward, wanting to see the end of it. Maybe it was a threat? Maybe the kidnapers wanted something in exchange for your life? She paused when you plopped down on a red chair, and started to watch it, tapping anxiously the table and hoping that this video ended on some request and not your death.


	3. Oh, wish you were here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N is dead and she left three soul mates lost in their life.

_“No chance there”._

Clark couldn’t keep your voice out of his head, just repeating time after time:

_**“No chance there”** _

You didn’t trust him, you didn’t think he would be there, you lost the faith you once had on him… and it hurt like hell to know that you were right to lose your faith in him. The video of your torturing and… eventual death had really affected him. When he saw your death… he couldn’t stop crying because he had saved thousands of unimportant girls falling off buildings but he wasn’t there to save you, the love of his life, his true soulmate.

He loved you and that was so clear at the beginning of your relationship, he just couldn’t understand how it stopped to be clear. He used to show you much he adored you, how much he loved you… until Lois appeared. He didn’t blame Lois, of course he didn’t; he blamed himself.

You were a miracle, that much he always knew. He used to think that he would never find his soulmate in this world since he was from another one; no matter how much Martha had insisted on how the color of the heartline clearly stated that his soulmate was alive, he didn’t believe it. He thought he was condemned to be alone for the rest of his life, until you came into the picture. One day you just fell in the middle of the street and no one but him, offered to help you get all of your papers back into their folders.

 _“Thanks” you smiled to him when he gave you the last folder._  
“No problem, miss” he answered with a smile, too.   
“I’m on a bit of a rush now, but I feel like I should really give you something in exchange for your help, so would you like to go get a cup of coffee sometime?” you mumbled this under your breath, afraid of him rejecting you… but there was no way in hell he could reject someone as cute as you.   
“Although I don’t think you need to thank me anymore, I would love to have a cup of coffee” he smiled, hearing to your heartbeat going faster.   
“Oh!” you answered surprised and then smiled the way he would soon just love “Well, the name is Y/N and…” you said while placing down all of your papers carefully just to take a blank sheet of paper “Do you have something to write with?” you asked and he desperately searched in his pockets for his pen, to finally give it to you when he found it a minute later “Thanks!” you said whilst you scribbled something down on the paper. When you finished, you gave him both the paper and the pen. He took them a little bit confused and watched you as you took your folders from the floor “And that is my phone number… um, sorry, but what’s your name again?” you asked a little embarrassed. He found you to be extremely fascinating.   
“Clark, my name’s Clark Kent” he stretched his hand as a reflex.   
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Clark” you said while grabbing his hand.  
The moment your hand touched his, you both felt like an electric current going down your bodies. You both looked down to your laced hands and saw how one of your heartlines from your right hand illuminated, while his left one shined as bright as yours.   
“Seems like the pleasure is all mine, Y/N” he smiled, still holding your hand.  
“It also seems like that coffee is going to be moved to right now” you answered with a glint in your eyes.   
“I thought you were in a hurry?”  
“I was just going to meet my publisher, no big deal. We can meet tomorrow after I learned everything about my new found soulmate” your smile was making his heart jump.   
“I would love to tell you everything about me, if you correspond” he said being a little flirty. In reality, he would wait a couple of months to tell you his secret. After all, he wouldn’t want to scare you.    
“You just got yourself a deal” you winked at him while grabbing your phone to tell your publisher you wouldn’t make it.

That evening was one of the best in his life, only outmatched by other evenings by your side. At the time, he hadn’t cared at all that you had three other heartlines, and therefore, other three soulmates. He figured that he was very lucky to even have a soulmate and even more so when it was someone like you, he didn’t care you came with other three people, he would deal with it as long as you were by his side.   
That was what he used to say to himself every day to comfort himself… he just couldn’t imagine you being with anyone but him, neither did he like the idea that much. In truth, he was  _terrified_ from the mere idea of you leaving him for one of the other three. So, when you met Bruce and Barry, he distanced a bit from you… he just wanted to make the pain a little bit more bearable if his fears came true.

That’s when he met Lois in the Daily Planet and his right “heartline” (everyone knew that the right heartlines weren’t as important as the left ones, however someone who once lit up your right heartline could someday lit up your left one; he was still waiting the day he could light up one of your left ones) lit up like a Christmas tree. He was so confused because he barely met Lois but she attracted him in a way… a way you didn’t. Lois was a risk taker while you, on the other hand, liked risks to a certain point: meaning that you wouldn’t put your life on risk stupidly, not even if you had 3 superheroes as boyfriends. This danger attracted Clark, he thinks that’s because Lois ** _needed_**  him in a way you didn’t. You were rarely the damsel in distress (also, you absolutely  **hated**  that term to be used on you) and when you found yourself in need of a hero, he wasn’t the only one to come looking for you. Even though he was glad that you were clearly safe, he sometimes wanted…  _needed_  to feel important, unique… and Lois’ only lighted up heartline was the right, the heartline he had lightened up. Meaning that  _for the time being_ , he was the only one for her.

Clark was stupid enough to forget that he already had found his soulmate and, instead of keep on dreaming with someday make one of your left heartline shine; he started to dream about being Lois’ soulmate. This made him do even more stupid things… like making Lois a priority and placing you in a second place. You obviously noticed and he just escaped every time you tried to confront him even though Clark knew how much time it took you to collect the courage to do it since you were so insecure (oh, your insecurities… they made him want to cuddle with you all day long and just shower you with his immense love, show you how perfect you were and erase them from your mind). However his fears of losing you made him forget his empathy for your insecurities and made him avoid you at all cost when you had that lovely determined face that meant: ‘I want answers and you’re going to give them to me, one way or another’.

So, the last day that he saw you… he just didn’t take seriously what you had said to him:   
“ If… if you go through that door, Clark, I swear…you’ll never see me again”  
There was no reason to believe you would go through your promise… as far as he knew, your relationship with Barry and Bruce would maintain you always at his reach, always giving him the opportunity for apologizing. However, while checking your apartment for any clues that would lead to… the fucking bastard that took your life, Edward, he found a plane ticket to India. In your diary was the description of your plan:  
You were going to go off to India, then go through land to a little city that barely had enough resources, it much less had any way of contact to the outer world. You had enough money in your bags to live comfortably for a few years… you were going to escape from them, since you didn’t had a reason to stay… he still couldn’t figure out what you meant with that.

He felt as his world stopped when he knew this. Knowing you didn’t wanted to be with him anymore and that you had _really_  planned to go away from him… it would’ve been less painful just dealing with the guilt of your death. Now, he had to deal with the pain of your loss, the pain of never seeing you again, of knowing you didn’t trusted him, that you had lost your faith on him added to the turn of events: that you didn’t wanted to be with him anymore… he had hurt you so much that you couldn’t stand it more.  

Clark cleaned the tear that had escaped his left eye and, unintentionally, his gaze caught  _your_ heartline… it was a light grey now. He felt his eyes fill with more tears at this sight… your heartline was always colorful… it either was a deep red or a light blue, but it always was colorful, never a dull grey.

-Clark, are you there?-Oliver asked through the intercom. He cleared his throat before answering.  
-Yes, Oliver. What do you need?  
-There will be a meeting, here in the Justice Hall in about half an hour. Can you come?  
-Yes, yes of course  
-Please, don’t be late. Diana is already pissed off by Batman calling on this emergency meeting and… you know- Clark could almost hear Oliver rolling his eyes.  
-Yeah, don’t worry about it. I will be sure to not make Diana anymore angry- Clark nodded. Diana was someone very difficult to deal with since your death as she blamed the three of them for the death of her best friend, you.   
-You do that. Well, see ya

The communication was cut and Clark got up from bed, not giving it a second glance since he knew it would be empty. While he walked to the bathroom to take a shower, he tried to avoid all of the pictures with you on it. It had been only two months and he still couldn’t look at one of your photographs without crumbling. So, like he had done with the real you for the last months, he tried to ignore them since he didn’t have the heart to remove them. Clark sighed because this day didn’t show any signs for it to get better and it was only 11 am in his day off.   
This was going to be a very long day, he knew. 

* * *

 ** _“Is she more important than me? Than us?”_** _Your voice was trembling, so unsure. Barry wanted to hold you and tell you how no one could be more important than you were to him, not even Iris._  
 **“…Yes, is that what you wanted to hear? Now I have to go”**  He heard himself answer and wanted nothing more than to smash his head against the wall for his brute and dishonest response, but he was so angry… and he didn’t even knew why.   
Your face, however, was what really destroyed him. You looked so devastated, so hurt, so vulnerable… and it went to such lengths that he could feel it himself by the bond you two shared. He couldn’t erase what he said, he didn’t knew how to…so he trusted that Clark or Bruce (most likely, Clark) would make it better for you. After all,  **he wasn’t your only one** , he thought bitterly before dashing to Iris.  
However, when he stopped running, he wasn’t anywhere near Iris’ house.   
 **“Let me guess, Iris and me? Really, if you wanted to make him come, you should’ve picked anyone but Iris.”**  There you were, bruised and bleeding on a red chair, talking to a man in front of you. That man was Edward, the bastard that… no. He still had time, he just had to reach to you, save you… but something held him from running.   
-No! Y/N! Y/N! Please, I have to save her!-he shouted, fighting whatever was restraining him of saving you.- Please! She’s my soulmate! Y/N!-he kept on shouting, trying to get to you.  
Then, before he could reach you, the bastard got near you and just pushed you of the roof.   
-Noo! Y/N! Please, let me save her! She’s my soulmate! She’s my soulmate!  
But you were gone. Your head hit the floor and he knew there was no way of saving you. He cried and shouted for you, to at least hold you one last time… maybe you weren’t dead. He kept fighting the restraints and shouting “She’s my soulmate!” on and on. He was getting tired and frustrated, so he turned around to fight whatever was restraining him of getting by you side… and there was Iris, smiling, holding his hands gently.   
-Barry?-she asked softly… but he didn’t want her tenderness, he wanted you.  
-No, no! Y/N! She’s my soulmate!-he repeated trying to get free of Iris grip. “

Barry woke up shaking and mumbling ‘ _She’s my soulmate, she’s my soulmate’._  He tried to calm down but he just couldn’t stop the image of you… of your face while you were tortured psychologically just after some stupid goons had made your throat go dry because of all the screaming, because of all the pain, how your face disfigured by the pain of being told how no one, not even your soulmates, loved you and you believing it. He couldn’t stop hearing the bitterness in your voice when you said how he would never pick you instead of Iris. He couldn’t stop his mind from replaying the moment where you hit the ground. _And it was all too painful._  
So, in the middle of the night, just illuminated by the moon and only being able to distinguish a photo of you smiling lovingly to him in his nightstand, Barry Allen cried for his soulmate.

 

He cried because he was so sorry. He was sorry for not saving you, for making you feel bad, for ignoring you when you needed him, for being jealous of the others when you always showed love to him, never making him any less.

He cried because he missed you  ** _so much_**. He missed your smile and your laughter, have been missing them for more months than he could count, actually… but when you were alive, he figured you were just upset about something and wouldn’t pay attention to it. He missed your scent in his clothes and his things. He missed your eyes, always lingering on him way longer than what many considered acceptable. He missed your voice, making a sarcastic remark or a witty comment, maybe yelling at him. He missed how you blushed whenever you saw him topless and how joyous he used to feel by that scarlet blush. He just missed you so fucking much.

Hours had passed since he had started crying, but just now he was getting sleepy and he couldn’t be any more grateful. He didn’t wanted to be awake one minute more, he wanted to sleep and maybe his unconscious mind would be just as tired as he was and let him have a dreamless sleep, or if he was very lucky, he would find you in his dreams alive, lovely and forgiving.

He was just starting to drift off when Caitlin arrived. She scrunched her nose and completely opened the blinds. Barry groaned and tried to cover his eyes with his hands. When he saw that was useless, he covered himself with the covers. Now was Caitlin’s turn to groan.

-Oh, no. Bartholomew Henry Allen, you wake up right now-she said while pulling the covers. Barry however, fought to keep them. Finally, Caitlin achieved to pull the covers from Barry’s grasp with a triumphant cry.   
-Go away, Caitlin- grunted Barry, hiding his face on the pillow… your pillow.   
-Barry, please… it’s been two months and, believe me, I know how to difficult this is, but Central City needs you-she said while sitting on the edge of the bed, he just groaned in response- Barry, come on. I know Y/N wouldn’t want to see you like this-she said softly  
-Probably, but she also didn’t wanted me to treat her like I used to and I’m sure she didn’t wanted me to leave her to die, but I never did anything she wanted me to, did I? -he answered angry, facing Caitlin, forgetting completely that he had cried almost the whole night and that his eyes were puffy while his cheeks were still wet.   
-Barry…-she tried to touch his left hand, but he moved it.  
-You know, Caitlin, that the left heartline is your soulmate, right?-he said looking to the other way. Caitlin, confused by the sudden change, just nodded- Did you know that Y/N lighted up my left heartline when I accidentally brushed her hand on the tube?  
-No-she said quietly, but Barry wasn’t paying much attention to her anymore, he was directly looking his left arm, more precisely, your now grey heartline.   
-I was so excited but at the same time confused, because I always thought that, since Iris was my right heartline, she would one day become my left one. I invited Y/N to Jitters and she accepted. She wasn’t as euphoric as me because it was one of her right heartlines; however we both knew that since she lightened up my left one, we were meant to be together on the long run. In the way to Jitters she seemed a bit preoccupied. I thought it was because maybe she already had a boyfriend but I figured that now, she would break it with him since we found each other and… we were just made for each other-he said, now with a few tears on his eyes.   
-But, her boyfriend was also meant to be with her-Caitlin completed, knowing this part of the story.   
-Yes-he nodded- I was so shocked when she showed me her four heartlines at each side and even more shocked to see one, aside of the one that was mine, illuminated.

 _“Oh…” he couldn’t hide the disappointment on his voice and you grimaced._  
“I’m so sorry, I knew I should’ve waited, I’m such a fool…” you started punishing yourself and ranting about how ‘useless you were’.   
“Hey! It’s alright” Barry stopped you by holding you hand tenderly “I know that this isn’t your fault and I’m glad you told me” he smiled; however, the smile didn’t reach his eyes and you noticed.  
“You are such a good person… you deserved a soulmate that was only yours” you said with tears forming in your eyes. Barry’s heart broke at the sight of you on the verge of tears and in that moment he knew that you were truly his soulmate. That was because he realized that even if he was the most empathic human being on Earth, he wouldn’t be able to feel your shame and pain like he was feeling it. Also, he had never wished to stop someone’s suffering like in this moment he wished to stop yours.   
“Oh, no, don’t say that” he said while quickly pulling you closer “I really think I’m very lucky for having you as a soulmate” his arms wrapped around you and when you had settled down putting your head on the crook of his neck and your arms around his waist, everything just felt  **right**  “I mean, you are awfully beautiful and have a great sense of humor. This short time we’ve been talking I haven’t found a single thing that displeases me about you”   
“You’re just saying that to make me feel better” you mumbled and in doing so, your lips brushed his neck, causing shivers to run down his spine.   
“Okay, maybe there’s one tiny little thing I don’t like” he said jokingly while holding you tighter.  
“I knew it!” your laugh reverberated through his body “What is it?” you said glancing up at him and he smiled sweetly at you.  
“Your insecurities” he said sincerely and watched as you turned your face away, he couldn’t decipher if it was on disdain or embarrassment.   
“Oh, that” your voice low made him want to hold you closer. So, when he felt you trying to disentangle from him, he did as he wanted to and gently made you get back on your place, with him.   
“Yes, that. Nevertheless, I think we can work together on that, can’t we?” he said smiling and he felt rather than heard your snort.  
“Yeah, good luck with that Bar. Clark’s been trying to do that for a little over a year and he hasn’t achieved that much” you said, most probably, without thinking and not noticing your slip; but he did.   
“So… Clark, huh?” he said, feeling his own body tense and he felt you freeze. You sat upright and returned to your seat; Barry didn’t try to stop you this time.   
“Yes, Clark Kent he is… he is my other soulmate” you finished firmly and proudly, your gaze straight to his eyes, not wavering even a bit. He deduced you were very proud of him being your soulmate and even though some part of him was burning with jealousy, he felt how his heart yearned for you to be just as proud as you were of being “Clark’s” soulmate for being his. He wanted you to stand up for him the way you just did with that Clark guy.   
“Ok… so I suppose I’ll be meeting him?” Barry said while sitting straighter.   
“I… I think you should. He is a good man. I think you two will get along well” you said with a smile and he forced himself to correspond   
“So, what does he do for a living?” he asked before taking a sip of his coffee and saw your smile get brighter.  
“He is a journalist on the Daily Planet” you sounded so proud… he made a mental note to buy a copy of it; just to see what was he confronting.   
“That sounds interesting”     
“It is” you nodded and took a sip of your own coffee.   
The rest of the evening was spent talking and knowing each other better until time arrived that each of you had to go your own ways. You two exchanged numbers and verified them. Both of you left with promises of calling the next day, smiles on your faces and a feeling of uncertainty.

-Did you know, Caitlin, that when I first met Clark, everything was twice as uncomfortable because he was Superman?- Barry asked as he felt tears starting fill his eyes again, when he remembered that first day with you.   
-Barry, I don’t think…-she started but shut it when he saw the look on his eyes. He needed someone to hear him and you used to be the best person for that… but now you were gone and Caitlin, as one of your best friends, couldn’t just let one of the persons you loved the most go bitter because of you.   
-Did you know that, when Bruce finally accepted talking to her and they got an agreement, Clark and me were so surprised to see that the third soulmate Y/N got was also a superhero that we couldn’t help ourselves to just blurt out ‘Batman?!’?- he laughed through the tears- She was so surprised and Bruce was fearing she would just dump him, but she just shook her head and sarcastically said ‘Three superhero boyfriends, can’t I get someone who’s more possessive than that?”. We all laughed with her and she just got us to dinner. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as my first meeting with Clark… it was good.  
-It does sounds good- Caitlin smiled.  
-Yes… at first, it was everything so calm and… perfect on its own way. I remember that Y/N always used to tell me that if she ever got pregnant, she was going to live with me-he smiled lovingly at the thought.   
-Why?-she asked smiling too.  
-Because Y/N always said that I would be the only one willing to have all her cravings on time on the middle of the night. Also, she said I would probably be the only one who would happily comply them all… well, me and Alfred. That man would probably get everything she craved if she was ever to get pregnant because, oh, how he wished for Bruce to have children…-then his eyes filled with tears again-… but now, no one will ever see Y/N’s kids, s-she didn’t have the chance to be a mom.   
-Barry, calm down-Caitlin said while holding him closer, like a child as he tried to stifle the sobs that were threatening to come out- Barry, you should always remember Y/N that way, joyous, happy, witty… alive. Don’t get stuck on the bad things and make yourself bitter, Bar  
-How do I do that? How, if every time I start thinking of her, I end up seeing her shattered, broken, bruised, defeated… dead? I can’t help it because I know it is my fault!-he cried, clinging to Caitlin, not having any other comfort.   
-It isn’t you fault…-she was going to start her speech about how Y/N’s dead wasn’t his fault and all that, but he couldn’t let it.  
-It was… I should’ve chosen to save her, not Iris… who wasn’t even in danger-he said standing up and starting to pace  
-You thought she was and if you didn’t help Iris, you knew no one would… You trusted that either Bruce or Clark would save her-she tried to comfort him, however that seemed to lead to a dead end.  
-He told me… he told me that the other two were on similar situations… I thought Batman would be selfish enough to rescue her. Oh, but she knew better. She knew none of us would get her. She knew it… it was very clear on the video-his voice was getting very monotone and that worried Caitlin.   
-Barry-she tried calling him but he ignored her.   
-She was resigned to what was about to happen to her… she obviously didn’t trust I would be there for her, after all, I went with Iris when she needed me the most  
-What do you mean?-she asked, rather curious since this wasn’t the first he mentioned something similar.   
-That d-day, the last day we saw her, she tried to talk with me… but I had to go with Iris because she wanted a pizza and… it was an excuse to be near her. So, Y/N tried to get my attention but I pushed her off and… basically called her an attention seeker- he said while holding his left arm firmly.   
-That’s… that’s horrible, Barry- Caitlin said sincerely, earning a bitter, almost cruel, smile from Barry.   
-You know what’s worse? She was trying to say me that her father came down with a sickness and that the hospital had just contacted her to tell her that he had died.  She had no chance to say goodbye and was going to ask me to take her there…  
-Oh, God…-whimpered Caitlin, feeling her own eyes feel with tears just imagining the pain you must have gone through  
-Yeah and to make my guilt problems worse, you know what we found on her apartment?-he asked staring out at the window while holding his arm tighter.   
-No, what?-she said, trying to calm down  
-Plane tickets and a plan to get out of our lives to never see us again. She was planning on flying to India and then loosing herself to a city that doesn’t know what the word ‘city’ means.   
-She… she… but why?-Caitlin was hurt and confused with this information. You were planning on leaving? Leaving her, leaving your friends?  
-Because-he said bitterly- she was fairly  **sick of us** : sick of being ignored, of being left out, of… being my partner, my soulmate.   
-If she was planning on leaving, then it wasn’t entirely your fault-she tried to bring him up a little.   
-You don’t understand… if one of us…  ** _just one of us_**  had given her something to stay for, something to put her hopes on, she wouldn’t have even bought the tickets. But neither I or the other two made her see how much we really loved her… and now we have to live with this dull grey instead of a… vibrant blue-he smiled fondly for a second, remembering the first time he saw your heartline change of colour, positively making him to freak out and run to where you were. You were safe and sound, being happy… while taking a shower. Seeing Barry biting his lip and closing his eyes in pain, Caitlin quickly stood up to hold his hands.   
-That’s what I wanted to talk you about in the first place, I… I know how difficult it is to deal with a grey heartline, so I think it’s easier to just hide it-she said while walking to Barry  
-And what? Always use long sleeves?  
-No… I’m referring to a much better option… I’m suggesting a… a “Cover Tattoo”-she said a little unsure of his reaction.  
-“Cover Tattoo”?-he repeated, confused.  
-It’s a tattoo to cover your heartline; it has to be applied every 2 years since it… kind of fades. However, for the mean time, it’s something great… at least I found it that way, since I can now concentrate on other things while seeing my left arm, because I never get a glimpse of it and end up thinking about him-she explained while showing her left arm that had no traces of a heartline.   
-Do you think… it will make it better?-he asked hesitantly and she nodded firmly  
-It’s the first step to start living again, I assure you. This… could be great for you and… the other two.   
-Tell me more about it-he said sitting down on the bed and inviting Caitlin to do the same.

* * *

Bruce was getting everything ready for the Justice League’s meeting he had called. There was a new lead to get Edward and maybe know… what happened to your body. After all, he thought your brother deserved some sort of closure apart from the video he was sent and he… he needed to see your body, see that you were actually gone to just get on with his life and continue as he was before you.   
It had been two months since he tried to convince himself every day that, once he accepted that you were truly gone and had said goodbye to you, he would be at peace and would be able to continue his life as if nothing… he stopped his mental essay, when something fell from his desk when he was collecting some papers. Bruce got down to his knees to see what had fallen. It was some small envelope and, curious as to what was it; he picked it up and opened it. He immediately regretted it… the envelope contained a wedding invitation, more specifically: an invitation for your brother’s wedding that had already passed.    
His eyes filled with tears as he reminded how he was going to tell you about the wedding and surprise you with a beautiful dress that he wanted to give you for Christmas but figured it would serve better for this occasion. He remembered being excited for finally knowing someone of your family face to face since all the communication he had had to that point was through Skype or phone calls; but all that excitement went down the drain when he realized you would probably take Clark or Barry to the wedding, since they had been with you longer than him. So he had just ignored the invitation and never commented nothing to you, since he didn’t wanted to make you uncomfortable with your decision of not taking him.   
If only he had known that no one told you about it… that you hadn’t planned on not taking him… if only he hadn’t been so sickly proud and arrogant, maybe you would’ve assisted to your brother’s wedding, giving him the opportunity to strengthen his bond with you and your family.

-Master Wayne? Are you alright?-Alfred’s voice brought him back to reality. Bruce hastily wiped that tears that managed to get out and got up.   
-Yes, Alfred. I’m fine; don’t worry ‘bout it-he said after clearing his throat, however, he kept looking down to the invitation on his hands.  
-Master Wayne is this because today would be your anniversary with Miss Y/N?-Alfred asked cautiously.   
-No, I… I didn’t even remember it was today-he smiled… however it was such a sad smile- She would’ve been so happy with all I had planned for us… I was going to apologize for the past few months and now…-he shook his head and closed his eyes. He had to stay calm, he had a meeting to attend. Bruce left the invitation on his desk and gulped down all the tears- I have to go  
Without waiting for Alfred to answer him, he started to walk down to the Batcave; Alfred following him. Bruce quickly changed into the Batsuit and quickly got all his files ready on the Batwing.   
-Everything’s ready?-Alfred asked concerned and Bruce just nodded before settling himself for the flight.

On the way to the Hall of Justice, he saw Barry passing by in a flash. It was so strange to think that not so long ago, Clark, Barry and him used to see each other at least once a week and, on the beginnings of his relationship with you they used to go out at least every two weeks and talk, mostly about you and just to keep everything in the relationship with you right. Even though Bruce didn’t used to like them as much and obviously wasn’t such a fan of being friends with the alien and much less with your other… partners, he went to them because he knew that the three of them needed to do teamwork to keep you happy and he never wished for something more than your happiness. However, the meetings stopped about two months before… before the incident and, now he noticed that, that’s when it all came crashing down. He started to assume that Barry and Clark were giving you their affection as always and started to feel left out for no reason at all. He started to distance himself and dedicate completely to Wayne Enterprises and being Batman, effectively blocking you out… but now that you were gone, he couldn’t really understand his behavior towards you. You always showed him how much you loved him and when you two were alone, it was only the two of you because you never spoke much about the other two; unless you were totally pissed off with one of them and you needed him to calm you down, which he definitely enjoyed doing. He remembers how you always used to claim that he was the only one able to calm you down…

 _“I swear, I don’t know how you do it, but you’re the only one able to calm me down” you sighed while letting your head fall to his chest while he embraced your waist from behind._  
“Just hearing you out and… doing this” his voice was muffled by him kissing your neck and then chuckling at the little breathy moan that escaped your throat.   
“If it wasn’t for you, Barry and Clark would be long dead” you sighed again, giving him more space to work his magic.   
“May I remind you that you were on a relationship with those two, almost a year without me and that they are still alive?” he murmured gently on your ear.   
“Yeah, I’m impressed of my self-control too, Bruce. Not even I know how I managed not killing them for that much time without you. I mean, it’s like they are having some kind of bloody competition just to see who gets me more pissed off on the same day” you ended feeling tense and exasperated, but Bruce immediately tried to relax you by peppering butterfly kisses along your neck and jaw while his hands started caressing your arms.   
“It must be very stressful” he said and you nodded  
“It is… they are sometimes so immature… nothing like you. You’re always so calm, so intelligent and cool… so mature and above all,  **sooo**  hot” you ended with a smile  
“I’m not always mature and cool. Sometimes, I’m childish too” he said expecting you to deny it all, but your smile only got brighter   
“Yeah, but you’re not annoying when doing so. Also, you’re still hot” your smile turned into a smirk, which he corresponded.   
“Well, thank you, miss. I must say, you’re not so bad yourself” his answer made you giggle and while you were doing that, he took you by the waist and carried you over his shoulder.  
“Bruce! What are you doing?” you asked, still unable to stop giggling and he smiled even though you couldn’t see it.   
“I’m taking you to my room” he answered while he started walking   
“What? Why?” you asked, trying to sound serious but failing miserably because of your fit of giggles.   
“The kitchen is no place to give you a relaxing massage” he simply answered while climbing up the stairs and feeling rather than hearing how you couldn’t stop the giggling.

He missed you dearly and he thought… ** _knew_**  that neither Clark nor Barry could ever understand him, since you weren’t only his left heartline; you were also his right one. You meant the world for him but still, he didn’t save you, because he was afraid for those innocent people… he thought Barry or Clark would get to you and then he would just lock you up in the Wayne Manor to keep you safe… but no one went to save you and he is never going to get the chance to apologize. He knew the other two wouldn’t be able to understand the loneliness he was feeling since they had Miss Lane and Miss West, respectively… he had no one.  It was obvious that you deserved someone better than him… someone who loved you the way he, apparently, wasn’t capable of, someone who was cleverer than that bastard Edward and knew that there were no hostages, someone who was selfish enough to go and save you, not caring for anyone else.

Bruce finally arrived to the Justice Hall and calmly made his way over to the meeting room. Once there, he saw that everyone was there, just waiting for him.   
-Finally, his Highness arrives!- Diana exclaimed sarcastically. Bruce rolled his exasperated, this was Diana since two months ago, so annoying.   
-Now that we’re all here, Batman, care to explain the reason for this meeting?-Oliver said before Diana continued with her pissed off talking.   
-The main reason I called this meeting is that I have new leads for catching Edward Van Courd-he said seriously, gaining the interest of everyone in the room.   
-The bastard that…?-started out Diana but Bruce cut her  
-Yes, him.

So, the meeting started. Bruce exposed all the evidence he was able to collect, but still, it wasn’t enough to know where he could be.  After that and the (unnecessary, since he could… would do it alone) compromise of everyone to keep the search on this bastard, the meeting was officially ended and it was agreed that the next meeting would be in two weeks.

Bruce was about to exit the meeting room when Clark and Barry entered again.   
-Bruce, can we talk?-Clark asked cautiously  
-What do you want to talk about?-he questioned while crossing his arms  
-We… A friend of mine gave me a recommendation that I think will benefit us all-Barry explained, somehow nervous.   
-Really?-Bruce’s voice dripped sarcasm- I’m not interested  
-You don’t even know what it is!-exclaimed Clark somewhat exasperated  
-We want to get a “Cover Tattoo”-Barry said quickly, before they started fighting. He was getting ready to explain what it was and answer all the questions he had, as he had done with Clark but what he actually got was the terribly furious face of Bruce Wayne.   
- _ **No!**_ -Bruce roared, angry beyond belief- How dare you even consider… consider  _that?_ -he asked with such revulsion that Barry grimaced.  
-Do you even know what it is?-asked Clark, crossing his arms at Bruce’s reaction.   
-I know what it is,  _farm boy-_ the disdain was clear _-_  and I will not do such thing. Neither should any of you, that’s the only reminder we will have of her forever and you want to… get rid of it? I can’t  **believe**  you two!-he shouted, frustrated  
-Bruce, it is getting in our way. We can’t concentrate on our daily lives, on doing our duties-Barry said, trying to calm him down  
-You know it’s true, Bruce-Clark sighed- I can see your three fractured ribs and knee. You’re not concentrating well. You are not coping well with Y/N’s death, just like us. This is an alternative of feeling pain every time you see the inside of… both of your arms.   
-I much prefer the pain of seeing it grey than not seeing it at all. I’m not doing it but if you want to do it, fine! I won’t stop you, but know this, I’m sure Y/N deserved better…  
-Better than us?-Clark asked sarcastically- Yeah, she did, but you are nowhere better than us. You didn’t save her, neither of us did… neither of us was worthy.

Without another word, Bruce retired hastily.

On the way to Wayne’s Manor, he couldn’t help but think about the “Cover Tattoo” and once again, being disgusted by the idea. How could they even think about erasing the only living proof of your love… erasing you? He would never do such thing, ever. Because, even though it pained him to end seeing both of his heartlines a dull grey, he took comfort on remembering them being of all the colors. The only way he would give up his heartlines willingly would be in exchange to have you back… Hell! He would do anything to have you back, give away all of his fortune, stop being Batman, even letting Clark and Barry live in the Wayne Manor along you two (he shuddered just thinking about it), anything. However, things didn’t work that way and he couldn’t have you back.

He arrived very tired and tense to his house (never again his home, you were his home), just wishing the day would just end. He ate the dinner that was ready for him while watching the news. Fortunately, this was a calm night in Gotham and no one needed him… and if they did, they got Barbara and Dick. He finished his meal and took a long sip of the red wine, ready to just go to his room and let the darkness envelope him. However, darkness enveloped him before the expected and he fell, unconscious at the feet of the stairs.

Bruce woke up the next day startled and confused. He analyzed his surroundings and recognized the room as his. He calmed down a little and heard Alfred coming with breakfast. Bruce sighed and put a hand on his forehead, trying to remember what had happened.   
-Good morning, Master Wayne-Alfred greeted, happily. However, Bruce didn’t correspond since his eyes were wide and his hands shaking for the vision he got of his forearm.   
-My… my h-heartline!-he exclaimed, getting more scared by the second- My heartlines are gone!-he screamed while checking both of his arms.   
-Master Wayne…-Alfred sighed.  
-Alfred!-his voice was mix of terror and absolute rage- What the fuck happened to my heartlines?!-he was standing up now, shouting, freaking out.   
-Master Wayne, you must calm down-Alfred said, so calm that it only made Bruce even more desperate   
-Like hell I’ll calm down! You tell me  ** _right now_**  what happened to my fucking heartlines!!- his face was red. Anger was shining more than the utter terror he felt.   
-They are covered-the butler stated plainly   
-Covered?! The fuck do you mean by that?!-Bruce was sure he had never sweared so much in front of Alfred, but he didn’t care at all in this moment   
-“Cover Tattoos”, Master Wayne. You know them.  
-What?!-his scream could be heard miles around- H-how? The wine! You drugged me!-realization hit him.   
-Yes, Master Wayne. Once you were out, Mr. Kent and Mr. Allen came for you and took you to get a… two “cover tattoos”-he explained while setting the tray with breakfast on the bed.   
-Why?-his voice now was very quiet, while looking down. He felt sweat pouring down his face, he was in a nightmare… a terrible nightmare. He felt absolute terror and anger, but terror was winning now.   
-Because-Alfred said sternly- you only hurt yourself! The heartlines were only distracting you, making it impossible for you to live! Y/N would never have wanted that, her wishes were for you to live, not to be bitter! I was respecting her wish like you should have done!  
-You should have respected my wishes!-he shouted, tears now evident in his eyes.   
-It will fade… in two years-Alfred closed his eyes when he heard Bruce gasping- There’s no way of removing it.   
-Go…-his voice was low  
-Master Wayne…  
 _-Go! Get out! NOW, ALFRED!-_ Bruce shouted with everything he had and the older man left, feeling extremely guilty.

Once he heard the door lock, Bruce fell to his knees. He stared at his arms, now unmarked… and felt his world stop and crumble. The heartlines were the only comfort he had left… the comfort that they once meant how much he loves you, the comfort of knowing that you and all of the happiness you gave him were real. Now, for the first time he felt you were ** _gone_**. Now they had taken away that and he felt more alone and empty than ever before.

So, for the first time since he knew about your death, he cried your loss. He cried for himself and because he had totally lost you.

He cried like never before, because you weren’t there and  **never would be**.

 

* * *

The hospital room was bright and white, so much that I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Well, it wasn’t like I could maintain them open for much longer, anyway.

-You would think that  _four_  heartlines would make this search of identity a piece of cake, but there’s  ** _no one_**  in the whole country registered with more than _two_  heartlines!-a female voice said exasperated.   
-Well, how about in the world?-a male voice questioned  
-JARVIS is already searching, but don’t put your hopes up-another male voice answered- I just don’t understand how anyone could leave this girl… how no one is asking for her and making a global search for her? Even more so when she has three out of four heartlines lightened up.  
-They are right heartlines…- the female voice interjected  
-Still…

I tried to open my eyes again and now I achieved opening them completely.   
-Hey, she’s waking up!-the first male voice exclaimed and bright baby blue eyes were in front of me, along with a gorgeous face. I blushed as he was so close- Are you alright, doll? Do you feel well? Oh, I think she has fever…-his voice was concerned but I couldn’t speak.  
-No, Cap… you’re just overwhelming her- the second male voice said while someone took the shoulder of the man in front of me- Hey, sorry for that. I’m Tony Stark-a handsome man with dark brown eyes and hair smiled at me while stretching his hand. I took it a bit hesitant  
-So, what’s your name, girl?- a redheaded woman asked and I felt my face change to one of a deer caught in headlights.   
I was about to answer, but nothing came out… my mind was blank. My name? What’s my name? Who am I?  
 _-I… I-I don’t know_


	4. Lazarus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life continued for the Justice League after Y/N’s death, but what happens when a member of the Avengers accidentally breaks their window during a fight?   
> Meet Wicked Chaos, the newest Avenger addition, who distrusts the Justice League for some unknown reason, even for her.

The air was knocked out of my lungs at the impact against the cold marble floor. I tried to stand steadily, not wanting to get any more cuts from the window I’ve broken when being pushed through it by the Leviathan. Once I managed to stand up, I quickly took a look to the window I’ve had broken. It was rather large and surely Tony would have to pay a considerable amount for it to be replaced since it was a really thick glass, judging from the pieces on the floor. But then again, this was his fault for opening a portal (along with Banner) that the Chitauri took advantage of.  
I was brought back to reality by the roar of the serpent that I had to deal with, alone. That was fine by me since it was already very unfair for this thing to fight  _me_  on its own.

I smiled when I felt some blood on my lip. Oh, how I’ve missed a challenge, even if it was a little one like this one. I spread my modified wings and concentrated on creating a rope, which immediately appeared in my left hand. I smiled with a single thought:

_This is going to be fun._

I ran and then extended my wings to fly towards the snake. Once I got its attention back to me I started leading it high enough for it to be safe for everyone. I quickly shut its mouth with the rope while mounting on its back. Of course, the Leviathan put up resistance and tried to shake me off its back. However that was my purpose, so I held on tight to the rope and to the back while I tried to concentrate on creating my sword on my right hand. Once it appeared, I planned on using one of Thor’s tricks and cook this little snake to a crisp. However, in the meantime, I wanted to enjoy the ride and see how much I could maintain in this “bull”.

“Chaos” I heard Cap calling me through the intercom “are you finished yet?” his voice was slightly irritated and I rolled my eyes. They never let me have my fun.   
“Almost, I’m in a kind of rodeo.” I replied with a snicker as the Leviathan didn’t stop trying to get me off. However, I was quite enjoying the feeling of dominating and the feeling of this massive alien ship slowly giving up to me,  _to my force_. I felt powerful as ever.   
“Y/N” I heard the warning growl of Tony and I sighed, more than a bit annoyed.   
“Just give me a sec” I replied while quickly getting off the snake’s back and started to tie it up so tightly it couldn’t move anymore. Then, my sword finally materialized in my hand and with all the force I was capable of, impaled it just above the huge mouth. My sword did seem really small in comparison to the huge metal beast that appeared unaffected and ready to keep fighting against the restraints I put it in; nevertheless, once I concentrated on my surroundings (just like Wanda and Thor had taught me) and felt the thunder cursing through me, I smiled.   
Seconds after that, the Leviathan went limp and all the weight was put on my rope. I yelped in surprise, even though I was expecting it, and I held the rope with both hands since I couldn’t let this monster just be dropped on the city I was (whatever city it is).   
I tried to balance the weight in my arms to lessen the pain in my arms (more precisely, my heartlines, where my power apparently came from and that surely were sore for all the rope I had to create, and how resistant it had to be) and to start my way to New York. However, I suddenly felt the weight of my arms disappear and I saw how my metallic barbequed reptile was being taken in another direction.

“Hey!” I yelled when I processed what had happened “Hey! That’s mine!” I repeated while storming off to see what was carrying my trophy away. I got to where the stomach of the beast was supposed to be and saw a man in red cape carrying it. I huffed; angry beyond belief to see that one of the Justice League’s members was the robber “Excuse me, I said that’s mine.” I said while stopping him by placing myself in front of him.   
“Oh” the black haired man turned to me and smiled what I guessed was something charming but not that much “I heard you, miss. However, I can’t let you go with this… thing” he said gesturing to the snake.  
“And why, may I ask, is that?” I said furious while crossing my arms against my chest. I’m sure my eyes were turning red instead of the usual grey they had when I’m fighting on that moment.   
“Well… you broke our window.” he said rather sheepishly while shrugging his shoulders slightly. This was Superman, the Metropolis’ and nation’s sunshine, not a threat (at least for now and certainly not a threat  _for me_ ); however something about him… made me react in defense.  
“It was yours?” I asked a bit uncomfortable while hugging myself, trying to somehow reassure myself that I wasn’t in any kind of danger.  
“Not mine” his brilliant smile was starting to bother me “It was from the Justice Hall.”   
“Well damn” I cursed. The only one thing I break while fighting a giant alien snake has to be the fucking window of the other superhero organization with which we don’t have formal relationship with. Shit. Trust me to ruin things big time.   
“Don’t worry ‘bout it. We will just hold captive your metal…  _friend_  until it’s repaired” he chuckled and continued his way.   
“Unfortunately, that friend of mine is my responsibility so if you take it captive, you are taking  **me**  too” I replied while following him.  
“Oh, I wouldn’t commit such mistake, miss. You’re with the Avengers, we’re not getting into conflict with you or them, and so if you want to come, then you’re welcome to. However, never as a hostage” This boy never stopped smiling and it was getting on my nerves.   
“I thought so” I nodded and kept on following him until we arrived to the shattered window and I noticed that now the lights were on in the building. It looked really… fancy with the lights on.   
“What the hell is that?!” I heard a male voice ask concernedly “Kent, you were supposed to bring whoever broke the window!”  
“I know that,  ** _Flash._** ” He remarked while putting down the reptile, which occupied a great deal of their… hall.   
“That’s a Leviathan, by the way” I answered while landing on its back “and I’m sorry for breaking your window.  _However_ you must admit it is pretty impressive that it was the only thing I broke on my way since New York” I smiled arrogantly while placing my hands on my hips.  
“No way! You couldn’t have just broke this!” the Flash smiled in awe and a man in black, that could only be Batman, huffed more than a bit annoyed.  
“What would’ve been really impressive is not breaking anything  ** _at all_** ” said the Batman while crossing his arms in front of his chest in a similar fashion as me.   
“Actually, for me, it’s impressive enough for her to have broken the window…”a man in green suit murmured while looking at the floor where pieces of the shattered window laid. It took me a couple of seconds to identify him as Green Arrow.   
“…Thanks, I guess?” I replied a bit confused since, well… I knew it was a pretty thick glass but it wasn’t  ** _that_** hard to break “Anyway, you want your window repaired so I’m just going to contact my colleagues to let them kno-Fuck!” I was interrupted, rather painfully, by a screeching sound in the intercom which caused me to curse.   
“Language!” Tony’s amused voice was the first thing that I heard after the horrible sound, so I immediately brought my hand up to my right ear, ready to reply.  
“You little…” I was going to start what was a very deserved tongue lash, when someone interrupted me _, again.  
_ “It’s the new alarm for you, since you tend to ignore all of us.” explained Steve and I could hear his stupid smirk.   
“I was about to report, thank you very much!” I exclaimed, greatly offended.  
“Anyway, have you finished already?” Nat’s voice could be heard among the laughing of the other Avengers. Traitors.   
“I already took care of the Leviathan, yeah. However there’s a… tiny problem.” I said while looking at the window. “Okay… not that tiny, but still a problem.”   
“What, exactly, do you mean?” Tony’s voice wasn’t amused anymore. Figures.  
“Well…”I trailed off, smiling innocently even though I knew he couldn’t see me, however I got responding smiles of almost everyone on the Justice League (which was odd, to say the least). “You do remember the… eh, Justice League?” I asked, turning my back to the people in the room. They kind of creeped me out with all their staring and smiling… they acted like they trusted me completely and, honestly, what kind of person trust someone who just broke your window (even if it was an accident)?  
“Yeah.” was the general response I got.   
“Well, I broke their window and now… um, I have to wait until it’s repaired because they have the huge serpent in their possession and…” I started explaining but was cut off by Tony sighing.   
“You did what?!” Steve’s voice was now angrier than I’ve ever heard “Seriously, no wonder why we call you Chaos…”   
“That was my own decision, Cap.” I reminded him, annoyed by his comment. Nothing I did was ever right for him, be it a mistake or an achievement, if I did it then it was wrong.   
“Yeah, yeah, you both hate each other’s guts, we know that. Now, are you alright Chaos? Nothing is broken apart from the window?” Bucky’s concerned voice was very comforting. He seemed to be the only one worried about my wellbeing these days and maybe that was because all of the others knew that I was totally capable of handling myself and that any injuries would heal themselves in mere minutes. Nevertheless, it felt nice to have someone caring.   
“I’m alright, Buck” I assured him in a soft voice.   
“That’s a relief to hear, my queen” Loki’s teasing voice made me roll my eyes.   
“Okay, I’m going to go to your location as soon as we wrap all of this up” Tony said before I could say anything else to Loki or to Buck.   
“You mean you haven’t finished yet?” I asked surprised.   
“We aren’t as skilled or as powerful as you.” Clint’s voice had a tinge of annoyance and I smiled.   
“Not nearly as awesome.” Bucky’s amused voice came while I heard an explosion in the back.   
“I’m busy trying to stop any other Chitauri to pass through the portal the _idiots_  that call themselves genius made. So without any of us, darling, they are lost.” Loki’s voice was beyond amused and I couldn’t help but chuckle at his mention of Bruce and Tony.   
“Also, Wanda has a free day.” Steve gasped and I rolled my eyes.   
“Jeesh, thanks Cap, I really feel appreciated now.” I sighed tiredly. He was always this harsh and rude with me and I didn’t even know why! He was just always mad at me ever since I joined the Avengers, like I was some kind of nuisance. “Anyway, I’m just going to wait here” I cut off the communication, leaving them to finish. I turned around and saw how all the Justice League was still staring at me. “Um…”   
“Okay!” Superman’s voice boomed cheerfully, probably trying to end the uncomfortable moment “So, anyone’s up for…” he started to propose something excitedly; however before I could know what, he was interrupted.  
“Excuse me, but what’s your name, girl?” Wonder Woman asked, while crossing her arms and assessing me. Didn’t she have time to do that while I was talking on the intercom? It would’ve been a lot more polite since I wouldn’t have noticed.   
“Oh, right!” I got down from the Leviathan, towards her and smiled a bit forcedly “I’m Wicked Chaos, everyone just calls me Chaos for short and because… well, you know.” I trailed off while offering her my hand. She took it a bit hesitantly but smiled kindly. I tried to be polite and kind to her since I’ve always admired her way to fight. I think that she’s one of the greatest female fighters I’ve ever seen and I would love to have a chance to fight at her side… or against her, just to know who is better, you know?  Also, I saw this as my only opportunity to be kind with one of the Justice League members since the others I’ve met so far made me feel… strange.   
“I think it fits you, the Wicked part I mean.” she answered and my smile grew brighter; however it was still forced.  
“Thank you!”   
“Yeah, yeah. Good time for bonding and everything” the gruff voice of the Batman made me roll my eyes, annoyed for his comment. “When are your colleagues coming?”  
“Just after they finish something important.” I answered looking at him through my specialized glasses. I, however, noticed something strange in his way of standing and fortunately, FRIDAY also noticed it and started a throughout analysis.   
“Wouldn’t you like to… go help them? We could wait here a bit for you.” Flash asked a bit hesitant and I faked another smile for him.   
“They can handle on their own, speedy, but thanks for the offer anyway.” I winked at him and saw that his cheeks turned bright red. I couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at the sight.   
“Does that mean that you are not very important to them?” Batman’s voice had a slight touch of venom to it, as if he was trying to provoke me. However, I just looked at him over my glasses and smiled coldly once I saw that FRIDAY had detected what was the cause of the Dark Knight’s strange stance.   
“You would like to think that, wouldn’t you? However,  _I am_  very important to them just as any part of the team is. That’s because we know how to do team work.” My voice was calm and collected while I slowly approached him. I stopped just two steps in front of him and saw that he was glaring at me, like… he was enraged by my presence and even though I didn’t know the reason for his reaction, I thoroughly enjoyed it. “Even though I’m not the kindest of them all, I’m going to give you a little advice about hacking someone, since you are totally awful at it.” The ‘sweet’ smile I gave him was having the desired effect: his eyes showed more than a bit of surprise for a second, he was standing straighter as if preparing himself to fight and I could hear most of the other Justice League’s members hold their breath. “First: you should know that trying to hack someone’s tech is very dangerous and can get you to lose  _all of your toys and valuable information._ ” I started walking in slow circles around him “Second: next time, try not to be so  _painfully_  obvious and try to get something a little more discreet than a remote control.” I said while holding the black remote control that just seconds ago, was hidden in the arm of the bat-suit and that I got with the help of tiny ropes created by my heartlines. His eyes were positively sending daggers to me. “Third: Never play against the higher ranking players, ever.” I chuckled coldly while playing with the remote in my hands. Then, I stopped again right in front of him. “And last but not least: Hacking is  ** _rude_**  and unless you want to declare someone as your enemy, I suggest you don’t do it, or  **at least**  don’t be caught while doing it. So, now that we understand each other, I’m sure you didn’t want to declare a war on me and the Avengers,  _right?_  I’m obviously assuming this because your flying friend in blue over there” I pointed at my back, guessing where Superman was “told me that none of you wanted a conflict. However, he could be wrong and you were just doing it official-” My voice was dripping with sarcasm and I didn’t care one bit how much of a bitch I may seem now. I was enraged too because,  _how dare he treat me as if I was some kind of villain? How dare he try such an easy tool to try and hack the technology made by Tony Stark and Bruce Banner themselves?_  His actions were insulting in so many levels I couldn’t even start to count them!  
“No no no!” I heard Flash concerned voice before I saw him in front of me, smiling and blushing. He was so close I could see the green of his eyes with perfect clarity. “He doesn’t want a war and neither of us wants one, I assure you.” He said while taking me by the shoulders (which wasn’t an easy task with my wings in the way) and gently urging me to walk away from Batman.   
“Neither do I, but I had to be sure.” I said skeptically while shrugging my shoulders, trying to get his hands off of me but he didn’t take the hint.   
“Don’t take it personally, Batman is just like that. He may seem more than a bit rude but he is like that with everyone, even with us!” he laughed awkwardly while still holding my shoulders and guiding me through various halls. I could feel that the other members were following us.   
“Where are you taking me?” I asked a bit concerned by not seeing any window or door that could led me to freedom in case they wanted to try something.  
“Oh, I was just planning on giving you a little tour, you know? Maybe that way we can forget any ideas of war and disagreements…”he was a bit hesitant at the end. I really couldn’t believe this was the man that captured and sassed so many super villains because, in the few minutes I’ve been here, he was just a blushing mess of awkwardness.   
Maybe it was just my presence.  
Now that I think about it… it wasn’t an unthinkable idea. I mean, I haven’t reacted like my normal self in this short amount of time with the Justice League, so maybe Flash was having a similar reaction to me.   
Then, that would mean that they also see me as a threat, just like I see them. However, the thing is that I don’t usually consider people who could be possible allies as immediate threats, in fact, I usually am the one who makes the first polite contact and end up with a new organization as allies and one or two friends who, in a couple of months, become part of my select group of friends. So, this was totally uncharacteristic of me, but… the Justice League ignited a fire in me that urged me to protect myself from them, just like if I was battling… like if they were going to hurt me, even though I knew that I was very capable of killing all of them before they could even react. It was strange but I couldn’t help myself.   
“Uh, okay?” I answered a bit hesitant while still being dragged by the Flash.  
“There are so many things to show! This room, for example…”he stopped abruptly and smiled brightly. I looked around the room and noticed that it was some kind of meeting room. To my right was a huge screen and keyboard… a computer then; it was nothing like the advanced technology I was used to with Tony, where almost everything related to our work as Avengers was an hologram and all the screens, monitors, keyboards and all the office-like equipment were usually at the lower floor of the Avenger tower, that I rarely visited… while in the house we all lived, the only screens were for T.V. or for the training rooms in where Clint would usually be monitoring our progress.   
Then, there was a little squared table in front of the computer, with 8 seats in total. That probably was where they discussed important matters or discussed a new threat.   
“So… this is your meeting room?” I asked, trying to stop the uncomfortable silence. I really wanted to get out of there as soon as possible… I felt trapped in there, with all this people who made me feel at danger. I wanted to run and hide, or better yet, kick their asses off (that would make me feel better than running like a coward, but I would’ve taken either).   
“Exactly! We have a satellite that’s monitored by our dear friend, Martian Man Hunter, and whenever trouble arises, we get the signal from that huge computer.” Flash explained excitedly and I nodded, avoiding to ask the simple question of ‘And where the fuck are you whenever we have to go and save the planet?’. I didn’t wanted to make matters worse, since I’ve had already: broken a window, almost pulled a technicality of hostages on Superman to declare a war, humiliated one of their members and called in for a war (again)… it really wasn’t the best way to try to make a peace treaty with someone. Even though I would be more than up to make them regret ever getting on my way, I knew that wasn’t the right thing to do… and I also knew that none of the Avengers wanted a war with  ** _this_**  people (except for Loki, but he wasn’t an official Avenger yet, so…).    
“That’s… interesting” I nodded after a while of thinking what the right thing to say was.   
“I know what you’re wondering, girl” Wonder Woman was suddenly by my left side, leaving me in between her and Flash… Awkward.   
“What I’m wondering?” I asked a little confused.   
“You are thinking where we are when problem arises for you, the Avengers and all their allies? Well, we are just… watchers and, whenever we think you need help, we proportionate it. Fortunately, it hasn’t gotten to a point where you need reinforcements.” She smiled and I nodded, trying not to scream that:

a)      When the fuck would be a point where we need reinforcements? When we fucking die?   
  


b)      Fucking selfish bastards, we’ve helped you on countless of times! Haven’t you noticed how, in the middle of the battle, there suddenly are a lot less enemies? That’s our doing! 

c)       Fuck you all.

I was trying to calm myself down since I really wanted to scream at them until their ears bleed, maybe even longer.   
“Anyway, we have a lot more to visit” Flash smiled while placing his hand on the small of my back. I don’t know why I felt a rush of adrenaline course through me, like being attacked. So I immediately distanced myself from him by giving a large step, then turning around, ready to fight.   
“Uh… what just happened?” Wonder Woman asked more than a bit confused, looking between me and Flash, who had the same face as a kicked puppy. I rolled my eyes (this people are going to make my eyeballs fall from all the rolling they are doing) and breathed slowly, trying to compose myself.   
“Nothing. Where were we going?” I asked, sounding casual and I suddenly felt someone at my side.   
“Maybe I can show you the spar room?” Superman’s voice was sweet as candy. It gave me chills and just this throwing up sensation… he seemed such a fake in this moment and I absolutely hated fake people.   
“Maybe Wonder Woman can show it to me?” I answered just as sweetly while getting away from him. Wonder Woman smiled to me while she started walking to the door where we got here. I followed her steps while looking around… unfortunately; it was all white halls with no decoration at all.   
“Soooo…” someone dragged while getting right beside me. A quick sideways glance told me it was Aquaman, the Sea King, able to talk with fish… _Arthur_. “Do you have any other ability that doesn’t include breaking windows or trying to bring war upon us all?” His smile was warm and playful. I wanted to be mad and make a bitchy comeback so badly, but something in his smile just… made me stop. It was a smile similar as the one Clint always gives me when we are about to start training or do some kind of mischief. It made feel better in some way, so I couldn’t help but smile and laugh at his comment.  I felt the stares of everyone on me when I laughed, but I didn’t care. I felt better to have someone who I was sure wouldn’t harm me.   
“Yes, I do.” My smile was sincere and just as playful as his. “It’s pretty awesome, actually… I think it’s better than talking with fish…”  
“Ha! I dare you to beat me in a battle!” his tone made it clear that it he was offering a friendly battle and well… I really wanted to kick someone’s ass, too bad it had to be him…   
“It’s on” I smiled wickedly at him and he just winked charmingly.   
“The spar room is over there” Green Arrow pointed to the right. I turned to see a crystal door at the end of the hall.   
“Thanks, Ollie” I said casually, but I froze immediately.  _Ollie_? Where the hell did that came from?  
“You’re welcome, kiddo” he answered just as casually and no one seemed to notice that I’d just called Green Arrow… by name. How in hell did I know his name?

 _“Ollie, just hear this out: I’ll do fifty push-ups and you’ll say to Bruce that I did one hundred, okay?” I pleaded between gasps_  
“You wish… Bruce is going to know sooner or later that you’re not training as well as he thinks, Y/N, so you better start those push-ups” he laughed whole-heartedly  
“Oh, come on Oliver! I’ve been on my feet all day long! Please, have mercy on my poor, poor feet!”   
“Ok, ok. But tomorrow you’ll do 20 more laps on the field… okay, just 10” he sighed when he saw me pouting.   
“Yay thanks Ollie!” I exclaimed happily   
“You’re welcome, kiddo” his murmur was almost unheard but his smile gave him away.

Ugh, those distant voices again. It has been about six months since the last time; I thought they were gone… now I have to go back on medication. This day is just getting better…

“Hey lady! Are you going to come any time soon or are you too afraid of me?” Aquaman yelled playfully from the door that leads to the spar room. I snapped out of my thoughts and quickly looked around me… all the Justice League members were at the end of the hall. I had stayed frozen in place while hearing the distant voices of my head.   
“Of course not!” I answered with a laugh after I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Then, I calmly started walking to him with a mischievous smile “You know you really should be the one afraid…”  
“Ha! I’m the Sea King and you’re nothing but a mere mortal! I will never be afraid of you!” his smile was arrogant but I could see the same glint in his eyes as the one that surely was in mine.   
“Yeah, we’ll see about that Sea Boy” I said while laughing lightly and patting his chest softly. His smile only grew brighter.  
“Oh, beautiful, you don’t know what you just got into”

Aquaman started walking to the right edge of the room and I assumed I was to take the other edge. I saw that the remaining Justice League members were watching us from a glass at the back of the room, where they could have a good view of the action. I inspected my surroundings and was greatly surprised that this room resembled a lot the one we had at the Avengers tower, even the dimensions were similar. This was good for me, of course, since I didn’t have to worry all that much about stumbling with a wall.

“Are you ready, girl?” Aquaman shouted and I smiled while closing my eyes. I extended my arms and concentrated on my heartlines. Once I felt my energy coursing through them, I extended my wings and positioned myself on an attacking stance.   
“Ready when you are, Seaweed Brain” my tone was more than a little cheeky.

“Now, FIGHT!” Flash excited voice was heard all over the place.

We didn’t need to be told twice. Before Flash finished, we were already running towards each other.  
Aquaman suddenly had a huge trident in his right hand and he lunged forward, ready to stab me with it. However, he was too slow and I was able to dodge him by jumping high enough for me to be able to push his shoulder down with my feet in a second. I used my wings to fall gracefully and see how Aquaman fell to the floor with a loud thump.   
He didn’t take too long to be on his feet again. His expression wasn’t arrogant anymore but calculating. I didn’t care that much since no matter what, he was going to lose this battle. Not only because I trusted my abilities completely but because I had an almost unfair advantage: I knew exactly how he and all of the Justice League members fought. This was a matter I studied on my “free time” on detail since I knew that someday we would meet the Justice League and I wanted to be prepared if that encounter was an hostile one.

Aquaman tried to trap me in his arms; however a quick but strong punch in the cheek made him stumble. I took my opportunity when I saw his disorientated state and gave him a frontal quick on the lower abdomen. Then, taking advantage of his pained position for the kick, I took him by the shoulders and started pushing my knee to his abdomen. After that, I pushed him and took a bit of force to give him another punch.

Once I saw Aquaman was on the floor, I decided to stop my intense attack. I wanted to give him another opportunity to try and fight me. I saw how he fought to stand straight and his stare was neutral now… maybe a bit hurt, but I couldn’t understand why since this was a fight after all (friendly, yes, but a still a fight). I saw the trident appear on his hand again out of water (from God knows where). He took it in a strong hold and just stared at me for a few seconds, as if waiting for me to do the first attack. He didn’t knew that I would never attack first since I knew what a mistake that would be when fighting with him.

“C’mon girl! You don’t wanna fight?” his voice was taunting and I smiled.   
“Of course I want to, Seaweed Brain; however I’m concerned about you. Are you sure you’re still able to fight?” my voice was full of mock preoccupation. I saw his offended stare and knew he had fallen into my trap.   
“I’m always able to fight!” before he had finished his sentence, he was already running towards me. I was ready to avoid his attack with a quick movement, but suddenly I was on the floor with Aquaman over me, immobilizing my torso and his huge pitchfork in my throat. It took me a second to understand that he had used his powers to destabilize me.   
“So that’s how we’re going to play, huh?” I asked with a smile.   
“This is how I win, actually.” His smile was arrogant again, causing me to roll my eyes. I preferred to win battles in the old fashioned way, with kicks and punches but if he wanted to play with superpowers and be humiliated in a much more worse way, then so be it.

I created thick chains and quickly made them wrap around him to get him off of me. I also did a little rope to maintain the trident near my throat so I could be able to take it once he was off.

I slowly got up while holding his trident in my hands. I saw that Aquaman was trying to fight my restraints, so I couldn’t help but laugh lightly.   
“Oh, don’t even try it. You won’t be able to break them.” I said while observing the trident closely “This thing is pretty heavy, do you really carry it around all day long?” I asked while holding it.

He didn’t answer me; instead he limited himself to throw glares at me. Then, I noticed water coming to the room. The water started forming spheres that were the size of a basketball; I guessed they came with a great deal of force so I couldn’t let them hit me. I left the trident on the floor gently and tried to concentrate on making the spheres to be slower, however Aquaman’s control of water was almost flawless, unlike mine. I had to come up with something and fast. In a moment, a little idea made its way into my mind and I decided to go through it. So I positioned my hands so that they weren’t touching and the distance between them was enough for the water spheres to pass through them. One of the spheres was very close to me, so I decided that would be my first test. I avoided it hitting me but made it so it passed through the space between my hands. Now the water sphere had a thin layer of glass and when I thought of moving it, the sphere moved. This was pure genius, my plan worked! Now his water would be used against him.

I turned to see more water spheres come to me but I also saw that Aquaman was achieving his freedom. Dammit, I was so concentrated on the water spheres that I stopped the concentration on the chains, making them weaker. Well, I still could attack with his water spheres. While I was busy trying to catch more spheres I concentrated on a little trap: the spheres that I controlled slowly went to the ones I didn’t control and as soon as they touched them, the thin glass expanded to them, causing me to also control them. By the time he was free of my chains, all of the spheres where on my power.

“Ha! Now, you have to surrender to me and the power of the ocean!” He exclaimed while holding his trident in a triumphal stance.  
“You really think so?” I asked with sarcasm and a sweet smile. That seemed to anger him, so he extended his arms and closed his eyes. I waited with my hands on my waist and a sly smile on my face. Aquaman saw that nothing happened and repeated the process, just to be disappointed again. His face was becoming red with effort and I could distinguish the water moving violently inside my glass spheres. “Seaweed brain, do you really think I would be so foolish as to let you free and let you in control of all this mortal spheres?” I asked with a snicker.  
“Wh-what?” his eyes were wide with surprise “You… you c-control water t-too?”   
“Not as well as you, but I do control glass.” I smiled before concentrating on making the floating spheres crash against Aquaman, with just enough force to knock him out not kill him.

After a minute or two, the crashes stopped and I saw Aquaman in the floor with a lot of minuscule cuts. I could hear the Justice League rushing to us while throwing off murmured curses at me. I rolled my eyes and calmly made my way to him. I kneeled beside him and was about to put my hand on his forehead when I felt something in my hand holding it still. I glanced up and saw that it was Wonder Woman’s lasso.

“Stop right there, you witch!” her tone was furious and I controlled my urge to laugh “What were you trying to do to him? Finish your work and kill him?! That’s why you came here, isn’t it?! That was your mission! To kill us all! Well, you won’t!” I rolled my eyes at her ridiculousness. If my mission were to kill them, they would be long dead by now and they wouldn’t have noticed.

“I was trying to heal him and to answer your other questions, no. No, I’m not going to kill him or either of you. He wanted a fight and that’s what I gave him.” I shrugged my shoulders disinterested.

“You’re telling the truth? You really don’t want to harm us?” Her voice was doubtful and I couldn’t avoid rolling my eyes, again.

“Well, you have the power of making people say the truth with your magic lasso and all, so you tell me.” Sarcasm was dripping from my voice.

“Okay then… you can… uh, continue.” Superman’s voice sounded rather meek. I freed myself of the lasso and then proceeded to put my hands on Aquaman’s face. I concentrated on making the healing processes of his body to accelerate with my energy.

I was feeling a bit shaky when Aquaman finally opened his eyes. I smiled softly at him and helped him to stand up.

“Are you all right?” I asked even though I knew the answer.   
“Actually… yes. Absolutely fine and better than I’ve felt in years. What did you do to me? I mean, did I suddenly became a masochist because of you, girl? Because the last thing I remember was pain…” he trailed off and I smiled a bit guiltily at him. I may have gotten a little carried away with our fight…  
“You didn’t become a masochist. I just cured you by making your body work a bit faster, that may have caused some scars to banish, some muscles to regenerate and some old injury to heal.” I explained calmly.   
“Well… then thank you, milady” he kneeled and took my right hand to give it a soft kiss. I couldn’t help laughing lightly.   
“‘Thank you’ for healing you or ‘thank you’ for not killing you?” I asked with a playful smile as he got to his feet. He smiled at me just as playfully.   
“Both.”

We both laughed like it was the funniest joke ever. I could see the other members of the Justice League watching us like we had gone nuts.

“Girl, you really have to teach me some of your moves.” Aquaman said with smile after we finished laughing. His right hand was on my back while his left one was rubbing his belly.  
“And you need to teach me the water control thingy. I’m almost useless at it.” I admitted ruefully.   
“A deal it is, then.”   
“Wait” Green Arrow interrupted us. “She just beat your ass… and you want to spar with her again?”  
“Yeah” Aquaman said as it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
“I think we just bonded over me kicking his ass…” I trailed off with a smile causing to Aquaman laugh and nod.   
“Well, if kicking ass is how you bond with people… I want to be the next!” Flash’s excited voice was suddenly at my right.   
“Excuse me… did I heard right? You want me to beat you up?” I asked surprised, separating a bit from Aquaman.   
“I want to spar with you, but I’m not so sure of me being the one who gets beaten” he winked at me.   
“Oh, you just dug your own grave.” I smirked wickedly again. I absolutely loved to spar with new people since it gave the thrill of not knowing what the next move would be; it almost felt like being on a real fight. It kept me on edge and so I had to have my entire mind on the fight. There wasn’t time to wander to my experiments nor my lost life and heartlines, neither the possibility of losing the one person who I love and I was sure not only was my right heartline but also my left one. There was only time for fighting, surviving… winning.

“It’s on” he smirked while stretching his left hand. I took it with my right and shook it. I felt a tingling sensation on my right heartlines but I ignored it, thinking it was just excitement for the battle that was to come.

* * *

“Are you alright?” I said concerned while offering Batman my hand to stand up. I really hadn’t wanted to crush him so badly, but he just went over me like a brutal man and I couldn’t react any other way.   
He didn’t answer me but something deep inside me made me help him, even when he refused such help. I managed to simultaneously help him stand and make him recovery.   
“I don’t need your help.” His grunt was extremely aggressive but I didn’t care one bit. I held his left hand still, so I could cure him. “Let me go” he said trying to get free but I held him more firmly.   
“Stop being a prideful ass and just stay still.” My voice was rough and demanding, however it had the desired effect… kind of. Batman was frozen in place and now was staring at me. I stared right back at him with impatience.   
“Y/N…” his mumble was almost unrecognizable, but I knew it sounded like my name. I couldn’t help but open my eyes and stumble back in surprise.  **Just**  the Avengers knew my name, no one on the universe except for them was supposed to know it.   
“ _What?_ ” I asked a little dazed. Panic was starting to build up in me. How the Justice League knew my real name? This wasn’t right! If they knew it, then anyone could!

I didn’t had time to make any further questions to Batman since I heard a suctioning noise and there was this certain smell of old books…  _Loki was here._

“My queen!” his greeting was effusive as always. He embraced me in his arms and placed a light kiss on my forehead. “I’m so glad to see you again.” His smile was soft while he stared at my lips. I couldn’t help but return his smile.   
“You literally saw me today at breakfast.” I said, lifting my eyebrow in questioning.   
“It’s been too long” he replied while holding me closer. I laughed lightly while disentangling from him.   
“Stop kidding around.  Now… I thought Tony was coming?” I asked, just expecting him to say that my one year long boyfriend was about to come… but I had little hope on it. Tony stopped being the most affectionate boyfriend ever since he met that woman… Pepper Potts. She was sweet and intelligent and so hard to hate…  
“He sent me since I am much more capable to fix anything in seconds.” His arrogant smile was all I needed to feel a bit better, like everything was normal. Loki being arrogant? That was an everyday thing! Tony avoiding me and making me feel worse than how Cap makes me feel? This is a whole other planet.  
“You are here to fix the window then?” I asked, just to be sure.   
“Yes, milady. It’s already been fixed, actually. So we’re free to go.” He answered with a smile while offering his hand.   
“Already fixed, but how?” asked Diana, who was the only one who refused to fight me (“Women should fight together, never against each other” was what she said and even though I disagreed at some point, I wasn’t all that into a fight that could end up in a truth session, so I left it there.).   
“Yes, it is. Thanks to my powers, of course. Powers that none of you, simple minds, could understand.” Replied Loki arrogantly. He knew who Wonder Woman and Aquaman were and he was absolutely furious to know that Midgardians loved and remembered better the ancient Greek gods than the Nordic ones. So he wasn’t exactly fond of the Justice League  _at all_.   
“Don’t mind him, he’s always like that.” I said before any of the Justice League members could reply and start a verbal discussion that would end in an actual fight. A fight which I wouldn’t be able to fight since I was already tired of not only fighting Aquaman, Flash, Green Arrow, Superman and Batman, but also healing each of them.   
“Anyway, he’s not lying. The window really is repaired.” Flash said, sounding surprised. Loki smirked at me and I just shook my head smiling.   
“Well then, come on Loki. We have to take the Leviathan to the Avengers tower so it can be studied and destroyed.” I said while starting to walk towards the exit of the sparring room. Loki was at my side in a second.   
“You fought with them?” he asked while lightly touching my shoulder. He avoided touching my wings since he knew they were extremely personal and only some people had won my complete trust to touch them, like Clint, Natasha and Bucky.   
“Yeah…” I answered a bit ashamed. I loved to spar, yes, but I seldom got as violent as I had been with the Justice League.   
“And you cured them, too.” It wasn’t a question, I knew that, but I still nodded. “You must be exhausted” his voice was silk and I couldn’t help a weak smile.   
“I am.”   
Just after saying this, Loki stopped right in front of me; he placed his hands on my shoulders and his forehead against mine. I was about to ask him what the hell was he doing, but I instantly knew it when I felt heat running through my veins. He was giving me his energy. Before I could protest and be prideful about how I didn’t need any help, he separated from me.   
“Loki…” I was about to start what I’m sure was the tongue lash of the year when he calmly interrupted me.   
“I’m well aware that you’re capable of getting through the day on your own and that you don’t need any of my help, however I just gave you enough energy so you could help me take the leviathan to the Avengers tower, since if I didn’t gave you that energy and you had helped me, you wouldn’t be able to wreak havoc in the spar room today as you usually do.” He finished without even looking at me and I just stayed silent, thinking about how he worried about me… and how good it felt. We were about to get to main hall where the leviathan was when I found enough courage to murmur a low “Thank you”. 

* * *

Loki was helping me get the leviathan all bound up when the Justice League came in at once.   
“We’re just leaving, sorry for taking so long” I said without looking up of my task at hand (which was making a knot tight enough so that when Loki transported me, the leviathan would come with us).   
“Don’t worry about it… we just wanted to talk to you about…”I heard Flash trailing off, so I finally looked up. They were having an  _almost_ silent debate of who would speak what they surely had agreed on telling us. Everyone was glaring at each other and making slight hand gestures, except for Batman, who was just staring at me. He hadn’t stopped since I was curing him and suddenly said my name…   
“About what?” I asked, tired of seeing them mumble and point at each other.   
“Uh… eh… well…”it was Superman who finally dared to answer. “We wanted to know if… um, if the Avengers are willing to make an official alliance?”   
“Oh…” I answered surprised and looked at Loki for help. He just shrugged his shoulders and continued with what he was doing. “Well, I would have to ask.”   
“Okay, well. If you accept, then maybe we can reunite here in two weeks?” he offered with little conviction.   
“It would be better to do it in three weeks, since we have an important event on the next two. Is that alright for you?” I asked, still a little surprised with their proposition.   
“Yeah, it is” he smiled kindly and I nodded.   
“Well then… see you in three weeks.” I said while securing the last part of the leviathan since Loki had finished with all the other work when I was talking with Superman.   
I heard almost all of them saying their respective goodbyes, except Batman. His eyes connected to mine for a moment and… a horrible headache started. Ugh, I could almost hear those faint voices again… today they have been more present than any other time since I woke up from comma almost two years ago.  First it was with Green Arrow and me calling him ‘Ollie’, then when Flash was challenging me to fight not only did one of my right heartlines hurt but something in me just wanted to punch the smirk out of his face, just… make him suffer; same with Superman and Batman. Now, the voices were turning on the intensity and when I opened my eyes, I was no longer on the Justice Hall…

* * *

 _“Not fair, Bruce!” a voice cried out and I turned to see a brown haired boy pouting “Today is_ **my**  birthday! I should be the one having he larger piece of Y/N’s cake!”   
“Don’t worry, Damian” I recognized my own soft voice “You like my fudge brownies better, don’t you?”   
“Yeah…”   
“Then I’ll have a batch ready just for you in a minute, okay?”   
“Seriously?” Doubt covered the sweet voice. I felt the urge to wrap my arms around this kid and never letting go.   
“Yes, seriously.” I could feel my wide smile blooming on my face. “You’re the birthday boy, you get anything you want.”   
“Thanks, mom! You’re the best!” I could hear young laughter and felt a warm feeling on my chest.   
“I hope I get the same treatment on my birthday, love” a seductive masculine voice was near me. I felt pure joy and playfulness.   
“What? Having the larger piece of cake taken from you?” I asked with a smile while I saw the kid Damian go and talk to other boys… men about how I was going to give him a complete brownie batch for himself.   
“I could give up an entire life of your baked sweets if I got the ‘you get anything you want’ deal” hands were on my hips and his hot breath was on my neck.   
“Mmm, and what would you possibly want Mr. Wayne? You have everything you could ever need or want at reach.”   
“Not you.”   
“You do, you have me.” I smiled while getting face to face with Bruce…  **Bruce Wayne** …   
“Not completely…”   
“Bruce…” My sigh was tired, as if I had heard that a dozen times.   
“Y/N, please… you’re my two heartlines, I love  **you**  and  **no one else**. Why can’t you do the same?” his eyes were desperate and I wanted to calm him down and let him know I loved him with every piece of me… but I also loved my other heartlines with the same intensity.   
“I… I just can’t, Bruce. Please understand… I love you all, you all complete me.”

* * *

I was gasping for air at the end of the flashback.   
“Y/N, my love, are you alright?” Loki’s concerned voice brought back to the present. I was not in… what seemed like a manor… the  _Wayne Manor_ , most probably… I was in the Justice Hall, getting everything ready to get the hell out of there, with Loki’s help. I tried to concentrate and found Loki’s green orbs just in front of me. He was holding my head softly, obliging me to look at him directly. I didn’t notice I was holding his arms for support until I tried to move.   
“I… I’m alright, Loki. Don’t worry. It’s just… the voices came back.” I explained vaguely trying to separate myself from him, but he held me closer.   
“I thought they were gone about six months ago?” the concern in his voice was evident.  
“They were. Now I have to return to medication.” I said a bit uncomfortable since I knew that more than one Justice Leaguer could (and was) hearing us. “Now, let’s get going.”

I ignored the Justice League’s question about my health and such. I just said as my last farewell “I’m fine, I’ll see you all in three weeks”, then Loki took my hand and we both transported to the Avenger tower while I held the leviathan’s ropes tightly.

“Just about time!” Nat’s voice was burlesque but I ignored her and just got off the leviathan. “Y/N?” her voice sounded worried now and she got closer to me. I just got my special glasses off of me and when I passed by her side, I shoved them to her hands and continued on walking hurriedly to the nearest exit. Apparently we landed on what Tony and I liked to call ‘the garage’, since all the cars, motorcycles and mechanical experiments in progress were kept in here; so I could just open the second door and be out in the woods.   
I heard many people calling me but I ignored them. I wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone. My past life was chasing me and I had to run.  Just run.

_Run, run, run._

The word was repeated on my mind again and again, like an echo.   
I had to run.  
I had to escape.   
I had to go.

I was running. The sky was blue and the grass was a vibrant green…  _I am running._

From what?   
 _Doesn’t matter. Just keep on going. Just run_.   
Or what?   
 _They will catch you.  
_ They?   
 _Memories, your past life, the horrible nightmares. They._ **Them.**

“Y/N!” Tony’s voice was distant “We have to talk!” he was deadly serious, I could tell.

Once I processed that Tony… Tony Stark, my boyfriend, my fourth right heartline, my love and my second self-proclaimed soulmate, wanted to talk… about something serious, I didn’t need any more logical reason to run faster.

Night was falling when I stopped running. Not because I was tired or anything, but because the road ended. I was now on the edge of a cliff, staring at the setting sun and the ocean. I wanted to run more and stop thinking, but my wings were sore from having them pulled in for so long and I couldn’t (wouldn’t) fly since flying was my thinking time… and all I ever wanted to do is escape my thoughts. Running did the job because I focused on my burning lungs, on the road and not falling with a rock.

“Done with running from your problems?” I heard Wanda’s voice behind me. I knew Nat was with her or close by, so this was it. I had no more escape and I had to deal with my stupid problems, since they would make me.   
“Actually, no. I think I could run from them another… lifetime, I say?” I tried to escape sarcastically. I knew it wouldn’t work… but it was worth the shot.   
“I don’t think so.” Now it was Nat’s voice. I couldn’t help but sigh. They’ve got me cornered.   
“Okay then.” I said turning to face them and saw that they were already sitting cross-legged on the grass. I got closer and sat. “What am I to talk about?”  
“First things first, why did you ran away so suddenly? Did the Dumbass League do something to you?” Natasha was deadly serious and angry. I knew that if told her they even looked at me wrongly, she would personally go to the Justice Hall and assassinate them all, no exceptions. She was like big mama bear… or dragon, whichever.   
“They didn’t harm me in any way. Actually, they wanted to spar with me.” I said with a smile. I got the expected answer: smiles and hearty laughs.   
“Oh, please tell me you did” Wanda smiled at me and I nodded.   
“Yep, I kicked their asses cleanly. Fools wanted to fight with powers.” I cackled.   
“Oh my God! What would I give to have been there!” Nat was full on laughing now, just imagining the mess I did with the Justice League. In her little beautifully twisted mind I knew she was exaggerating whatever I could’ve done to the Justice League and that made her extremely happy, for some reason.   
“I bet you would’ve love their faces when I knocked Superman out” I chuckled and Nat laughed wholeheartedly.   
“Ooh, I would’ve enjoyed myself so much” she smiled excited and I nodded.   
“But… then why were you so upset?” Wanda asked confused. I couldn’t help a sigh escape from my lips.   
“The voices… they came back.” I said staring directly at the grass I was sat on. I heard their sharp intake of breath.   
“Oh, sweetie…” Nat voice was somewhat tired. I couldn’t help but feel guilty for making my problems theirs.  
“That’s not it… you’ve had sudden episodes before… what was different now?” Wanda, ever so observant, asked.  
“It was not just voices, okay? I… remembered something. An actual memory, visual and all” I said while rubbing my forehead tiredly.   
“And?” Nat questioned, confused. I raised my head to look at her dumbfounded.  
“And?! What do you mean with that?!” My voice sounded chocked, as if I was out breath.   
“Well, it’s just a memory… just your usual voice episode with images, what’s so worrying about it?” Nat was confused and Wanda just sighed while shaking her head.   
“What did you see in the memory that affected you so much?” Wanda’s voice was smooth, as if she was afraid of scaring me.   
“I saw… one of my heartlines… I saw him, smiling and being sweet to me” I answered in what seemed a defeated voice. I pushed my head up, expecting to see Nat and Wanda smiling and urging me to say more; but instead, they were glancing worriedly at each other. “Um… is there something you want to tell me?”   
“No!” both answered at the same time.   
“Yeah… that’s not odd at all.” I murmured feeling that there was something they were hiding from me. However, I ignored my gut and tried to focus the conversation back to my little episode… maybe I could convince Wanda of erasing that memory. “Anyway, I remembered a name”   
“A name? Like… your complete name?” Nat was paying full attention to me now. I hated to break her illusions, but I had to be honest. I sighed and breathed a brief ‘No’ for her. She seemed to slump a little after that and I couldn’t help but feel a little sad about not remembering my name… I felt even worse that the only way we knew that my name was Y/N was because of that bastard, Edward Van Court. My name was a little slip he did when being interrogated… however, as soon as he figured out that I wasn’t dead and that I was also amnesiac, he sealed his lips completely.

“Then whose name did you remember?” Wanda brought me back to reality.   
“One of my heartlines’… Bruce Wayne” I answered watching closely to their reactions. Now I got the expected reactions: wide eyes and gasps.   
“Wait, wait… Bruce Wayne? As  ** _THE_**  Bruce Wayne?” Nat leaned closer to me, as if to give a more dramatic effect. I just chuckled, slightly amused.   
“I’m pretty sure it was  ** _the_**  Bruce Wayne” my slight chuckles became a full on laughter when I saw Nat’s dumbfounded face.   
“The bastard. He had all the resources to search for you…” I heard Wanda mutter angrily and suddenly, seeing Nat so astounded wasn’t funny anymore.   
“But still, he didn’t.” I completed in a defeated sigh. “He didn’t search for me, he just forgot me… like I forgot him.”   
“You had a concussion; it wasn’t your decision to forget!” Nat exclaimed angrily, looking at me as if I had gone nuts.   
“But I had the option of Wanda bringing my memories back and didn’t go with it.” I replied calmly.   
“What is it with you and carrying all the blame in the world?” I could tell my redheaded friend was getting exasperated.   
“It is just the truth, Nat. Calm down.” I said softly to her.   
“No! I will not! He had the power and influence to search for you, unlike the other two! Why didn’t he?!”   
“The other two?” I asked with a laugh “We don’t know who the other two are, sweetie!” I exclaimed amused. Then I glanced over at Wanda to make a ‘Can you believe her?’ gesture, but stopped when I saw Wanda staring holes at Natasha, like she was ready to just kill her… “Wait… we… we really don’t know who the other two are, right?” I said a bit more seriously, looking between the two of them. They stayed silent. “Right?!”

“Y/N… you… we have had conversations like this before, sweetie.” Nat was now calm and her voice seemed cautious, as if fearing my reaction.

“No, we haven’t. I never had had a memory that included images and a name… I would remember that.” I said in a forced laugh.

“You don’t, because you asked me to erase those memories…” Wanda answered softly. I looked at her surprised, but she was staring at the ground, as if she was ashamed to admit it.

“Oh…” I nodded in understanding.

“I know I shouldn’t have accepted when you asked me to, but you seemed so wrecked and helpless and I couldn’t help myself-” Wanda started ranting, justifying her actions. However, I was having none of that and just placed a hand over hers.

“Wanda, it’s okay. I’m not mad or anything.” I said softly.

“Why wouldn’t you? I made you forget your heartlines names and quite possibly, stalled your amnesia recovery.” Her voice was low, filled with guilt.

“Who said I want to recover, in the first place?” I asked with a little irritation.

“Well, it’s obvious you’d want to recover… after all, you had a life and three heartlines…” Nat reasoned, but I just rolled my eyes.

“We’ve discussed this a million times!” I screamed in frustration while standing up “Yes, I had three heartlines, three people that are “important” in my life. What makes you think I was important in  ** _their_**  lives?! They never searched for me! Not once! In almost two years I’ve been here, not a single missing person report or search has been given for me. You really think they are still waiting for me? That after all this time, they think I’m just taking a wee bit longer than they expected in the market? Because I don’t. I don’t fool myself thinking that these three people really love me or ever did. I think my life is better now that I’m here, with you, with the Avengers; because I know you care about me and if I ever went missing, you would search through heaven and hell for me. They didn’t and so I don’t see a damn reason to remember them if they don’t remember me.” I was furious. Just talking about my past life got me reeling. I was more than fine being an Avenger and having them as my only family.

“Well, we don’t care too much about them either, Y/N. As you said, we care about you.” Nat stood up, her face impassive. “We want you to remember your childhood, high school memories, if you have sisters, brothers or annoying cousins… Your life wasn’t just about those three idiots who didn’t appreciate you, of that I’m sure.”

“And what purpose would that have? I’m sure I’m not the same person I was. Just from the memory I got this afternoon I could take I was sweet and warm, not to mention a great baker. A baker, for God’s sake! I don’t bake, Nat! I cook every dish from any damn country, but I cannot bake even pancakes!” I was screaming, in the verge of tears. I was afraid of remembering, not because my life could be bad but because… it could’ve been good and I would remember things I can no longer have… I can no longer be.

“We will be there for you, we will support you” Wanda said softly while she embraced me. I hold to her like my life depended on it.

“I can’t” I murmured shaking “I can’t, Wanda. I cannot face my life, my problems… I’m just not ready.”

“You’re as ready as you will ever be, Y/N. You have postponed it enough and I’m no longer letting you escape this.” She grunted taking my shoulders to pull me into seeing directly into her eyes.

“No… Wanda… Natasha…” I pleaded, but both of them shook their heads. Wanda was about to put her hands in my head when I stopped her.

“No, wait!” I held her hands

“Y/N! Be grown-ass woman and face it!” Natasha exclaimed exasperated.

“I will, I will. Just listen to me.” I tried to reason with them while putting my hands up in surrender, however I also took a few steps back from them.

“What?” Both asked at the same time in the same bitch tone. I sighed, knowing that there was no way of making them see…. or even understand my fears. They wanted me to remember and they would make sure I did, one way or another. My only option was to postpone my sentence a bit longer… just after we completed the mission I was working on.

“I-I admit that I need to… to remember and I need to face my fears and all that shit.” I sighed tiredly and they nodded “However, we have a mission on course. In just three weeks the plan S.H.I.E.L.D. has been planning for months will take action and I’m an essential part of it. I need to… need to concentrate on this. If… if I don’t all of our work will be lost. You know this is something I will need time to adapt, time to assimilate a whole life and that time cannot be afforded now. Just… just give me this three weeks and then you can bring my life back, no excuses.”

Nat and Wanda were staring at each other, like having a mental conversation (which, now that I think about it, with Wanda’s powers, is quite possible). I waited for a few seconds before Wanda sighed in a defeated manner.

“Ok, I understand. The mission is extremely important and we do need your entire focus on it.” Wanda answered reluctantly “I will lock the memory you got today and lock everything related to your past life for three weeks, not a second longer. In fact, everything that I’m going to put to rest now, will unlock the second you wake up the day after the mission. Are we clear?” She said dead serious.

“Yes, Wanda” I nodded “Also, before I forget… do any of you know why Tony wants to talk with me?” I asked, remembering that before I started running, my boyfriend and fourth right heartline, Tony Stark called me with the same tone Wanda had just used on me.

“Well…” Nat trailed off, she seemed a bit nervous. I gulped hard.

“He is… he’s going to break up with me right?” I asked in a much weaker voice than I planned to.

“We… we think so, yes.” Wanda answered avoiding eye contact.

I felt cold inside and just this urge to cry so hard.

“Can you erase that too, after it happens?” I asked Wanda, not really expecting her to grant my wish.

“No Y/N” She shook her head and my stomach dropped “This you must face now. We will be there for you, but I cannot do anything… what I’m about to do… lock your memories… is extremely dangerous. I will not risk your sanity further.”

“Well” I nodded, trying to smile to hide my sadness “Bright side of it all: Strange will accept to be my teacher again in three weeks… and, without a boyfriend, I will have just enough time” I tried to chuckle, however a broken sob was what left my lips.

“Oh honey… you’ll be alright” Nat said in a soothing tone, pulling me towards her embrace.

“I know… in fact, I was thinking of ending things myself after all the canceled dates and such… I just can’t help but think that… all my right heartlines leave me.” I managed to say through the tears. Nat took me by the shoulders and looked right into my eyes.

“They are idiots, all of them.” She said with an edge to her voice.

“At least they are not your soulmates, right?” Wanda tried to cheer me up a bit. I nodded looking at her.

“Yeah, thank God for that.” I smiled sincerely.

I took a deep calming breath, separated myself from Nat and started walking towards Wanda.

“Okay, I’m ready when you are…” I told her, trying to calm my racing heart.

I felt Wanda’s soft hands on my forehead before everything went black.


	5. I'm here for your entertainment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wicked Chaos finally has the chance to be an important part of a mission with the Avengers, however she doesn’t quite like her role in all of this.

I almost don’t recognize the woman staring at me through the mirror. It’s almost ridiculous to think I’m her…

Her hair looks silky and well taken care of, almost like a silk curtain that reaches just below the shoulders. Her face is clear of any imperfection with the right amount of make up for it to look natural and there’s no glasses keeping anyone from admiring her gorgeous eyes. Her lips look plump and kissable with the deep cherry red they are painted in, the same as the red off-the-shoulder dress she wears is. Looking down I admire the way the dress clings to the upper part of her body in just the right way, then it flares slightly from the waist until a little after the knees. Then, to end the seductress attire, there’s the 6 inch black heels Nat insisted I should wear and I had to learn how to walk in.

She looks like something straight out of a classy movie. It’s unbelievable that I’m her. The most notable difference between this version of me and my normal appearance is the absence of wings.

Almost a year ago I discovered I was able to control energy in any form, so I could control matter in general. I decided to start practicing controlling things within me and after completely dominating it, I became ambitious: I wanted a pair of wings.

After studying birds almost religiously and after many uncountable failed experiments, I finally managed to make a pair of wings grow from my back. It was extremely painful and they were pretty hideous at first, but after the feathers grew, they were stunning. I love my wings, I absolutely adore them. However I needed to be a normal person for this…“event”. So I was obligated to pull them in. It was both physically and emotionally painful.

Even though I know I can pull them out at any time if necessary (it would be an excruciating experience, but with some magic it would only last a moment or two) I still feel an itch in my back. I just don’t feel like myself.

I stare a little dumbfounded at the mirror for a few more seconds. The red color of my attire is a little too shiny for me, but my friends insisted that it gave the desired message. After all, red is the color of seduction and desire, of rage and anger… of love and passion.

I can’t help but feel like this is a terrible irony, considering my horrible luck on the matters of the heartlines.

“Stop thinking so hard, doll. You look more than fine.” A gruff voice says from behind me. I can’t help but smile, knowing instantly who it was.

“You like it, huh?” I ask with a little smile, looking to Bucky’s blue eyes through the mirror. He is leaning on the bathroom door frame with his arms over his chest. I can’t help but let my eyes wander a little since he is wearing a black suit… a very fit black suit.

“You don’t?” he asks seriously.

“Too much red, wouldn’t you say?” I answer, shaking my head lightly.

“Red is a lovely color…” he murmurs. I laugh a bit humorlessly.

“Lovely… yeah, the color of love. The thing I’m worst at.” I drawl with no little amount of bitterness.

“Well… it’s also the color of blood.” He shrugs trying to look disinterested. I can’t help the little laugh that now escaped my throat.

“The thing I’m good at getting from others, huh?” I ask with a tiny smile. “Such opposite meanings…” I sighed.

Truth is that red is also the first color I remember. Before I saw Steve’s baby blue eyes that day I woke up almost two years ago, I remember seeing red. Was it my own blood? Probably… but I remember clearly it wasn’t something liquid or sticky, it had a texture… much like the cover of a cushion.

“Either way, you definitely rock it.” Now it was Nat’s voice, trying to cheer me up. I roll my eyes playfully.

“Is it time, Nat?” I ask, gripping the white marble of my bathroom sink. I look down. My knuckles are white from the force. I want this to end as soon as possible. In fact, I didn’t even want it to start.

“Yes, everyone’s here.” Her voice is no longer cheery. It’s dead serious, like when we were on a mission.

_Well, duh. **We are**  on a mission._

“Give me a second.” I breath, looking again at the mirror.

 _You can’t fuck this up. You can’t_.

I repeated those words in my head what seemed like a thousand times and they still didn’t stick through. This is the first mission that depended almost totally on me. In the whole year I’ve been with the Avengers, I’ve only just gotten minor parts of the missions. While working with S.H.I.E.L.D. I had an almost endless backup in case things went south, even when I called the shots. However, here and now, I am most certainly alone. I mean sure, almost every single trustable person I know is here, but they can do nothing to help me. This whole mission depends on me.

Nat has tried to reassure me saying that this is an easy mission. Just seducing the target, slip a little codifier into his phone and done. Obviously, this was a piece of cake for her. She’s done this kind of job long before she even allied with S.H.I.E.L.D. For me… I felt more than a little pressured.

I concentrated on the woman in front of me. She looked scared as hell and that would not do. She was beautiful and gorgeous. Sexy.

I can do this. Hell, I’ll rock this shit. True, I’ve never seduced a man. I’ve never had the need or the interest (not that I can remember, at least). That’s fine. I’ve been practicing this shit with Bucky and he said I was all ready to break someone’s heart. He should know, right?

_Come on, no one will resist this beautiful classy seductress! This may not be entirely me, but damn if this isn’t something I’ve always wanted to try._

_Good pep talk, Y/N. Tony should really let you give them every time._

Fuck, Tony. Nope. Don’t think of that. It still hurts.

 _Focus. Stay focused. You have something important to do.  
You have a show to put on display, a man to seduce, and information to steal. _ 

Better.

_The entry dance and music are simple, and you’ll look fantastic. In fact, half of the work will be done with just that. Everyone will stare at you. That’s a good thing, right? Yes, it should be._

“Hate to interrupt your internal debate, but we’re running out of time here.” Nat’s soft hand squeezes my shoulder hard. Harder.  It seemed to have the desired effect, since I decided it is time.

I shut my eyes tight and breathe in, then out.

I stand up straighter and clear out my mind. My head is held up high while I follow Nat through my floor to the elevator. I feel Bucky behind me. It makes me feel somehow safer.

The elevator stops too soon and I get out. Nat’s hand is pointed to my left, signaling the way I should go. I know where I should be, even before she points it out. We’ve been through this whole scenario more times than I could care to count. I follow my intended path without so much as a glance back.

I continue my slow walk to the stairs. I try to remain calm while counting the steps I take. I know I have to get to the stairs that lead to the floor below me, where a stage has been settled. A stage where I know Tony should be climbing up to right now. Everything has been calculated to perfection; from the space that should be between chairs to the amount of steps and time I should take to make it to the front of the stage.

Twenty-two steps and three muffled ‘everyone, sit down for a moment please’ from Tony, I’m in position to wait for the signal he should give me.

“Thank you.” I hear the smile on his voice and know he’s about to say something stupid.  _God, why do I know him so well?_  “You really are a tough crowd.” There. Stupid… but somehow funny. At least it makes the crowd laugh. “Now, I asked all of you to sit since the time has arrived for me to remind you why we are here. Sure, you all think you know why you’re here, but I can say with utmost certainty that you’re wrong.”  _Is he drunk? Please, don’t let him be drunk. Not now. This mission has taken so much work. We may never have an opportunity like this again._  “Yeah, I see your confusion.” He certainly doesn’t sound drunk, and I know he wouldn’t mess with a mission like this.

However, time has proven I know nothing about him at all. After all, I believed wholeheartedly he loved me dearly, just like I love him. Then he ignored me and broke up with me. That really hurt.

Ugh. Whining and bitching around is so not my thing. Such feelings are unacceptable now; or ever, for that matter. I had my ten minutes after the break up to cry, sob and whine about life and love, and oh how life is unfair. That time has been over for more than a week and I, honest to God, can’t believe I haven’t gotten over it yet.

It wasn’t supposed to hurt this long, dammit. It wasn’t supposed to be this damn difficult to get rid of feelings, simple chemical reactions of the fucking brain! He’s just my co-worker and almost my boss. I live under his roof…  _now, I should really change that._

“This is a birthday party, isn’t it?” someone says doubtfully, ending my internal rambling.

“Yeah, a birthday party! However, this fun and very expensive party has another purpose. Can anyone guess what it is?” I can almost hear the smile on his voice.  _Fuck, what the hell is he doing?_

“The fuck is he doing?” I hear Nat hissing on my earpiece.

“Exactly my thoughts, red.” I answer in a whisper.

“Let’s trust the guy a bit more. Maybe he’s got a point.” Clint suggests casually.

“We planned this for months. This is not the time to improvise.” I answer angrily, trying to catch a glimpse of Tony from above. Maybe he is indeed drunk and we need to stop him before he ruins everything.

“Are my ears hearing this? Y/N, angry at her lover’s carelessness?” mock surprise is spilling from Steve’s voice “My, my, another lovers’ spat?”

“Get your facts straight, Rogers. There’s no longer a lovers relationship to talk about” I growl angrily, almost sure that anyone could hear me if they are close enough.

“No one? What a shame, ladies and gentlemen. Anyhow, I see you’re curious. So, you want to know what else you’re here?” Tony says with light humor. After a collective yes, he speaks again. “You’re here because, after two years of having found this beauty, we thought it was time to finally present to the world the wonderful and unique… Y/N Romanoff!”

Finally. That was my signal. In pure instinct my back straightens and I feel my whole demeanor change. It’s showtime indeed.

The starting beats of ‘For your entertainment’, by Adam Lambert is heard through the whole place.

 

I start going down the stairs with the beat of the music. Of course, it had to be a sexy song, something I felt secure and comfortable with. What better choice than the perfect expensive stripper song I knew?

> _“That would definitely be the perfect stripper song, wouldn’t you say?” I asked Nat with a smile, hearing the highs and downs of the song.  I really didn’t like to hear music, it’s a distraction and it compromises your hearing, but I would do anything for Nat._
> 
> _“Not my style, really. However, I can totally imagine you dancing like a stripper to it.” Her smile was burlesque and her eyes playful while she continued staring at the road ahead of us._
> 
> _“As if” I scoffed “I would never dance… much less like a stripper and in front of an audience.”_
> 
> _“Well, maybe not like a stripper but the crowd part…that, I think, will change.”_
> 
> _“You’re crazy” I said knowingly with a small smile in her direction._
> 
> _“Am not.” Her smirk was smug. I couldn’t help but think that it only meant trouble… for me, obviously._

In the end, it did mean trouble for me. After all, I am here putting on a show, aren’t I?

Going down the 16 stairs I feel the color lights on me while rocking my hips just right. I arrive at the end of the stairs in perfect time to grab the microphone firmly.

 _So hot_  
Out the box  
Can you pick up the pace?  
Turn it up,  
Heat it up  
I need to be entertained  
Push the limit  
Are you with it?  
Baby, don’t be afraid  
I’m a hurt ‘ya real good, baby

I am scanning the crowd while I walk, swaying my hips, to the center of the stage. I am very aware of everyone’s eyes on me. On any other day I would’ve been disgusted and annoyed, however all I feel right now is pleasure and an addicting feeling passing through me.

 _Let’s go_  
It’s my show  
Baby, do what I say  
Don’t trip off the glitz  
That I’m gonna display  
I told ya  
I’m a hold ya down until you’re amazed  
Give it to ya ‘til you’re screaming my name

I smile once my eyes locate my objective: Lex Luthor. He’s totally captivated by my show, following my every move. Good lord, he is even blushing now that I’m staring at him. What kind of supervillain is this? A lame, blushing teenager with thirst for petty revenge?  _What the hell?_

Ugh, anyway. Not my place to judge. I am only meant to copy every single thing that was on his phone, without him suspecting it. That way, we could not only know all about the freaky experiments he’s been doing, but about the various deals among the worst of the worst. Because of course this millionaire boy had the ultimate artifacts at hand which all were interconnected somehow. Steal one thing; you get access to every other single freaking important information. People today are idiots.  

 _No escaping when I start_  
Once I’m in I own your heart  
There’s no way you’ll ring the alarm  
So hold on until it’s over

I start walking slowly to him, noting how nervous he gets with every step I take.  
I finally reach his place and start walking around him, like a lion inspecting his prey. However, that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m searching for where his phone is.

 _Oh, do you know what you got into?_  
Can you handle what I’m 'bout to do?  
'Cause it’s about to get rough for you  
I’m here for your entertainment

I’m lightly touching his shoulders. It’s a teasing touch, but the angle is enough to see that his phone is on his coat, inner pocket. I can’t just throw myself to him and touch his phone without being discovered.

**Fuck. Improvise.**

_Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet  
_ _'Ya thought an angel swept you off ya feet  
_ _But I’m about to turn up the heat  
_ _I’m here for your entertainment_

I decide to play hard to get. It will be fairly easy now that his entire attention is on me… or my hips. Now he just needs to see me get a little personal with someone else, but not enough to seem unattainable. I just need him to get near me to pickpocket him. Thank God I just need to insert a little chip on his cell so everything gets copied.

 _It’s alright_  
You’ll be fine  
Baby, I’m in control  
Take the pain  
Take the pleasure  
I’m the master of both  
Close your eyes  
Not your mind  
Let me into your soul  
I’m a work it 'til you’re totally blown

I make my way over to Bucky, who is sat at the bar staring at every single move I make. I think he’s totally uncomfortable with me being out in the open, singing and dancing; probably because I’ve only ever sung to him and Loki, before this entire ordeal started months ago.

However, I see he catches my train of thought rather quickly and smiles smugly at me. I correspond that smile with a brilliant one of my own.

 _No escaping when I start_  
Once I’m in I own your heart  
There’s no way you’ll ring the alarm  
So hold on until it’s over

On my way to Buck, I catch the gazes of a few shocked people… but what gets my attention is that I don’t recognize who they are. That is totally strange because I was the one who did the entire guest list, trying to avoid getting people who could be a threat to the mission into it. Maybe it was the lights or something… but I have a tingling feeling on my right arm that tells me otherwise.

 _Oh, do you know what you got into?_  
Can you handle what I’m 'bout to do?  
'Cause it’s about to get rough for you  
I’m here for your entertainment

I concentrate on Buck and throw my whole body and mind into flirting. It needs to be obvious that we’re both interested in each other, but not searching something too serious. Maybe it is better to pretend we don’t know each other.

I easily fall to flirting mode with him. It’s easy and comfortable, most likely because I really would like to flirt with him on a daily basis, but as something real… as in the possibility of becoming more.

However, all that doesn’t matter right now. I need to remind myself that we’re on a mission.

 _Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet_  
'Ya thought an angel swept ya off your feet  
Well I’m about to turn up the heat  
I’m here for your entertainment

Buck and I are all light touches and little smirks here and there. I feel someone huff in annoyance at my side. I can only guess it’s Steve. He has been all grumpy and annoying since Buck and I started my “training to flirt”. It’s like we’re personally and deliberately wronging him by how annoyed and furious he gets!  

 _Oh oh…_  
Oh oh…  
Entertainment…  
Oh oh… Oh entertainment…  
I’m here for your entertainment…

I decide this is the best time to start making my way to the stage again. I leave Bucky with a wink and a conspiratorial smile. I start walking slowly, while singing with passion. I catch Lex Luthor glaring daggers at Bucky, and then his stare returns to me. I send him a wink, and I watch how he blushes fifty shades of red.

 _Oooohhh…_  
Do you like what you see?  
Wooooaaaahhhh…  
Let me entertain 'ya till you screeaaam

I’m on the stage again, swinging my hips and staring at the public through hooded eyes. I know the song is almost over, so I make the most of my chance to be sexy. I move around, using the cut of my dress in my favor to show enough skin to tease.

 _Oh, do you know what you got into?_  
Can you handle what I’m 'bout to do?  
'Cause it’s about to get rough for you  
I’m here for your entertainment  
Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet (bet ya thought)  
'Ya thought an angel swept ya off your feet  
Well I’m about to turn up the heat (turn up the heat)  
I’m here for your entertainment

I finish up with my eyes closed and receive the roaring thunder of applause. I smile satisfied with myself and open my eyes. I see the lights are now normal, so I can see everyone smiling and cheering. I laugh at Nat’s thumbs up and smug smirk.

“Thank you, thank you.” I say in the microphone bowing my head slightly. I feel giddy and happy, I feel exhausted but somehow with enough energy to run a marathon. I feel alive. “Well, nice to meet you all.” I smile opening my eyes. Everyone is still cheering and applauding. “Thank you. Now, as Tony has said I’m Y/N Romanoff. I just got here around two hours ago from…” I start my short speech that explains vaguely why I haven’t been seen with the Avengers before. Of course all of it is crap, but we needed an explanation as to why we had a party apart from my “birthday”. “So, I’m just really happy to be here. I hope you enjoy the rest of the party.” I end with a warm smile, just to get down the stage with a little help from Sam.

I smirk at him and make my way to the bar. However, someone stops me. I turn, ready to strike in instinct, when I see it is my objective: Luthor. I smile pleasantly at him, trying to ignore the way he can’t stop leering.

“So… just got to New York?” his smile is confident and arrogant. I want to roll my eyes at him and maybe punch him, but I refrain. I’m close… I lean further into his personal space and place a hand on his chest.

“Yeah… and I wouldn’t mind a little bit of welcoming fun, you know?” my question is breathed against his ear and I feel him shiver. Oh, dear. He’s mine. In less than half a minute I insert the diminutive decodifier into his phone, just in time for him to try to put a hand in my waist. I get out of his grasp with a little playful push. “However, that will need to wait. This party is in my honor, after all.” I wink at him taking another step back from him.

“O-ok, so I’ll see you later?” he stutters. Oh jeez, he’s looking at me like I hung up the moon and the stars. What a pest. I would gladly stab him right now, without remorse. Just knowing he’s tried to hurt the Avengers before (albeit, indirectly) makes my blood boil.

“Sure thing.” I smile coyly. He’s about to say something when someone bumps into him with enough force for him to nearly fall. I see how he turns around to retaliate, probably be all arrogant and ask the typical ‘Do you know who I am?’. He looks predictable like that.

I don’t have the patience for that… nor a good jerk tolerance. Not today. Maybe not ever.

So I take my chance and hurry away from Mr. Luthor as soon as his mouth opens.

I linger around the party, receiving compliments all around while I search for Nat in the crowd. I scan as discreetly as I can, but it’s really difficult when people get easily offended by not looking directly at them. Suddenly, the whole energy boost I had from singing and dancing is drained. I don’t like most of these people. It’s true I made the whole guest list, but that doesn’t mean I exactly got to choose who came or not. That’s probably because if I had a choice in the matter, the party would’ve been rather modest since I would only include the Avengers and the few people who were kind to all of them (including Loki). So, I didn’t really get to choose much… in fact, I think I’m lucky they even let me do my makeup myself, since the whole team treated me like a child with this mission. Picking the song I should dance, the dress I should dance in, and even the heels! I’m rambling now. I just want to get this over with.

Yep, people who are dicks to my friends are a total buzz kill. Even thinking about how many of these people have looked at Buck or Loki with a sneer on their face makes me sick.

I can understand why people would be resentful of Loki… he was more than a bit crazy, and he did try to take control of the planet and make us all his slaves… but stuff happens, and we all have bad times. He is getting better at dealing with daddy issues, and he is trying. I think that even if it’s not a total redeemable quality, it is something admirable. People sneering and being dicks to him won’t help at all. If anything, it sets him back to his old ways and thinking of  _“Filthy midgardians, they are nothing but simple mosquitoes compared to me…”_  or something along those lines. So, it really makes my job of making him a man (or asgardian) of honor again more difficult.

I don’t like that. Not at all.

However, I have to find Nat. Standing here, just thinking of what could’ve been and what I would’ve liked, won’t take me anywhere.

I’ve never been a fan of small talk, but on my way to get to Natasha, I’m obliged to do it. I greet everyone and anyone with a smile that feels far too bright and far too wide for strangers. By the time I get to my redheaded friend, I’m just about ready to go to my floor… or maybe fly for a bit… anything, but be here.

“It’s done” I tell her once I get close enough so only she can hear me. She looks at me, unamused.

“So soon?” she rasps, and I realize a second later she’s trying to contain her laughter. Of course she would laugh.She knows I’m not comfortable, since I’m not in my element. Here, there’s no one to fight and spar with. Furthermore, the simple fact that I have to go around without my wings feels…  **wrong.**

She’s about to take a gulp from her drink, but I take it from her hands and swallow it entirely. I pull a slight face at the taste and burn in my throat. Suddenly, an uncomfortable warmth starts in my stomach; however, it vanishes as quickly as it started.

“Rude” she smirks and takes a glass of champagne from the mingling waiters around.

“My part is done. I want to go.” I snap, no humour in my voice.

“What happened? You were fine on the stage, why don’t you enjoy yourself a little?” she sips from her glass while looking around. Her weight is distributed from her right leg to the left one. I notice she scans the crowd subtlety, as if not to tip me off. She’s nervous… or at least uneasy about something.

“What is it?” I ask, still observing her body language. I know she has full control of her reactions, she has been trained to, but I also know that she usually has her guard down when I’m around. We are friends. No, scratch that. We are sisters. I carry her name with pride and honor. I almost couldn’t believe it when she offered me to take her last name. I didn’t have a last name, not that we knew of, so I could choose any name for the official records there had to be about me. Nat said that I could take hers.

> _“Are you serious?” I questioned, astonished. I found it difficult to close my mouth. I was getting excited. I felt my heart fluttering and my throat just… closing but still releasing an unnatural squeaking sound._
> 
> _Nat continued making her sandwich but did bring her gaze up for a brief moment. Maybe to check to make sure I wasn’t choking._
> 
> _“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be? You’re great and you need a last name, so… However, you don’t need to feel obligated to take it, you know? I mean, I’ve done some things… the Romanoff name isn’t one of great prestige like Stark or even Rogers… but I just thought that maybe-” I interrupted her speech by tackling her in a bear hug._
> 
> _“Of course I want your name! It’s so badass! I feel honoured you’re giving me this chance! I mean, when I started I thought you hated me and now… you give me this? I mean, I thought you were joking because I never thought you’d even like me and now I get to be the legal sister of Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow. How awesome is that?!” I practically squealed the last part while squeezing Nat’s abdomen with all I had, just trying to release the high amounts of energy and excitement I had._
> 
> _“O-ok, kiddo. That’s awesome… but you’re kind of squeezing the life out of me right now… so…” she gasped and I let her go like she burnt my skin._
> 
> _“Oh, I’m so sorry!” I apologized, totally ashamed of myself. She just stood up alongside me and smiled reassuringly._
> 
> _“No worries. However, you have a mean grip there. We could use that.” she waved at me and continued with her sandwich making, then she stopped and looked at me. I froze under her gaze. “Did you say… you thought I hated you?” she asked and I nodded nervously. Maybe she would tell me she did hate me, and that she was doing this out of pity “Oh, sweet cheeks.” she sighed “I never hated you. I just… wasn’t sure if this life was for you. I didn’t want to see you end up dead. You’re… too good for this world. I’m still doubtful about this whole S.H.I.E.L.D. training they want to give you… but I’ll be by your side the whole way, ok?”_
> 
> _“Ok” I smiled brightly at her and she corresponded._

“Uh? Oh, nothing.” Nat’s answer is vague and I notice she is focusing on someone, probably far from us. I turn around and as I’m about to ask her who she was gawking at when I see a redhead right in front of me. In my personal space.

“Can I help you?” I ask annoyed and harshly. I hate when people don’t respect boundaries. I feel Nat focus on me and the new redhead.

“Miss Romanoff, I have some questions for you.” the woman answers dauntingly while raising her chin… it gives me the impression as if she was daring me to retort to her. I don’t like this woman one bit. However, she seems familiar. I know I’ve seen her somewhere before.

“And who exactly, do you think you are?” I ask raising my chin like she did a second ago. I lean on the bar a little and do a little display of confidence with a cold smile. Nat shifts a little, and I can see from the corner of my eye, she has her arms crossed in front of her and is staring at the ginger with a certain amusement in her eyes. She knows I can’t stand this type of person, and she’s mostly sure I will give this one a lesson. I hope she’s right, of course.

“I’m Lois Lane,”she started answering while straightening her back proudly “reporter for the Daily Planet, Pulitzer-” A-ha! So a periodist. That explains her hand in her pocket and the poorly hidden recorder in her coat.  _Why is she wearing a coat inside anyway? It looks awful and it certainly isn’t doing her any favors in hiding the huge recorder._

“The press then.” I cut her off before she could continue listing her achievements and such. I don’t need to go on an ego trip of hers, thank you very much. “I’m sorry, Miss Lane but I don’t remember inviting any press. Much less, the press from another state. I mean, why would I want a periodist from Kansas in my party? Wait, or was it Illinois? I can’t really remember… but I do know you’re far away from home.” I answer with a little laugh that Nat continued.

“I’m a nationally acclaimed writer, Miss Romanoff. You wouldn’t want me to write a bad article about you, now would you?” Miss Lane retorts in a smug way.  _Oh, that little… She thinks she’s won? By threatening me? How cute… and unbelievably annoying._

“Is that a threat, Miss Lane?” I question with an ironic smile. I see her smile falter a little, but she raises her chin yet again.

“No, no threats. I’m just saying you wouldn’t want an article written by me that puts you in a really bad light… you and all your family, the Avengers.” her nose scrunches up when saying the last part. Nat immediately stiffens by my side and I know she will try and stop me from killing this bitch. I, on the other hand, push myself off the bar and stare down at the woman. I thank Nat, mentally, for the high heels. I impose over this woman with the extra height. She backs away one step, but my eyes never leave hers. My smile now is cold and cynical, I can feel it.

Oh, how I want to take her fragile, dainty neck… and snap it. Ooh, I can almost hear the crack of her column, the bones getting out place… a beautiful symphony, no doubt. But I have to control myself. My whole life circles around control these days. I can control my wish to kill this rat.

However, I can’t, nor do I want to control my thirst of revenge. Hell no. I will destroy this woman, and she won’t even-

Nat squeezes my shoulder and I almost growl. I know what that means.  _“She’s not worthy, Y/N. Leave her. You know she can’t do anything against us.”_

I can almost hear her calm voice telling me to calm down, reach a zen state or some crap. I don’t want that. I want to snap this woman’s neck. I want to make her suffer. I want to make her beg on her knees for forgiveness.

I know I can’t have that, and it pisses me off.

Nonetheless, I still can make her rethink how she talks to me and who she threatens.

I shake Nat’s hand off my shoulder and giver her a slight nod, making her notice that I understand what she means. I won’t be too hard.  _ **Maybe.**_

_If I won’t be able to kill her, I should call security to come and get her._

I discreetly take my cellphone out of the dress special pocket and put it behind me. I write a quick text to the head of security, requesting someone to come to my location ASAP. As soon as that’s done, I get my phone back into my pocket and start getting closer to the ginger. She didn’t even notice what I did because of her little demonstration of power, she doesn’t tear her gaze from mine for even a second. So proud and arrogant.

“Miss Lane, right?” Her name is like vile in my tongue. I spit it like it repulses me, which it does. “I really don’t want any trouble tonight and honestly, I just want to get out of here… however you can’t honestly believe that after you threatened not only me but also my family, that you’re going to go without consequence, now do you?” I ask with a cold smile, getting closer to her until I am in her personal space. She’s uncomfortable, and I can see the fear in her eyes. Oh, that’s so sweet… she’s terrified. My smile widens, and her fear rises. I sense she’s about to take a step back, but I grasp her elbow firmly “I don’t take threats to my family kindly, Miss Lane. You see, they are my whole world… and when someone’s a threat to it, then I take it upon myself to see that such an… inconvenience is solved.” I whisper near her ear while pickpocketing her coat for the recorder. I feel her shiver. I let her go once I got the recorder in my hand. She takes a step back immediately and stares at me in shock for a few seconds. My smile becomes softer now that people can see me and Miss Lane tries to regain her composure. She straightens her back and is about to raise her chin when I see two security men behind her. “Oh, and Miss Lane…” I start before she can “This is a private party you weren’t invited to. I suggest next time you want to pull this trick off, you shouldn’t annoy the host.” I say smugly and nod at the men behind her. They immediately take her arms and start dragging her out.

“This is a violation of my rights! Excuse you, **monkeys,**  but you can’t do this! Clark! Clark, come and help me! Goddammit!” she struggles uselessly against the security guards. She screams and kicks like a child in a tantrum.

“I really can’t say I’m surprised” I hear Nat’s amused voice beside me. I know she’s referring to the ‘honourable’ Miss Lane’s behaviour, and I can’t help but snort.

“Neither can I.” I reply while handing her the recorder. She hums as she takes it from me.

“Maybe they should check her for any more recorders. God knows the press will have a feast with whatever you whispered to her.” Nat murmurs a little more to herself than anything. I know she will send a message to get Miss Lane thoroughly examined.

“They should retain her for interrogation too, y’know? She got here uninvited and that’s quite a feat, even if it sickens me to recognize it. We should know what part of our systems has been compromised and if any information has been leaked.” I add almost as an afterthought.

“I’m on it” is her only response before getting engrossed on her phone.

Meanwhile, I keep looking at the show Miss Lane is giving. A lot of people are now staring at her. The vast majority seem to be both annoyed and surprised (I suppose it may have something to do with all the swearing she’s doing). She keeps calling for some ‘Clark’ to come and help her.

Not three seconds after she screeches “Clark Joseph Kent, I swear to God if you don’t come right now I will tell everyone who…!!!” there’s a man beside her. Obviously, I’m very amused by this turn of events. I turn to Nat to tell her how oddly funny this shit party is being, but stop when I notice she’s frozen on her spot. She’s no longer focused on her phone nor whatever she was doing with it. Now she seems so tense I think she’ll get hurt.

I’m at her side immediately.

“Nat? Natasha, are you okay? What’s wrong?” I ask in a rush while holding her close to me. She lifts her head to look at me, then she stares at some point behind, just to return to me afterwards and gulp audibly. “Nat?” I ask again, worried as hell.  _What the hell is going on? Nat’s never nervous. She’s always cool and in control and… something must be terribly wrong._

“I’m fine, Y/N. Don’t…” she starts trying to reassure me while she straightens again.

“Bullshit.” I interrupt her “Don’t try to fool me, Natasha. I know you well enough to know that something just ain’t right here. You’re going to tell me what it is, and we’re going to solve it, together.”

“I…I don’t…” she tries again but I glare daggers at her. She can’t exclude me from this. Oh, no. This is pretty fucking bad and I sure as hell won’t let her go through it alone. She has me. I’m here to protect my family and that’s what I’m going to do!

“Fine…” she sighs in defeat “just… just follow my lead, okay? No time to explain now.” she doesn’t give me a second to process her words before she starts walking towards the door. Towards the whole ordeal where Miss Lane keeps screeching like a banshee.

I wince a little bit when we arrive at the doors where the security team is struggling to get Miss Lane out while a tall, dark haired man is probably trying to calm the annoying reporter.

“Kent! DO SOMETHING OR SO HELP ME GOD…!” her screams are getting higher pitched.

“Lois” the Kent guy finally says firmly “Let me handle this, please” his voice carries the unmistakable irritation and resignation of someone who most likely has been solving this woman’s problems for a long time.

“It’s the Romanoff girl! She’s trying to personally wrong me! She had the audacity of threatening me! ME!” Her cries remind me of a bratty 3 year old, and I can’t help but scoff and roll my eyes. What a nightmare it must be to be in her presence daily.

“Lois.” The tall man demands louder and firmer. That shuts her up, thank God. He sighs, and I can see how he deflates a little.

_He’s tired… probably of her. Anyone would be tired of Miss Lane in a couple of minutes. Poor guy… having to clean up after her, every single time she wants to do something stupid. It must be awful._

The dark haired man finally turns around and I’m able to see his face… but he doesn’t see me. He focuses on Nat, and it’s really easy to know why… her bright red hair is almost like a neon sign in these lights, not to mention the little black dress she’s wearing that’s like a big shining billboard with “See me” written on it.

I really don’t mind, because it gives me time to analyze his face and features. His eyes are the first thing I notice. They are a clear blue… it reminds of the sky and the ocean.

> _~It’s beautiful from up here, Clark…_
> 
> _~Not as beautiful as the sight I get everyday…_

I blink repeatedly, because I could swear I heard someone with my own voice. I look around me, trying to identify who just talked, but there’s very few people near the entrance, and most of them are just in their phones like zombies.  

“Miss Romanoff, right?” he asks but continues before any of us could answer “Look, I’m deeply sorry for whatever my… co-worker did to inconvenient your party or offend you. She’s just very passionate about her work and…”

“Not that one! The other one!” fumes Miss Lane, still struggling with the security guard who’s trying not to hurt her… but I can see he’s getting frustrated. “Kent” turns around and stares confused at her.

“That would be me” I quip in, taking a step forward and standing between Nath and him. He immediately turns around to face me and I can see his whole face become stunned, to the point where I get a little afraid that his eyes will eventually bulge out of their sockets.

His mouth opens and he starts babbling, all while his face becomes sickly pale. I can almost distinguish some droplets of sweat starting to form in his forehead and neck.

_Why is he so stunned?_

“Well, Mr. Kent” I speak condescendingly, ignoring his stunned stare “Problem is that a simple apology won’t do this time, since I clearly remember we didn’t invite any press and you… well, even if small, are the press. Therefore, this is invasion of private property, and you can be sued and incarcerated.”

“I-I… uh, I…” he swallows and closes his eyes, as if avoiding to see me. “I-I think… s-someone could’ve inc-included us in the-the list… we asked fo-for permission o-on the pho-phone” he stutters, standing still with his eyes closed.

“Maybe… except that I personally made the guest list, Mr. Kent. No one from personnel was allowed to change that list under any circumstance. However, if that’s the case, then I will have to ask you who allowed you in, since they clearly disrespected my authority and should be immediately fired.” I state while crossing my arms, rather annoyed. This guy is totally avoiding even looking at me.

_What’s his deal?_

“U-uh… I… I…” he tries again, while opening his eyes. The moment he sees me, his eyes bulge out again and he goes mute, not to mention, motionless. For a moment, I feel like Medusa.

He’s just there… like a statue.

“Ugh!” scoffs Miss Lane loudly “This is ridiculous! You’re violating the very principle of our country! Freedom of speech! The people have a right to know what type of trash you and…!”

I glare at her, daring her to continue her little hate speech.

_Just fucking try me, bitch._

She closes her mouth and turns her head, seeming offended. But when she crosses her arms over her chest, I can see how her hands are trembling. Good.

I sigh and turn to the man/statue in front of me.

“Look Mr. Kent… I don’t want to fight. Preparing this party was enough of a hassle for a lifetime, so I’ll propose you a deal. Your… co-worker will definitely have to leave the party, but you can stay, on the one condition that you won’t write a word about me or the Avengers. You can write about anything else, anything at all. The music, the food, the people invited… the fucking floor if you like, but not a single word about me… except, maybe, for the reason of the party.” I offer a bit tiredly. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. After all, I should be concentrating on making both of them confront charges for invasion of private property, or at the very least, make them leave. However, this guy… his face looks so worn down, so sad and resigned… I feel sorry for him, and I want to make things a bit easier for him; even though something tells me not to trust him, at all.

“And what if he doesn’t follow your… one condition?” Miss Lane mocks. I notice the guard has now given up.

I straighten up my back and look directly into Mr. Kent’s eyes, which are analyzing my every move.

“Well, then we would have a… very serious problem. But we don’t want that, now do we, Mr Kent?”

“I… I… n-no, we… we d-d-don’t,” he stutters in a whisper. His eyes are still wide and I notice how tense he has become in the lapse of our conversation.

He’s shocked… or on the border of shock. He’s terribly afraid of the simple sight of me.   
 _Why? I don’t remember any Clark Kent.  
Maybe he has confused me with someone else?  **Improbable** , he recognizes me. So, what did I do to frighten you so much, Mr. Kent?_

I let my eyes wander over his figure and study his face. I can’t say I’ve never seen him, because there’s this uncomfortable feeling that I  **have**  seen him before. I don’t know where, but I sure as hell will get the information.

Nodding my head, I turn around ready to go through the motions of a social meeting when suddenly I feel a tingling, almost scratchy, sensation go throughout my arm and extend to my neck. The urge to cough or vomit comes full force with the tingling. I stop altogether, almost frozen, and notice that someone touched my shoulder. Someone is still touching my shoulder. It’s not a forceful, full hand, stop touch. It’s just a finger touching the back of my right shoulder… dangerously close to my heartlines.

I turn my head to the right and glance a bit irritated at whoever dared to touch me. It’s Mr. Kent. I’m about to sigh and question his odd action, maybe something wasn’t left clear enough. But he speaks before I can.

“You… you’re real.” he says in a gasp.

I frown, and I’m about to turn completely, but my head starts to ache.

I close my eyes, trying to contain the pain. It feels like my skull is being crashed again and again. It’s almost as if something is trying to get out, to be in the front of my mind. I can figuratively feel it clawing to be known, but something even stronger is holding it back. It’s painful and strange, and the tingling/scratchy sensation accompanied with nausea hasn’t left.

So for a moment, I crash down from the combination of all this sensations mixing. I lose track of time and stop being aware of where am I.

There’s voices in my head. Screaming, laughing, singing, crying. All happening at once. Too much. I can’t understand a single thing. It’s too much, and I can’t even think straight. I just want everything to stop. Stop.

> _~Come on! You know we need a puppy, Clark.  
> _ _~Actually, we don’t  
> _ _~But, look at those eyes! How can you be so heartless?  
> _ _~You literally are the living contradiction of that  
> _ _~Huh?  
> _ _~Forget it…_

 

> _~ “… Wake you up, in the middle of the night to say ‘I’ll never walk away again!’”  
> _ _~Wow…  
> _ _~Fucking hell! Clark! Whe-when did you…?  
> _ _~You have an amazing voice, Y/N!_  
>  ~Oh, shut up

 

> _~I just don’t understand what’s happening, Kent!  
> _ _~It’s really simple. I need to earn money, so I work. I work at the Daily Planet, I am currently in my workplace, working. Logical, right?  
> _ _~Don’t be an ass. You know exactly what I mean. You spend too much time in there.  
> _ _~It’s my workplace, **honey**. I need to be here since some of us aren’t essentially rich.  
> _ _~Clark…  
> _ _~Look, I’ve gotta go._

 

> _~I’m tired of this shit, Clark! I barely see you anymore!  
> _ _~Well, it’s not my fault our… schedules aren’t functional.  
> _ _~They used to be fine! Everything was fine, until **she**  arrived!  
> _ _~ **She?!**  You want to blame it on  **Lois**?! For God’s sake, Y/N! Things were never fine! Ever since you meet Barry, things haven’t been “fine”. You made your own little idea of the world and forgot the harsh reality. We. Were. Never. Fine.  
> _ _~Then why have we stayed together, if we were never fine? If there was never something good? **Huh?!**  
> _ _~I don’t know.  
> _ _~You… don’t know._

 

> _~Baby… I don’t want to fight anymore…  
> _ _~Neither do I, Clark… it’s just… it’s like you’re not even here. I don’t know how to get your attention… I…  
> _ _~That’s what I feel everyday, love. Sometimes you’re so wrapped up by something that happened with Barry or with Bruce… and it feels like you’re not with me. It’s not like before… before…  
> _ _~Before everything got complicated. I know. I just… I don’t want to lose you… I love you, Clark. More than anything. But I… I love Bruce and Barry all the same. I’ve always known it is unfair for you three…  
> _ _~And I knew about this situation when we met, Y/N. I chose to stay. I will stay and… never walk away again… I’m never gonna leave this bed…  
> _ _~So you say “Go, it isn’t working”…  
> _ _~And I say “No, it isn’t perfect”  
> _ __**~So I stay instead… I’m never gonna leave this bed…**

“Please stop.” I whisper, cradling my head with both hands. I’m shaking and on the verge of screaming desperately.

I feel someone come to my side and hug me by the side.

“Y/N…” I manage to understand. It’s Nat. I could recognize her voice anywhere anytime. I hear her voice as if it was fading away, as if she was getting far away from my reach. However, the firm grip on my shoulder tells me she’s still there.

“Make it stop, Nat. Please. It’s too much. Too much.” I grip the hand on my shoulder with all the strength I’m capable of. I can’t let her go. I can’t let her leave me here. So many voices. So many images.

I’m about to beg anyone out there to kill me or do anything to stop the running voices in my mind.

Suddenly, it all stops.

My mind is blank. I feel completely numb.

It takes me a minute or two to return to my senses.

There’s only one thing I can think about:  _blue eyes_. Exceptionally beautiful clear blue eyes.

“Y/N!” Nat is desperately shaking me and calling for me. I focus on her and her eyes.

They are  _ **not right.**_

I shake away that thought and try to fake up a smile.   
“Sorry Nat, I just got… a terrible headache for a minute” I tried to calm her down when I saw her eyes searching in mine for the truth. I stare right back at her and let her see I’m alright now.

“Wha-what the hell was that Y/N?” she asks harshly. I see how her worry dims and the rage erupts.

“I told you, a little headache.” I smile reassuringly, even though I don’t feel like it. I feel emotionally spent and wasted. I feel tired beyond any belief and… honestly? I would kill for going to bed right now… in fact “You know? I’m just not feeling well enough to keep on partying and… such. I… uh… I really think I should go back to my room. To sleep. You know?” I say as casually as I can. I need to get back to my room… spread my wings and feel safe again.

She almost growls at me and I can almost read her thoughts. She thinks this was all a ruse to go back to my room.

“You stay here and enjoy. Your. Time.” she hisses and I’m awfully tempted to correct her assumption of me trying to trick her. However, I decide against it. I don’t want to worry her, and telling her I just came out of a living nightmare in my head, she would worry. No, I don’t want that. I can deal with a simple party full of petty people. After all, it’s not like incidents like this happen very often… probably the stress I put myself through resulted on this… this little episode. It won’t happen again and… nothing really came out of it. No need to worry.

I smile innocently at Natasha and nod my head sheepishly.

“Okay, but I need a drink.” I say rolling my eyes and turning around.

Someone cleares their throat loudly and I immediately remember the periodist. The tall and gorgeous guy… the one who touched me…  

“Oh, Mr. Kent… I almost forgot about you. I hope that we have a deal, otherwise I’ll have to ask you to leave my home immediately.” I say without turning around. Something inside me is crawling, trying to get me to look at him… to observe him closely. There’s something… just aching to look at his eyes. I know they are blue, I noticed that earlier…  _but are they the **right** blue?_

Ugh, what am I even saying?  _Right blue?_  How could there be a  ** _right blue_**?  **Right** for what?

_Stress, man. It does such things to the human mind._

“Miss… miss Romanoff…” he hesitates when saying my name and that surprises me, somehow… it seems like it’s a great effort for him to say it, when just a moment ago, he didn’t. “Please, I must talk to you.”

“About what, may I ask?” I reply defiantly, still refusing to turn around. I see Nat at our side, looking between us with a frown.

“Doesn’t matter. If you want to talk about something else, you’ll talk to me.” Nat says fiercely. I turn my head to the side and look at her a bit surprised. I didn’t expect her to get mad at the journalist… I was the one who did the “trick”.

_Well, Nat’s unpredictable like that._

“No. Miss Romanoff, I really need to…” he tries again, but I know he has no chance.

“I don’t care what you need, we’ve been merciful enough with you…Y/N, go away, will you? I’ll handle this for you.” Nat’s voice is venomous as she walks to Mr. Kent and escapes from my line of view.

I nod and start walking back to the center of the party.

“No! No! Miss Romanoff, please! No, no…” I hear him screaming for me, but I keep on walking. There’s no reason for me to turn around. I don’t know that man, he doesn’t know me. He just wants a story for his local newspaper, that’s all.  “Y/N!”

I freeze. The world freezes for a second.

I turn around. He’s being stopped by Nat pointing something at his stomach. Probably a gun, but he doesn’t appear frightened by it or the murdering glare Natasha is giving. No. He ignores all that and instead, he stares at me.

The way he said my name… it made something inside me move. Something deep inside. There was desperation in his voice, just like there is in his eyes right now… oh dear God,  _his eyes_.

As I observed before, his eyes are a deep blue that reminded me of the sky… but now, that specific shade of blue, that electric light blue made me yearn for something far beyond my reach and understanding. Those clear and kind eyes are… are the  **right kind of blue**.

“Miss Romanoff! What a pleasure!” someone exclaims right by my side.

I know I must turn and smile, greet the guest as politely as I can and carry on my way… but I find out it isn’t that simple. I can’t just tear my eyes away from those eyes and for a moment I understand what I yearn for, what those eyes make me yearn for… home.

_**Home.** _

_No. I am in my home._  I remind myself while shaking my head. I glance up again and the yearning feeling is gone. His eyes… they keep focused on me, but they seem different now. For some reason, I can’t see them as gorgeous and  _“right”_ in some way… now, his eyes bring me an unusual sensation: hurt.

It’s extremely strange, but I can’t help but feel how a wave of despise comes through me.

I turn around disdainfully ignoring how Mr. Kent’s eyes seem to water, and he cries out my name again.

Something deep inside me was trying to pull me towards him earlier. Now I feel the same push, but in the exact opposite direction.

“What a pleasure to see you here, Mister!” I reply with a fake smile to the blonde man that tried to talk to me earlier. His smile widens, and he embraces me excitedly.

I must control my urge to pull from his tight embrace and punch him for all it’s worth. I hate people touching me… and now he’s getting way too personal, trying to touch my back.

I shudder when I feel his fingers near my shoulder blades and I act quickly by disentangling myself entirely from him.

“Well, I mustn’t keep you from the great party, dear… uh… Mister. It was great meeting you… or seeing you, but I have so many people to attend to! It’s crazy!” I give a short fake laugh and start to turn around, making my way through the crowd “Have a great night!” I say and before he knows what happened, I’m out of there.

I keep on making my way through, praying that no one will notice me. However, I was never a great believer of a higher entity hearing to petty prayers and it was too much to ask for no one to notice me with the deep red dress I had on. So, I had to greet a couple of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents (which I didn’t mind, for the most part), some self-proclaimed philanthropist, some models and one or two recognizable scientists…

_Quite the lot Tony has brought._

I was just a few meters away from the nearest bar and I almost celebrated my victory when I heard it…

“Oh! Aren’t you Miss Y/N Romanoff?” someone behind me exclaimed with faked enthusiasm.

_So close…_

I close my eyes while breathing in deeply.

_Dear Lord above, how have I offended you so that I must endure this torture?_

I smile and turn around ready to greet some vaguely familiar face, shake some hands, fake two or three laughs and create an excuse to get the hell out of the conversation before it gets deep… or rather, it gets a lot more shallow than it used to be.

However, that’s not what happens.

“That would be me” I give the couple in front of me a confused smile “And who are  **you**?”

“Oh, dear! You’re so funny! Don’t tell me you don’t remember us?” the dark skinned woman asks in a high pitch while laughing what I recognize is the fakest laugh I’ve ever heard. The man beside her is looking directly to the floor, as if ashamed. I smile politely as I observe that they are somewhat attracting attention.

Not good. They must keep it down or else I’ll never get out of here if everyone wants to start up a chat with me.

“Not in the slightest” I reply and I observe them again, trying to identify where have I seen them before… If I had seen them before, that is.

“Ooh, you’re the worst!” the woman laughed again, but I caught a certain venom to her voice.

I’m not alarmed by it. People have been making double entendres and trying to throw some indirect insults at me all night, but I simply ignored it. This wasn’t the exception.

“I’m truly sorry” I smile politely “However, I would be very grateful if you were… kind enough to remind me of your names.” I try to control the urge of crossing my arms because that would be a very obvious sign of dislike. I, of course, can’t show the deep dislike I feel for the woman since I was prohibited to be disrespectful to the guests…

_Why does everyone treat me like a dumb child?_

“I accept your apology.” her smile is smug as hell, and I really want to clarify how I wasn’t really apologizing, I was just being fucking polite. However, I refrain myself. I’m just too tired to deal with another Lois Lane. “Either way, my name is Iris. Iris West. Sure you know who I am… and this is Barry Allen, my boyfriend.” she signals to her companion and I turn my attention back to him.

‘Barry’ is still not looking at me. He seems extremely uncomfortable with this whole situation, actually. I can totally picture him being reluctant to even get dressed for this party…

> _~Oh, come on Barr! I know you don’t like this kind of events, but this one is really important!  
> _ _~I really don’t wanna go… we could just stay here and cuddle. I’ll even make chocolate, and we’ll watch your favorite movie.  
> _ _~Barry! This is already difficult for me… don’t make it any worse.  
> _ _~But Y/N…!  
> _ _~I’ll call Bruce.  
> _ _~Go ahead… but you’ll miss out on an evening full of Allen cuddles!  
> _ _~But this is a very important party… and I want to be there with you!  
> _ _~You want to show me off like a trophy? Shame on you, Y/N!_

Oh. There it is again. Someone talking with my voice. Weird. Also, the conversation is so out of context… why would someone argue over attending to a party they are already in?   
Not my problem. Not what I should focus on.

_What was I doing again?_

I look to the couple in front of me.

_That. Right._

Iris West and Barry Allen? Never heard of them. Now, there’s a problem. I don’t have a great memory, obviously… but I’m usually able to recognize important names, or familiar names. I don’t recognize the name West nor Allen.  

My head starts to ache a little and I faintly hear some echo, but I’m absolutely sure that echo is just coming from my mind… mostly because the music is so loud there’s really no room for echo. So I’m just going crazy. Great.

“… and anyway, enough about us.” Miss West says accompanied by a fake smile. Was she talking? I didn’t hear a single word. “I would like to congratulate you for the show you gave… it was really… well executed.” Her nose did a little twitch and her face distorted into disgust for a microsecond, but with my improved eyes it was easier to catch. “However, I must point out it was really… mundane. I almost felt like I was on a strip club, don’t you think Barr?” She stands up straighter as if defying me; meanwhile, ‘Barry’ moves a little more uncomfortably than before. He tries to distance himself from his companion, but she doesn’t allow it.

_Interesting. He’s not okay with what she’s saying. Then, why doesn’t he say anything?_

I sigh and stare at the roof. I can feel the rage starting to stew from her comments, but really… I’m just too tired.

_One more chance. She has just one more chance._

“Well, I think you expect me to say I’m sorry you didn’t like my presentation… but frankly, I don’t care. I don’t do things to please others, so if you didn’t like it, it doesn’t affect me in the least” I shrug my shoulders and smile. “Anyway, I should get going…”

“Oh dear, don’t go so soon!” she stops me immediately and I can see the rage in her eyes. She’s mad because I didn’t react to her little provocations.

_How petty._

I shake my head and sigh.

_Why would this woman want to start a conversation with me if the dislike is so clear… and now, mutual? It’s illogical._

“Anything else you’d like to add, Miss West?” I ask annoyed. She laughs again. It’s getting on my nerves. I almost want to bare my teeth and show her how much of a threat I really am. Make her afraid of me. However, there’s too many people watching our conversation for me to simply act savagely.

“Don’t take it too personal, dear! I just didn’t like it,” she smiles smugly and I have to pinch the bridge of my nose to stop myself from growling.

“You’ve made that clear enough. Anything else?” I keep my eyes shut tight. Maybe she will disappear if I concentrate enough.

“Well, tell me a little about you. Where did you say you were for the last years, again?” her polite questions comes out with a hint of humour.

I open my eyes and stare at her.

_What does she know? Is she implying…? How could she know I was always here, in New York? She can’t._

“I was at-”I pause when I notice the exaggerated movements she’s doing with her left hand. They seem to be a casual movement to get the hair out of her face… but they seem to forced, and there’s no hair on her face, so what is she…?

_Oh._

I fake a smile and start saying. “Oh, silly me! I hadn’t noticed your engagement ring. Congratulations.”

Her shoulders sag a little and her silly movements stop. She seems pleased. That’s what she wanted all along? For me to notice her engagement ring?

“Thank you! Isn’t it so pretty?” she almost squeals in excitement, while disentangling herself from her companion and getting closer to me. Her hand is almost in my face and I have to take a step back. I take her hand delicately and examine the ring.

It is indeed a beautiful ring, with one silver brand adorned with little stones that make the one in the center shine even brighter, not to mention the lovely leafs like decorations that are barely visible. Elegant yet not too simple. Whoever chose, or rather made, this ring has an excellent taste.

For an unknown reason to me, the sight of it on her finger makes me… sad.

“It is a lovely ring” I confirm with a sincere smile.

“I know right? Barry chose it a long time ago…”she said softly, almost as if she didn’t wanted me to hear.

“So you’ve been together for long?” I ask, taking a step back and putting more distance between us.

“A year and a half” she answers coldly.

This new information makes me… feel odd. Almost… sad.

_How strange._

“Congrats then” I smile again. I nod my head and turn to the bar, ready to go. However, someone holds my arm.

“What’s the rush?” Iris asks harshly while trying to get me to turn again.

 _Oh that’s it._  I growl and start turning to punch her in the throat when a gentler hand takes Iris’s away from my arm.

“That’s enough, Iris” a masculine voice intervenes.

I turn around, surprised by the interruption and see Miss West’s companion holding her hand while looking down at her with boiling rage.

I take a step back and analyze his features for the first time in the night. He is quite handsome, I must admit. His eyes are green, and while his expression is grim and furious right now, his face is kinda cute. The ‘I wanna hug you, cuddle you and kiss you all day and night’ kind of cute.

My first instinct is that I’ve never seen this man before. I surely would remember such a cute handsome face… I tend to remember that kind of things above silly things like names.

So I look around me and find that Wanda is the only one that seems to be rather free…she is talking with Vision, so no one has to get nosy if I send her a text.

Discreetly enough I manage to send Wanda a quick text: “Were any Wests or Allens on the list?”

I see Wanda pause her chat with Vision and look at her phone. Once she reads my message, I see her frown and text something back. I feel my phone vibrate and read one single word that makes me smile maliciously. I send another text to the security guards to come to my position. Once they confirm they are on their way, I turn to face the “happy” couple again. They are still discussing in hushed tones. Mr. Allen seems angry beyond belief, green eyes hard and simmering with rage, while Miss West seems on the verge of crying.

I notice something… interesting while I watch them fight in hushed tones. Mr. Allen doesn’t seem to have a heartline, but he seems completely normal, he’s energy is great in fact; unlike some people I’ve studied who were born without heartlines. Poor souls had the strangest energy I’ve ever sensed, but he doesn’t… that leads me to believe he does have a heartline. It must be covered then.

_A cover tattoo? They are usually for those that have lost their soulmates or are simply trying to forget them. Marrying your heartline wouldn’t need a cover tattoo. Ergo: she’s not his soulmate._

I try to gain their attention by clearing my throat loud enough. They both turn to me at the same time, and I can see both of their expressions changing. Miss West’s face contorts in boiling anger while Mr. Allen’s visibly relaxes and even smiles softly at me.

His smile almost makes me regret what I’m about to do. **Almost.**

“Well, I can’t say it was pleasure meeting you both” I see two security guards are just behind them “However, I do know that I admire you both for not only being in long term relationship with other people who are not your soulmates, but for also breaking into a private party. Have a great night in prison.” I smile coldly and gesture for the guards to take them both. Their reactions are very different from the previous arrest of this night. They both follow the guards without making much fuss; however, they do keep their stares on me. Miss West’s stare is, as expected, furious and indignant. Mr. Allen, however, stares at me with wide puppy dog eyes, almost as if begging for forgiveness.

_Weird._

I turn around again, ready to finally get to the bar and drink enough liquor to forget the night. So much trouble just for a simple hacking mission. I’m sure Nat would’ve been able to hack Lex Luthor’s entire system if given time. Me? I’m just good with the fighting thing. Programmation and advanced technology? Not really. Sometimes I feel like I’m the dunce of the team. All muscle, no brain. Although, that’s a very debatable thing… since I’m capable of doing anything given the right incentive (meaning, The Avengers being in danger).

Anyways, I’d just wish the night would end already. Too much hassle, too much interaction… my “social” battery is at 10%, at best.

“Oh, the suffering…” I murmur quietly as I plop down one of the bar stools.   
“What can I serve you, sweetheart?” the barman asks with a flirty smile while leaning on me. I notice the black shirt and his tall frame, but I’m not interested in more so I just smile back politely.

“Double scotch, neat.” I say loud enough for him to hear me over the music that seems to be getting louder by the minute. He nods and starts preparing the drink, without needing for me to tell him what brand. Tony just has his favorite brand and after a while, it became mine as well.

He places the drink gingerly in front of me. I thank him with a smile and take the glass. I sip it and hum contentedly once I swallow. It feels warm in my throat and belly. However, the taste in my mouth is a bit bitter. I hunch a little over the table and stare at my drink pensively.

_Maybe I should’ve ordered a Manhattan? Nah. Scotch neat is always better, even more so if it is an expensive one._

I sip again and close my eyes in satisfaction.

_Yep, definitely good._

I sigh and let myself slump a little more over the seat. Suddenly I notice the barman is still staring at me with a sweet smile. Sighing, I put my scotch down and look at him. He’s a guy on his mid-twenties, brown hair, brown eyes and a bit of scruff. He’s lean and an average handsome. There’s nothing that repels me from him, but nothing to attract me either. A simple John.

I’m about to tell the barman I have a boyfriend or something so he can stop staring at me, but someone sits right beside me before I can even think of a good line.   
“Rough night, huh?” someone comments beside me. I turn and I see a black haired man with deep blue eyes. I can’t really see much more because of the lights, but the shadows and neon lighting do give me a hint to him being handsome. Maybe in his early thirties. My right arm tingles again, but I ignore it. Weird day.

“You really can’t imagine.” I smile a plastic smile and give my scotch a larger gulp. This stranger wants a conversation, and I feel like I must oblige. He seems nice enough.

_Just this one, and I’m leaving. I don’t care if Nat wants to skin me alive after, I can’t stand it._

“I’ll have a Manhattan.” the man tells the bartender. I see plain John nod and prepare the man’s drink a bit grumpily.

Once finished, he leaves the drink in front of the man and takes a leave to serve another guest.

_Well, at least I don’t have to reject him now._

“Hmm, this is a good whiskey. It’s really rare that someone serves it at an open bar party.” the man beside comments casually while sipping his glass.

I smile but don’t turn to face him, instead I keep my stare in my scotch.

“Yeah, that’s Tony Stark for you. ‘Go big, or go home’ is his life motto.” I say with no small amount of sadness.

_Tony. My Tony._

I close my eyes as the lump in my throat gets worse and my chest feels like being squeezed.

_No, not mine. Never mine. Forget it, Y/N. He’s happy now. That’s all you’ve ever wanted, your family happy._

“Sounds like you know him very well.” The man beside me says, still with a casual tone. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that he’s not turned to me either. He’s not looking at me, he just stares at the crowd.

Something inside me tells me I should be offended, but really, I’m doing the same thing to him. There’s no reason to get mad. We’re just two strangers chatting a little and passing the time.

_He doesn’t want anything from me._

The thought makes me smile.

“I do.” I answer simply and the stranger doesn’t push for more.

A light conversation starts from there, and we never turn to face each other. We just talk like old friends catching up, with the single difference that not once is a name mentioned. I tell him about my makeshift family, how even when being lost in the universe, they received me with open arms, and how in debt I am to them. He, in turn, tells me about his own family: three adopted sons and one blood related. He tells me how proud he is of each of them and their recents achievements. I don’t know if it’s the way he tells it or the alcohol making my brain a bit fuzzy, but I actually feel pride for those children… or young adults, rather.

“I actually understand your need to protect your family. I would do anything for them too.” He says casually… a little too casually.

_He’s hiding something. Just get the fuck away from this man._

No, I don’t really want to get away, even if something inside me is screeching for me to do so. However, that feeling has appeared two times this night and I’m starting to think it’s just a warning of someone nasty; but this man seems nice. Hell, he’s the first completely polite man I’ve talked to at the party… even more, this is the nicest conversation I’ve ever had outside my family.

“I don’t think you do.” I chuckle a bit humorlessly while grabbing my cup again. “When I say I would do anything for my family and their safety, I mean it.” I sip my cup and turn my head slightly “Right or wrong? Good or bad? Fairytales. Norms created so society lives in peace, the Leviathan of Hobbes. ‘Man is a wolf to man’ after all.”

“So you believe mankind is evil by nature?” he asks in a harsh tone and I smile.

“I don’t think good or bad are even real. Ethics changes between situations. In ancient tribes, the norm was to eat the corpse of your parents and that was considered beautiful. Now, we see that as an awful act of a deranged mind. It’s all a matter of… perspective.” I say while swaying my cup slightly, letting the scotch breath.

“You remind me of someone I’m not very fond of.” His face is in a grimace and I laugh quietly.

“You must think I’m just a psychopath” I say amusedly before sipping my cup and finishing the scotch. I signal barman to refill my glass.

“Or a sociopath.” He says disinterestedly, but I catch him looking at me out of the corner of his eyes. He wants to see and analyze my reaction.

_Why is he sizing me up?_

“Then I must assure you, I’m neither,” I thank the barman when he gives me the refilled glass, and I turn myself to face him completely. “I just declared that if the situation required it, I wouldn’t care about society norms to ensure my family’s safety.”

“Not many people would declare that as proudly as you are” his voice carries a tone of reproval, and I can’t help but giggle lightly at the judgement in his eyes, that are still trying to avoid me.

“And you are one of them, I suppose.” I say with a smile before returning to my original position, staring at the mirror in the back of the bar that gives me a nice view of what’s happening on the floor “Nice tattoo by the way, seems like a genuine heartline” My tone is condescendent as I sip a little scotch from my glass. However, I relish in the sudden stiffness from the man at my right, and I truly enjoy the look of pure shock he gives me.

_Wish we had a softer lighting for this party instead of this teenager disco style. I would’ve enjoyed it a lot more that way, but the reflection in the mirror is enough, I guess._

“Ho-how…?” he stuttered and I felt him turn to face me with a little confused frown on his face.

I smile triumphantly because that’s what I wanted, but I keep my gaze straight forward.

“How did you know it was a tattoo?” he asks after clearing his throat. “No one has ever noticed before.”

“I’m kind of an expert with heartlines, you know?” I chuckle while showing him my right arm. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see that his expression is now stunned. However, I frown a little when I repeat his earlier sentence in my mind “No one’s noticed? Not even your soulmate?” I ask frowning a little.

“She’s dead” his voice is shaky, and I can’t help my confused smile as I turn to face him. I see his eyes widen and him starting to back away, but before he can escape I act on instinct and grab his left wrist carefully. He’s frozen in place and is staring at me.

This kinda feels like deja-vu.

“Then I guess dead people can still feel because I could swear this little patch here is a royal blue, don’t you think?” I smile softly while pointing the little bit of heartline that’s not pitch black, like the tattoo he used to cover it.

His gaze goes to his left arm, which I’m holding and stares at the patch I’m pointing, then turns to me. He repeats this a couple of times and I can’t help but smile softly.

_How must it feel, knowing your loved one is still out there, after believing them gone? Surely, it isn’t something easy to digest._

His eyes are now focused on me. He’s studying me, and I can see something in his eyes light up. I can’t help but widen my smile. He finally got it.

_He looks so… handsome._

I’m surprised by the wild thought, but I dismiss it. He is a very handsome man… and he seems somewhat familiar. I shake my head and release his hand from my grip. I’ve already said what I wanted and for some reason, give this man hope makes me feel better, lighter.

However, when I move my hand back to the table, he immediately takes it back. I turn to face him, surprised by his bold action.

It’s been a long time since a stranger has touched me. Everyone in the tower or in S.H.I.E.L.D. is somewhat afraid of me and, if physical contact is needed, I’m always the one to initiate it…

“Y/N…” he murmurs shakily and I smile softly. I like this guy for some reason.

“You know my name?” I ask a little surprised, then I remember my earlier show and nod in understanding, “the show, of course. Well, anyway it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Y/N Romanoff, and you are?” I ask while getting closer to him, trying not to miss anything he says.

“Bruce. Bruce Wayne” he says firmly while staring deep into my eyes. It feels like he’s studying my reaction. I should know his name then.

_Wayne? It sounds… familiar. I’ve heard it before. But where?_

He keeps studying me, waiting for a reaction, so I try harder to remember.

_Wayne, Wayne… Wayne Enterprises! Yeah, I know him, alright. Playboy, billionaire, and philanthropist of Gotham City. Ugh, I hate Gotham._

“Wayne, as in Wayne Enterprises in Gotham?” I ask disinterested, even if I already know the answer.

I turn back to my scotch and free my right hand from his. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his face contort in disappointment, but suddenly I don’t care. I feel my arm tingling in that sort of annoying way that has been haunting me all night long, and it just makes me angrier.

“Ye-Yes, Wayne Enterprises. That’s the only way you should know me.” His tone is bitter and melancholic. It makes my heart squeeze a little, but I ignore it. I’m good at that.

“Well, it’s been lovely Mr. Wayne but…” I start saying but a sudden movement on my right has me stopping and turning on instinct.

Turns out, there wasn’t any kind of danger. It’s just a woman who came at the speed of light to hug dear Mr. Wayne.

She’s beautiful. I notice that immediately and it makes me feel… something. Something similar to what Miss Lane and Miss West had ignited in me this night.

_I’m so done with this._

I stand up, ready to leave this stupid party once and for all, when the woman notices me. She stops to hug Mr. Wayne and stares at me.

I see recognition in her eyes, and I can’t help but roll mine. I’m starting to regret doing that show earlier. Now everyone is going to know me and recognize me because of it.

“You… you are…” she stutters, wide eyed and a bit frightened.

What’s gotten into strangers today? I don’t look like the killing machine I am. I’m actually very adorable.

“Y/N Romanoff, yes, yes. And you are?” I cut her off annoyed while crossing my arms in front of my chest. I want to end all these little pleasantries and such, so I can get the fuck out of here.

“I-I’m Seline Kyle. Assistant of Lucius Fox,” she says politely while stretching her left hand to me. I notice her heartline is dull… she hasn’t met her soulmate.

I take her hand and shake it for a second, before taking back my hand. I do not like this woman, even if she seems a lot nicer than every other stranger woman I’ve had to talk to today.

“Pleasure. Anyway, enjoy of the party, both of you. I’m going.” I say tiredly, not bothering to look at Mr. Wayne anymore. It’s surprising how by just giving me his name, my dislike for him went from 0 to 100.

However, for the third time tonight, someone stops me.

_I’m getting really tired of this._

“What?!” I bark while turning around to face whoever is stopping me. It turns out it is Seline. “Miss Kyle, I’m asking this in the best way I can at this moment. Let. Me. Go.” I start out politely while forcing myself to breathe. I need to punch something so bad, and I know I’ll get in trouble if I make a scene. So I just need to go.

“Please, just wait a second.” She smiles a bit apologetically, and I have to remind myself how much I need this mission to go right. “It seems like you were speaking with Bruce quite comfortably. I really didn’t want to interrupt. I’ve been searching for him all night and I got excited when I finally spotted his jet black hair,” she explained a bit sheepishly.

I free myself from her and count to ten while breathing slowly.

“Miss Kyle, I don’t need your explanations of any sort. It’s your boyfriend, do with him as you please. I don’t care. I was leaving anyway.” I say while closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose.

_Almost over. It’s almost over._

“B-but you must understand… he didn’t know… we were in a relationship just because… you must forgive him…” she starts babbling incoherent, half sentences now.

_Wayne and Kyle… now that doesn’t sound right. We didn’t invite anyone from Gotham, much less someone from Wayne Enterprises._

_Another break-in._

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Miss Kyle. You should head back with your boyfriend and sit down for a bit. Surely you’ll feel better then.” I say condescendingly, while turning around and scanning the crowd. There’s a few guards nearby and, thank goodness, they are watching me.

I signal them to come over, and they do so immediately. I’m about to order them to take Miss Kyle to the infirmary and then straight to our prison, but before I can even open my mouth I feel someone taking my hand gently.

I turn around, shocked, angry, and ready to strike when I see it’s Mr. Wayne.

“Y/N… can we… can we talk privately? I need to… I need to explain and…” his voice is soft, and his gaze is even softer.

If I weren’t completely convinced I don’t have a heart, I’m sure it would have melted with that.

_Wait, explain? Explain what? Why he broke in? This is insane. We’ve just met! What does he want with me?_

I pull away harshly and turn to the guards.

“Please take both Miss Kyle and Mr. Wayne to the infirmary to be checked on any injuries or illegal substances. Then, please follow the same procedure as the other two couples.” I flatly state. The guards nod and go to grab them both. Miss Kyle doesn’t put up any kind of fight, but Mr. Wayne does.

“Y/N, no. Please just listen to me,” he pleads while shaking the guards hands. “Leave me alone. I just want to talk with Miss L/N politely, for God’s sake!” he growls, annoyed.

“L/N? Who’s that?” I ask a bit curiously. I see him freeze in shock and stare at me with eyes that are almost bulging out.

_If he wants to talk with Miss L/N, then why is he talking to me? He definitely needs to be checked._

“Y/N…” he whispers a bit brokenly as he is taken away.

_Strange. I don’t recall inviting anyone with the name L/N. Hell, I don’t know anyone with that name… maybe I’ve heard it before, but just in a passing conversation or so. I can’t really remember it, so I guess it must not be really important._

I sigh and slump a little. What a night this has been. I turn around, ready to take the elevator up to my floor and just… rest. Maybe Bucky can join me, and I could convince him to brush my wings before sleep.

_Mmmm. Now **that** sounds heavenly._

I smile a little at the thought and start scanning the floor for Bucky. I know he must be here somewhere, he wouldn’t leave me here to suffer.

I move around the floor, trying to avoid any and all contact or conversation with anyone. If someone calls me, I just smile politely and hurry my pace.

How are all of them still going? What’s so fun about a party like this? It’s not like you can see anyone all that well!

Finally, after what seems to be an eternity, I catch a glimpse of Bucky’s metal arm. He’s on the second bar, the one closer to the stage, and seems like he’s searching for someone.

_I hope he’s searching for me._

I easily sneak up on him and whisper near his ear “Lost someone, soldier?”

He immediately turns around and beams at me. I can’t help but correspond his bright smile with an equally bright one.

“I had. A cute little doll with a red, killer dress. You seen her?” he says while wrapping his arms around my waist. I put my hands on his shoulder and look down at him.

“Cute, you say? Nah. I know someone with a dress like that, but she’s not cute.” I toy a little with him, and he chuckles lightly.

“Not cute, hmm? Well, she’s sexy, smart, beautiful, and really lovely too,” he says while playing a little with my hair. I laugh heartily.

“Flattery will get you everywhere with me, James.” I move to sit on the booth next to him, and I see him pout. “What? I’m just sitting down. These heels are killing me.”

“You’re too far,” he frowns now, and I can’t help but giggle.

“Don’t go cheesy on me.” I ask the female bartender to give me the same drink Bucky was having.

“Doll, you should really go on something lighter. Maybe a margarita or something like that? You’re not built up to resist alcohol that well,” he smiles smugly, and I stare at him indignantly.

“May I remind you that since I heal faster, I can’t get drunk that easily? Or do I need to explain to you all the chemistry on my liver, again?”

He smiles and holds up his hands in surrender.

“Just don’t come crying to me in the morning that you’re hungover. I won’t help you, and I will surely say ‘I told you so’.”

My drink finally is put in front of me and just by the smell of it, I know I’m going to regret this. However, my pride is bigger and louder than my self preservation, so I take a large gulp of it.

I’m tempted to wince and scrunch up my nose, but I know Bucky is watching me and waiting for it. He won’t have that pleasure.

Without any facial expression, except for a constant death glare to Bucky, I keep drinking until the glass is empty.

“What is weakness?” I smile at him triumphantly, and he chuckles, though I can see in his eyes he’s surprised. Maybe a bit proud, too?

“Okay, you’re the alpha,” he admits jokingly, and I nod with a serious face.

“Damn straight.”

After a second, we both break up laughing. It’s a light and heartfelt laugh.

_This is why I love James ‘Bucky’ Barnes. He makes me forget all my problems, and it’s so easy to be with him. How could I not love him?_

“Anyways, doll. What did you want?” he asks softly while caressing my cheek. I lean into his touch longingly.

“Hmm? What makes you think I wanted something?” I ask dazed by his touch. He smiles, the boyish smile that makes me weak in the knees. I almost want to sigh like a lovesick fool.

“Before you got drunk, you had that smile.” He simply states while brushing my hair out of my face and placing it behind my ear.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I’m not drunk,” I giggled softly while closing my eyes to just relish in his touch.

“Sure you aren’t, doll. Now, tell me. What is it that you wanted?” he says softly while leaning closer to me. I can smell his cologne, the one I got for him last Christmas.

“Mmm… I wanted… I want to go back to my floor… with you, and cuddle with you and… let you brush my wings.” I murmur softly and a bit paused, because my brain is still trying to process what’s happening.

“Will you sing for me, doll? Will you sing while I brush your lovely wings?” he asks softly while brushing his nose with mine. I smile, but I still don’t open my eyes.

“Yes, yes James. I’ll sing the whole night if you want me to. I’ll sing whatever you want me to…”

I want to kiss him. So, so bad. I know I shouldn’t. He’s just a friend. We’re not matched, we’re not each other heartlines. We shouldn’t be together as anything more. The non-heartline relationships are usually frowned upon if one or both already have lightened up heartlines. I don’t want Bucky to experience anymore rejection than he already has. It would kill me.

 _But he is so close_.

“I hope the two of you don’t pretend to take this further,” the moment is broken by Nat’s voice.

I open my eyes and distance myself from Bucky, even though it feels painful to do so.

“We were just talking about a sleepover. No need to get your panties in a twist” I roll my eyes at Nat.

“Great. Can I join?” she asks inquisitively while crossing her arms.

I shrug my shoulders and answer with a careless “Sure”. At the same time; however, Bucky says in a deep, firm, voice “No”.

Nat stares at both of us and lifts a perfect eyebrow.

“Why can’t I join, Buck? I haven’t seen Y/N in over a month, I should have some girl time with her, don’t you think?” she asks defiantly.

“We’ve been stressing over this damned mission for months, Natasha. We deserve a little time off.” Bucky answers fiercely. I place a my hand on his and try to calm him down.

“Guys, don’t fight over me. Nat, I’ll sleep with Buck today, I want him to brush my wings.” I explain in a hushed tone, but I know Nat hears me.

“I can do that!” she says indignantly.

“Please, you do it all wrong. Everytime you brush them, I have to spend an extra hour trying to get them the way she likes them.” he mocks, and I blush when Nat turns to look at me.

“You never take care of the small feathers.” I admit ashamed, not daring to look at my redheaded friend.

“Okay” she sighs defeated “You can have her for today… and you can’t leave until midnight,” she warns us and turns away. I’m about to whine and try to convince her otherwise because last time I checked, it was only 10:30.

However, Buck stops me from going after her and drags me back to the bar.

“An hour and a half! What does she need me here for, anyways?” I whine while slumping on the bar. I hear Bucky chuckle at my side and I turn to glare at him.

“Cheer up a bit, doll. We can use the hour and a half to get drunk and blame whatever stupid thing we do on the alcohol.” He winks at me and smiles mischievously.

“Great, let’s forget about this night.” I agree and ask the bartender to prepare us two drinks as the ones we were consuming before Nat arrived. “What are these called, anyway?” I ask as I take my glass and stare at the weird combination. It seems pink, so I really don’t know what’s in there. But then again, the lights may be playing tricks on me.

“Sazerac, I think,” he answers before taking his glass and bumping it softly into mine. “To our friendship and the stupid things we’ll do.”

“Cheers,” I giggle and shot down the drink in one gulp.

“The hell… slow down, sweet cheeks. We have an hour and a half to drain Stark’s liquor,” he tells me while sipping on his own drink.

“ Are you backing out, Barnes?” I ask with a smile while I signal the bartender for more. I can see his surprised look, but I ignore it.

“Don’t do this doll. You’re gonna end on the floor in a puddle of vomit, and I won’t be able to brush your wings then,” he warns me and I sigh, surrendering.

“You have to be  _so graphic_ … Fine, fine. I’ll take it slow.”

“That’s my babydoll.” he smirks while sitting down beside me. I smile and bump my glass softly to him.

“You know what, Buck? I really want to drink and forget.” I say staring at my pink drink. He wraps his right arm around me in a half-hug. So comforting.

“What do you want to forget, sweetheart?” he asks gently and I move closer to him, until my head is resting on his chest.

“Everything. I’m so weak, Bucky. How can the world be so cruel? My four right heartlines have dumped me and… and the one I thought would be the one, hates my guts.” I whisper brokenly. I feel Bucky tightening his hold on me and then I feel his lips on my forehead. “I’m sorry, I’m being emotional.” I apologize embarrassed. The alcohol must be affecting me worse than I thought it would. My normal sober self would never breathe a word of this… feelings. I feel Buck’s rough hands on my chin, pulling me softly to stare at him.

“Don’t you dare apologize, doll. You have every right to feel this way or any way you want. Don’t apologize for feeling, you know I won’t ever judge you.” he says firmly, looking straight at my eyes.

“I… I just wish he wouldn’t treat me so bad. I’m not even asking for him to come and kiss me in front of everyone. I-I just want to be his friend, be like before. Dance and fool around like before… you know I love doing silly things with you and that you’re so special to me and…” I start explaining myself, not wanting Bucky to feel like a second choice or something similar.

“Doll” he interrupts me with a smile “I understand, don’t worry. Our relationship is unique and special, and you had an equally unique and special friendship with him. It’s okay to miss it… I know it’s one of the best things in the world to get on his nerves.” he chuckles and I correspond a bit tearfully.

“Yeah. It used to be one of my favorite hobbies. Then I met you and the competence started…” I laughed remembering our little contests to annoy this special person. However I can’t help a few more tears to slip. Bucky sighs and washes away my tears tenderly.

“He’s missing it, doll. I was really lucky to met you before he lost his mind. Steve is just… old you know? Midlife crisis and all that.” he says mockingly and I can’t help but smile. “ Anyways, I got the best part of the deal, don’t you think?” He kisses my nose softly and I giggle.

“That you did.” I answer with a brilliant smile.

“There’s my girl!” he exclaims with a triumphant smile before kissing my cheek.

Being with Bucky is one of the best parts of my day, since he makes me feel wanted and loved… much like Loki does, except with a lot less theatrics and a lot more silly giggling. We talk about everything and anything. He tells me about how boring this party has been for him, the only highlight being throwing Lex Luthor away. I laugh loudly at his tale and how he makes a poor interpretation of the wimp man. He asks about my night and I, with a sigh and slumping shoulders, tell him about the six break ins we had, how curious it was that each of them somehow targeted me, and how annoying most of them were. He assures me that next time, he will keep a close eye on the front door. I, of course, tell him it wasn’t the guards fault. They changed the guest list, and the guards were just doing their jobs. He assures me again, telling me he’s sure the guards are loyal to us and that he will tell Stark about the security problems.

“Thanks Buck… you know I would if I-I…” I try to thank him and explain myself, but he shushes me.

“Don’t sweat it, doll. I understand.” he smiles at me softly “Hey, stay here, okay? I have to go to the restroom.”

“Afraid someone will take me away?” I tease while wiggling my eyebrows playfully. His smile widens while he shakes his head.

“Nah, I’m just worried you’ll fall and break that pretty little nose of yours. Or worse, choke on your own vomit with all these people staring,” he winks at me, and I scrunch up my nose.

“What’s with you and vomit, eh? Stop worrying, I’ll be fine. After all, we only have half an hour left before we are free.” I motion him to go away and he laughs.

“I can’t wait,” he says before disappearing in the crowd.

I sigh and place one elbow on the bar to sit a bit more comfortably. I scan the crowd just to pass the time. Almost everyone is still dancing or chatting, having a good time. Even if I don’t understand how they can do that, I’m happy to see Nat, Wanda, Vision, and some other Avengers having fun. I can’t help but smile softly when I see that Vision is trying to dance with Wanda, however I know he still doesn’t understand the whole dancing concept. Neither do I, to be completely honest.

Then, as if it were a vision from the heavens, I see a white light pointing towards someone. Someone about 6 feet tall, with short blond hair, muscles that ripple, and those lovely baby blue eyes. Steven. Fucking. Rogers.

I sigh, watching him talk with a pretty brunette. He’s having a good time too.

_We used to have a good time. Before all of this, before he hated me… I almost thought he loved me, just like I loved him._

_**Yeah, right, loved. Past tense. Like Tony, right?** _

Why does it sometimes feel like there’s more than one voice in my head? I don’t like this one. This one is bitter and always gives me a reality check.

I keep glancing back at him and the brunette and see how easily they chit chat. She’s touching his hand gently and he, in turn, touches her face lightly. They smile, and they laugh.

_He’s happy Y/N. Get over it. You shouldn’t be so affected by him. How long has it been since he began to treat you like an incompetent child? It’s been more than a year!_

More than a year since he suddenly started hating me. He took the thing I most valued at the moment. My safety, my little truths that kept me alive. Everything was so simple back then.

I turn and stare at them again. They are still talking. It hurts so much. I turn back to my pink drink.

“Fuck it.” I shrug and take the glass firmly before downing it. It’s just my third or fourth of these. Not nearly enough to get me (me, the super fast healing avenger) intoxicated, or more than tipsy. I tell the bartender to prepare me the strongest cocktail she can think of.

After a minute or two of trying to ignore Steve and his… “partner” (even though they are at least 15 feet away from me), the bartender puts a glass with a purple (or blue?) tint.

“Please, take it cautiously. Three of those and the effects won’t be… pretty,” she warns me, and I smile at her.

“Thanks, sweetheart.” I nod and she smiles before turning to attend another guest.

_Three? I’ll take a dozen, please._

I roll my eyes at my own grim joke, just to gulp down the entire glass in one go.

 _Oh. Well… maybe I should’ve sipped it. **Tiny sips**._ I breathe deeply and try to regain a bit of mental capacity. _How is that drink even legal for normal humans?_

I open my eyes again and see the bartender looking at me horrified. I smile at her before gulping and regathering my thoughts.

“I’ll… have a glass of water and another of that thing.” I tell her and she looks like she’s about to scream for an ambulance. “Sweetheart, you know people in this tower aren’t exactly normal. No need to worry. I just want to taste the little brewing you did a little more calmly. I promise I won’t consume a single drop of alcohol after that” I promise, trying to coax the bartender to just do her damn job.

“Okay, but I’ll call security if you start behaving weird.” She warns before starting to prepare another drink. I know she means well, and she really doesn’t want to serve me anything more, but I can see she caught my comment of me being part of the inhabitants of the tower. She probably doesn’t want to have a bad qualification from Tony Stark. I feel bad for her but really, I just want to forget and since drugs are out of question, this is the next best thing.

The bartender finally puts two glasses in front of me and before she goes, I apologize for my rudeness. She just nods in acknowledgement.

Once she’s gone, I take the water glass and down it immediately. It feels refreshing and good. After a minute or two from just breathing and being basically in a kind of dosed up limbo, I return to the present. I look around me and notice that Bucky hasn’t come back.

_What’s taking him so long?_

I start searching for him in the crowd nearby, but fail to see anyone even remotely familiar. I grumble and sip at my drink, trying to drown my thoughts. However, my breath hitches, and I almost choke on my drink when I notice that Steve is looking at me. Right. At. My. Eyes.

I gulp and avoid death by choking, just barely, when I see that he dismisses the brunette without a second thought and starts walking in my direction.

_Oh boy. Dreams do come true, eh?_

However, just as I’m standing up to meet him (because, honestly, it’ll take him forever to reach me, and I don’t want to wait), he stops. He was looking at me like before, with that awe and slight adoration I loved. Now, he seems to realize what he’s doing… he’s getting second thoughts and regretting it.

_Oh no. **No**. I was so close to having what I’ve wanted for so long. I had his gaze on me, the lovely one._

_I had to do something… I just want to touch him **one** more time._

I take the decision in a second, I have enough alcohol in my system to give me the push I need.   
I push people without a care until I stand before him. He looks at me surprised and opens his mouth, probably to make a snide remark about me, but I don’t let him. Before he can say anything, I just… I just hug him. My arms are around his waist, and I just breathe in the scent of him. I feel him tense up, and it breaks my heart to remember there was a time where he would’ve embraced my without a second thought.

I sigh and just as I’m about to release him, apologize and go back to my room, ashamed and embarrassed, I feel his arms wrap around my smaller frame. He pulls me closer to him and squeezes me.

_He must be even drunker than I am._

We stay there, just hugging each other. It’s so peaceful, then I feel him trying to get away, and I panic for a second.

_No, it’s too soon._

However, I know I can’t really stay with him all night long, so I let him get away from me. I can’t look him in the eyes, and I just… I turn around, my cheeks burning up. He takes my right hand softly before I can go.

“Care to dance with me?” he says with that boyish smile. I stare at him surprised and just nod. I’m not able to answer with anything more.

I really don’t understand what’s happening here, but I don’t care. He takes my right arm and almost drags me to the center of the dance floor. I follow him without a question.

He stops when we are at the center of the dance floor and turns around to face me. He grabs my hands and places them on his shoulders a bit harsher than necessary, but I don’t complain. He, in turn, places his hands around my waist.

The music is slow and romantic, so it isn’t weird for us to start swaying softly. Almost all the couples are doing just that.

I stare deep into Steve’s eyes, and I get lost in those lovely pools of blue. They are so soft.

“I’ve missed that…” I murmur without really wanting him to hear me. However, the alcohol is taking its toll on me, and I can’t seem to hold my thoughts properly.

“What?” he inquires in a soft voice, still staring at me.

“Your soft gaze, when you made me feel loved and wanted… when you didn’t hate me.” I whisper the last part and feel the tears spring to my eyes. I get closer to him and place my head on his chest, trying to hide. My arms slide from his neck to his waist, since being so close makes my arms ache in the previous position.

“I’ve never hated you, little one,” he whispers in my hair, pulling me closer if that’s possible. I feel his lips in my hair. It’s an act so tender it makes me ache.

“Then why, Steve?” I ask while moving my head so I can hear his heartbeat easily. They are getting faster by the minute.

“Why, what?” he asks innocently, caressing my back with the tips of his fingers. I tremble and hold on tighter to him.

“Why do you treat me as if you hate me, Steve?” I ask firmly, but still not daring to look him in the eyes.

I feel more than I hear his sigh.

“It’s… I… I have lots of excuses, Y/N, but a real, straightforward answer like the ones you like, I don’t,” his voice sounds apologetical and I believe he’s sorry. However, that doesn’t satisfy me.

I pull a little away from him, enough so I can see his face clearly.

“I want things to be like before Steve. You were my teacher and friend. I felt safe around you… I loved you.” I admit, but he grimaces, as if the simple declaration causes him pain.

_That stings and hurts. That breaks my heart. He does hate me._

I let go of him and try to turn around. I want to go back to somewhere safe, I want to forget I ever had Steve so close, and I want… I just don’t know what I want anymore.

“Y/N, wait.” he stops me from walking away.

“Why does everyone stop me from going away? You’re like the fifth person to hold me back tonight.” I ask annoyed. He smiles and turns me back around to face him.

“No one wants to let you go, little one,” the endearing name makes my heart go faster and some tears come back. “You’re too precious.”

“Please stop, Steve. We both know you don’t mean that,” I say, trying to avoid looking at him.

Softly, he places a hand on my cheek and turns my face to him. He’s so close, and his eyes are begging me. Begging for what?

“Y/N I know our relationship isn’t the best, and that’s partly my fault…” he whispers softly.

“Partly?” I snort, disbelieving, and that makes him smile, amused.

“Okay, it’s entirely my fault. I just… just give me this one dance. Let’s be like before all of this… it’s been so long. I never meant for this to… I-I just need one last dance,” he whispers tearfully, and I know I would never reject him.

“Damn you and your puppy dog eyes,” I murmur angrily while letting me be dragged back to the center of the dance floor, where we have enough space. He laughs heartily at hearing my comment.

He takes my right hand with his left and places my left hand on his shoulder, finally his right hand rests respectfully on my waist. I look at him curiously, since no one else is dancing like this, and it honestly feels like a princess dance. The Disney style or something like that. He smiles charmingly and that causes my mind to shut up and just go with it.

_I’m great at this self-control thingy._

He guides me softly through the song, taking a step back, one forth, one to the side… soon I notice that everyone is staring at us. There’s even a soft spotlight on us, and I swear I can see someone recording this.

_All that I wanted  
To hold you so close_

_So close to reaching_  
That famous happy end  
Almost believing  
This one’s not pretend  
And now you’re beside me  
And look how far we’ve come  
So far we are, so close

Wait, I know that song… that’s from a Disney movie. A. Freaking. Disney. Movie. I’ll kill whoever thinks this is funny, I swear to God…

Steve has a soft smile, he doesn’t get that someone is making this a joke… but he looks so happy. He even spins me around softly, right on cue. He really has no idea.

_Well, killing whoever planned this can wait._

What happens next however, stuns me beyond belief.

_**Oh how could I face the faceless days  
If I should lose you now** _

Steve sings to me, really softly and brokenly. His eyes are filling up with tears as are mine, but he keeps on singing, just for me.

__**We’re so close to reaching  
That famous happy end  
Almost believing  
This one’s not pretend  
Let’s go on dreaming  
For we know we are  
So close, so close**

The music is ending, and we are literally so close. Our noses are almost bumping, and I can see a tear escapes from his eyes. _ **  
**_

_**And still so far** _

“Steve…” I say, not caring anymore if the whole world is watching. My hands go to cup his cheeks and keep him close. His own left hand comes to my face in a similar gesture, and I can’t help but smile.

“Y/N…” he whispers and I close my eyes, leaning into him. I bring my left hand to his, so as to stop him from moving away.

The moment my left hand touches his, my world changes.

Everything is just… not there for a moment. I feel my breath hitch, and then all my nerve endings come alive. It’s like an electrical current going all around my body, and for a second I can feel Steve. I feel what he feels for a second. I can’t explain how, but everything just comes together but I can still differentiate it all. It is the extasis Plato had once described but so much more.

I open my eyes when the feeling stops being so overwhelming, and I see how one of my  left heartlines is shining bright. It shines the purest white I’ve ever seen, it almost hurts to see it directly, but I don’t care. It’s entrancing and so hypnotizing. I can’t tear my eyes away. However, I force myself to look a little farther away, searching for an equally bright heartline. I want to see Steve’s heartline shining with mine. I’ve heard that seeing your soulmate’s heartline shine is one of the most beautiful experiences in the world, and I don’t want to miss it.

I look up, smiling brightly, expecting Steve to be admiring our connection… but he’s not there.

A pain like no other takes my heart and squeezes the air right out of my lungs. I search frantically for Steve, ignoring all the pitying glances everyone is giving me.

After what feels like an agonizing eternity, I catch his distinct blond hair, and I smile, relieved.

“Steve!” I call out, ready to go running to him. I don’t care that he went away, we can solve this. I can see we are still shining. I still can see him. Questions can come later.

He turns around and stares deep into my eyes.

What I see stops me completely. He’s not happy, he’s not ecstatic.

He simply shakes his head in a negative and turns around.

_Suddenly, I cant feel a **single damn thing**. _


	6. Aftershocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a night full of shocking reveals, everyone struggles to deal with the aftershocks

His world was crumbling down with every step he took. The stinging pain in his arm that intensified with every single step he took away from you was the only thing that kept him somewhat grounded as he bumped into the crowd. He was careful to not let anyone touch his left arm, instinctively realizing by the sting that his own clothes provoked that it wouldn’t be a great experience.

He felt out of breath, trying and failing to hold back the tears in his eyes as he tried to remind himself, just once, why was he doing this. He wanted to remember his morals, his convictions, and everything that has made him act like a complete asshole for an entire year. But it was impossible. The only thing on his mind was the image of you, his beloved, extending your arms wide open for him to run into, your whole face denoting how excited and joyous you were… and how he had broken it. It had taken a simple shake of his head and the most beautiful sight of his whole life was gone, giving place to the one vision that he knew would torment him until his dying breath.

He had to keep on walking, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much every single cell in his body urged him to run back to you and beg for forgiveness… because it wasn’t the right thing to do. For a year, he had deluded himself into thinking that what was best, was letting you go, so all of the emotional wounds that had come since you became an Avenger, because of him, could heal. He was prepared to let you go, to let you be free… or so he thought. Now, the very foundation of almost all his acts was questioned and he couldn’t deal with it.

He tried desperately to be cold about this, to calm down and try to think logically, but he couldn’t. His mind was a mess. The pain was unbearable. His heart was beating too loudly, and the air in his lungs wasn’t enough; but, damn his will, he kept on walking forward.

“I can’t believe they were soulmates, but at least he rejected her. That’s only fair, she doesn’t deserve someone as good as him,” a disgustingly smug and familiar voice reached him and made him stop as if a bucket of cold water was dumped onto him.

No one could have prepared him for the further pain that came with the dawning reality that what he just heard revealed.

‘She’s going to suffer further, because of me,’ he thought as he stood there, frozen like a statue. She will be mocked and judged. Everyone that hates her in the tower will be able to… Oh God.

He suddenly wanted to puke. He felt sick to his stomach, disgusted with what he had provoked. He was careless, he let himself touch you even though he knew what would happen if your left arm even grazed his… but he had wanted to touch you, to be near you, and he couldn’t control it.

“You think that’s the only thing that will happen to her? I’ve read that our heartlines are somewhat sensitive to this social situations, and when one is rejected, the heartlines feel it. The one rejected always suffers a lot more pain than the one that rejected,” a second voice, equally smug as the first one was still heard by Steve. “The bitch deserves it. Always so cold and robotic, never even saying thank you to us! Maybe this will teach her a lesson. No one wants a heartless soulmate.”

That was enough to make him turn around and run again. He didn’t want to hear what other people thought of you, what they thought was meaningless gossip. He didn’t want to face the fact that because of him, because of his lack of self control, they now had more ammo to attack you. Most importantly, he didn’t want to remember that, according to recent studies of heartlines had revealed, what that huffy brat had smugly pointed out: when soulmates got rejected, both parties suffered extreme physical pain (and he was living it first hand). Even when he was young and going to school, that was a well known fact. However, what was new was the discovery that the party that got rejected was the one who suffered more intense pain and in some cases, even developed severe depression.

He never wanted that to happen. He regretted even thinking of being close to her… but that was a lie. He could never regret her touch, he could never regret dancing and singing with her… he regretted his own decision of “doing the right thing”.

The pain was getting less noticeable and that’s what made him come back to reality. He froze as soon as he realized where his body was taking him as he had tried to escape. He was less than five feet away from the elevator and he knew that once there, he would automatically search for you. He always did that. Seeing you, even if from afar, was always a comfort for him. Whenever he felt that things got too heavy, when the world was being too much, he just needed to search for you and immediately feel better.

Now, he couldn’t do that. Maybe never again.

“Steve?” he heard someone calling for him before the pain in his arm suddenly became so incredibly intense that he just reacted on instinct. The next thing he knew, he was staring at someone’s stunned face above him. He was holding said someone above the ground by the neck of the shirt. “What the hell, man?! Put me down!”

It took him a moment to recognize who it was and what happened. Sam was glaring at him as Steve lowered him back down to the ground.

He must have touched my… left arm, my heartline. That’s why it hurt, because no one but her is allowed to touch it.

He reasoned as he tried to calm himself down. The pain was still fresh in his mind, and it wasn’t something he wanted to relive. Without noting it, his whole body was wound tight and ready to fight. Legs slightly spread apart, tense shoulders, hands closed into tight fists… he was ready to attack if need be.

Sam; however, did note it. As he rubbed his sore neck, he quickly examined Steve as best as he could with the bright lights from the party. However, there was something that stuck out more than Steve’s tense stance: there was a soft light shining on both his left hand and in his collar bone. It was a bit hard to see, not only because of the setting they were in, but also because Steve wanted to hide it. However, it didn’t take a genius to know what was it. What did take Sam a bit more time to solve was the reason behind it lighting up, and Steve being so… tense.

“I’m sorry for that,” Steve tried to apologize, but it was hard to sound sincere when having to almost scream to be heard. He had walked back to the most crowded area of the party, where, not only the conversations were loud but the music was almost deafening.

“So, it finally happened? You finally had the balls to talk to her?” Sam asked, ignoring whatever Steve tried telling him as he pulled him to a less crowded area were they could talk without having to shout.

Steve was able to hear his questions and was almost offended by the assumption that he wasn’t man enough to talk to you… then he remembered that, indeed, he wasn’t.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Playing innocent was a far fetched idea, but still, he tried it. However, Sam wasn’t dumb and with just that simple sentence, he connected the dots.

“Tell me you didn’t,” Sam almost pleaded after a second. Steve was about to talk again, to still play the confused, innocent man he used to be, but Sam cut him off before he could. “Tell me you fucking didn’t. I saw you two dancing, I thought things were finally going to be good here… but you fucked up didn’t you? You lit up her heartline and left her… Dear god, I heard some rumors on my way to the fucking bathroom and didn’t think it could be about you two because I thought you couldn’t be that much of an asshole.” Sam was raging now. Rambling and almost laughing cynically. “But I was fucking wrong, wasn’t I?”

“Sam…” Steve tried to stop him. He didn’t like how he explained things, like he was the worst human being on the earth. Well, he felt that way… but that didn’t mean that he wanted one of his closest friends to tell him.

“You… you will fix this, Rogers. Your heartline is still shining, so it isn’t late. Let’s go,” the younger man concluded as he gripped Steve’s right arm, leading him towards the same elevator not five minutes ago, he was unconsciously going to. However, Steve still thought that, as much as it would hurt, this was the best option for everyone involved.

“I can’t, Sam. It’s not right,” his voice held that authoritative tone he gave when commanding missions. It was implied that there was no question about it. Things would go as he said because he said so, because he knew what was best. But right now, he was dead wrong, and Sam knew it.

“Not right? Damn you, Steve!” he said with an incredulous laugh “This, this fucking line shining in your fucking arm is the only thing right in this whole world! You’ve found your fucking soulmate, and it’s an amazing woman. You’ve been an asshole to her for a year, but this is your opportunity. You need to fix it.”

“This is none of your business, Sam. I believe this is what is best for everyone. She needs to heal from all that I’ve caused her, needs to get away from me, needs to…” Steve was practically repeating, like a robot, every reason he gave himself to act horribly towards the person he treasured the most.

“Have you fucking asked her, Rogers?!” Sam interrupted his practiced speech. “Did she say all that bullshit? Because when I have talked to her, actually asked her what she needs, what she wants, she hasn’t said a fucking word similar to what you’re saying.”

Steve was stunned for a couple of seconds. Opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, not finding the right words to defend his shaky beliefs, causing his friend to snort with an unamused attitude.

“For a year, you’ve been a complete and utter asshole to her because you thought that’s what she needed, but you never actually bothered to think about her opinion or have a bit of logical sense.” His voice was full of disbelief, before he started massaging his temples. “Oh lord, give me patience. She deserves so much better,” Steve couldn’t find it in himself to be angry at the obvious insult Sam threw. He always knew that his little one was too holy for him, too good, too precious. “Let me educate you, Rogers, in the wonders of actually listening. She doesn’t need your protection, or you making decisions for her. She needs a man… a man that will stand by her, that will make her laugh when she’s down, a man who will take care of her when she gets reckless… someone who can make her a priority, Steve. I know you think this is the best thing to do… but let’s be real here, it’s Y/N we’re talking about. She is very capable of knowing what she needs and wants. And I believe, I truly believe, that you can be the man she needs.” During his speech, Sam had gotten closer to Steve, gripping his right shoulder and shaking him, as if trying to put some sense into him.

“You didn’t see her when she came back from the… the supposed training camp. The Hydra agents destroyed her, Sam, and it was all because of me.” Steve tried to desperately cling to the sense he had made of his actions for so long. His voice was shaky by the memory and his will strengthened at the image of her lifeless eyes, similar to the one he saw that same night, but worse. He couldn’t allow that to happen again. The best solution was for her to be far away from him. “I’m just a reminder of that incident, I failed her… and I failed again tonight, but I won’t do it again.”

Sam was the one stunned now, staring directly at the blue eyes that now held a lot more determination. He couldn’t believe it, he really was going to give up on her… and make her suffer further.

“Hasn’t she had enough suffering, Steve? Hasn’t she has gone through enough?” He tried once more to bring him to his senses. Steve needed to understand that this was a terrible decision, he just wanted to help him… but his hope wasn’t high. Steve was the most stubborn man he had ever met, and the next words cemented that fact.

“I do regret causing her even more pain, I never wanted that Sam, you know it. However, this is the least she will get if she does stay with me… like you said, she has gone through enough.” Steve was now more convinced than ever that this was the right path.

Doing the right thing has never been easy…he tried to comfort himself as he felt his heart breaking again, imagining how much you would be hurting.

“You’re impossible,” Sam sighed before straightening and slipping back into his soldier persona. He was tired of trying to be a good friend, as it proved to be as useful as talking to a wall. “Either way, I was just searching you to notify you that because of recent events provoked by yourself, S.H.I.E.L.D. has relieved you of your current mission. Please do try not to interfere further with all our other missions.” Sam ended before turning and trying to get as far as he could from Steve. However, as he had expected, the blond stopped him .

“What do you mean, Wilson?! My mission can continue, I’m capable of completing it,” Steve was angry. It did not impress Sam, not in the least.

“You clearly weren’t capable of maintaining your personal issues in order. Now, you have no chance of making dear Miss Bonnie Parker slip in any plans her mother may have for the mob. So, if you’ll excuse me, I have a gangster princess to seduce,” Sam replied with disdain before disappearing into the crowd, but not before giving a hard pat to his left shoulder, fully knowing what that would cause.

Steve wanted to curse him to hell and back. The pain he suffered by the simple contact was short lived, but it left his whole body sore with the secondary waves. His knees were trembling, and he almost fell to his knees in agony. However, he found the strength to walk, even with his wobbly legs that reminded him of his years before the serum, towards the nearest chair he could find. Conveniently, that was in one of the two bars on the floor.

He recognized this to be the bar where his little one sat when they first connected gazes. He remembered she was slightly tipsy, but he had watched her carefully through the night, and she only consumed three drinks in total… meaning that there was something here capable of making her drunk and in turn, capable of making him drunk too.

So, with a grumble that tried to be polite, he asked for the strongest drink the bartender could muster. It only took a look at his defeated stance, his disheveled hair and a still shining heartline for the bartender to nod grimly, pity evident in her gaze as she silently mixed different liquids.

She didn’t say a word as she placed the dark drink in front of him and placed a glass of water beside it, and he was thankful for it.

As he took the seemingly color changing drink, he remembered your sad, broken stare. How your arms dropped violently at your side. How your smile became a grimace. How your shoulders went from relaxed to tense. And… how happy you were, the happiest he had ever seen you since the Hydra incident, and how he destroyed it.

 _It’s going to be a long life._ He thought as he felt the liquid burn his throat and make his head heavy, welcoming the drunken and hazy sensation taking over the overwhelming, constant pain.

So, slumped against the bar of an overly ostentatious party that marked his life for the worst, Steve Rogers stopped being the honorable Captain America and became a common man who knew had just lost the best part of his life.

* * *

 

Bucky Barnes felt excited and light as he walked back to where he left his lovely doll waiting. He had been entertained by a casual encounter with the organizer of the party, Tony Stark, and commenting with him what his doll had found: six break-ins in total. Tony seemed worried and promised to look right into it with the help of Bruce Banner. He estimated his absence was about fifteen minutes long and was already anxious to see you again. The watch on his right wrist marked almost twelve, so it meant that you could go back to your room now, without having Natasha being huffy about it later.

However, there were a lot more people at his return to the main room than when he left. The whole atmosphere seemed different, more tense and quiet than he remembered it. The music wasn’t as loud and there weren’t many people “dancing” (more like grinding on each other) around. Rather, people were now conglomerated in large circles, all talking in hushed tones like teenagers.

He couldn’t care less. This party was full of people that had not only made his life more difficult over the years, but also people who enjoyed to make his doll angry at every opportunity they had. Fortunately, you had enough sense to never show them how pissed you were, and often you just talked to someone with higher ranking in S.H.I.E.L.D. to solve any problem. He was more interested in getting back to the bar near the stage where he last saw you to take you away. However, that changed with a few loud words.

“Some man of honor he is! Leaving his soulmate, right in front of everyone, and at her own birthday party! How awful,” a middle aged woman was talking angrily, and therefore, loudly with another woman around the same age.

_Man of honor? Soulmate? Her own birthday party?_

Three pieces of a puzzle were suddenly connected in his head, and his first reaction was utter denial.

 _It can’t be. They couldn’t  be talking of any supposed man of honor, of any party, not necessarily of this one_.

He tried to calm himself and think logically, because surely, **_surely_ **in the ten or fifteen minutes that he was gone, his worst fear couldn’t have become a reality.

“He even invited her to dance and everyone was watching them! How could he do this to a lovely girl like her? She sung so beautifully earlier, and she’s always been so nice to me,” the second lady grumbled indignantly, making Bucky’s thoughts stop dead in their tracks. Logically, now there wasn’t any doubt of who they were speaking of, and it was pretty obvious to him what the incident was that made the women so indignant. However, his heart still held some kind of hope.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” he politely intervened in the conversation, even though he felt as if his heart was about to beat out of his chest, “I couldn’t help but hear what you were talking about and I… well, I think you’re talking about my best friend. I went to the restroom for a moment and… I don’t know what happened. Would you mind explaining it to me?” He hoped he didn’t sound as desperate as he felt. He was sweating cold, dreading the upcoming answer even more when the lady that had turned to see him was somewhat familiar. That could only mean that she was one of the few people that you bothered in treating respectfully since they gave you the same treatment.

“Oh, you’re the one who is always by her side…” she murmured sadly before nodding grimly. “Yes, we were talking about her, your friend. She… she was dancing beautifully with that… that horrible man. My god, I always thought he was so good and charming, but who could ever do that to their own soulmate?” she lamented with a deep frown.

“Ma’am,” he simply said, trying to call her out on going off theme. His heart was now beating even louder, making his head pound. He was trying to calm himself, to hear the whole story because he still hoped, god, he hoped so much, that they hadn’t touched. Every logical sense told him that the simple words he had heard from both women was proof enough that his worst fear, the worst thing that could’ve happen, happened.

“Yes, sorry, ” she nodded, understanding that she was getting ahead of herself, “She danced with him, with Captain America, and then the music ended, and they were holding each other… it was beautiful. I always thought they looked so good together, even after all their fights. And there they were, looking almost ethereal when their left hands touched. I swear, I’ve never seen a light so bright in my whole life! But the next moment, I expected them to be hugging or staring at each other or… something, but he was gone!” She almost sobbed the last part. “Her face is what broke my heart. So much pain and disappointment. The poor dear, she didn’t deserve that!” The woman kept on complaining emotionally, but Bucky couldn’t hear anymore.

Slowly, all the story sank in. First, he just couldn’t make sense of it all.

It couldn’t have been that way. He reasoned. _Steve doesn’t even look at Y/N nowadays if he doesn’t have to. He had a mission to go through tonight… he wouldn’t get distracted. Even if he was to actually ask her to dance... he would be careful. He knows they are… he knows that they are.... he can’t be so selfish… He… he couldn’t have. Not her. Not this. She had to be lying. Y/N… Y/N is in her room because she got tired of waiting for me. Everything's still fine. She’s fine, and I can still protect her…_

However, it didn’t matter how much he tried to see reasons and deny it, he knew deep down that what he just heard was the truth. He knew he had failed to protect his doll, his best friend, from the worst thing that could happen to her, Steve.

The simple thought of his name made his whole being stir in rage. He closed his hands in tight fists and felt a bitter taste settle in his mouth. Steve. The fucking idiot who knew he was the soulmate of the most perfect woman on earth and still, rejected her, pushed her away. He never thought his stupidity would go so far as to hurt her like this.

But maybe, Bucky could fix this still. He could beat some sense into that hard skull of his and make him realize what was the real best thing to do… and watch you have the happily ever after you deserved. Even if it would break his heart.

So, after counting from one to ten in his mind and breathing slowly, his vision stopped turning red at the edges, and he was able to think logically.

“Anyone know where the fuck is Rogers now?” he growls into the microphone attached to his ear in case of emergencies. He impatiently waits for a response, but is only met with utter silence from the other Avengers. For him, an eternity passes. Every second wasted is a second that you’re suffering in agony, and he’s doing nothing to avoid it. “Hello?! Anyone fucking hearing me?! I need Rogers exact location, and I need it. **_Right. Now_ **.” Furious because of the lack of response, he screams into the tiny device, making the people around him jump in surprise and send him dirty glares. Not that he notices.

“Uh… I think I just saw him. He was slumped against the second bar, the one closest to the stage and-” Clint’s voice has a bit of surprised stutter as he answers, however the ex-Sergeant doesn’t hear the complete response, as the information he needed was already given. He takes the mic out of his ear, not wanting to hear anything from the other Avengers that would surely ask about what was the problem. They were all in different places of the Tower where the party was being celebrated, and he knew for a fact that now, Steve and he were the only ones on the main floor. So, he strides to the bar, realizing the cruel irony that he was going in that same direction minutes ago, feeling almost over the moon at the prospect of a night with you… and now, his heart felt like a heavy stone.

The irony was even laughable now. Steve Rogers was slumped in the exact same seat he had left his precious doll in. However, Bucky Barnes didn’t laugh.

“Rogers,” he calls out, loud enough for the blond man to hear him. He knows he has been heard when he catches the slumped figure slowly become straighter, before he stops seeing the back of the man he had known since childhood and faced his dazed smile and gaze.

“I expected you earlier, Barnes,” he says with a cold smile, before taking a sip of a strange blue drink. The response makes Bucky clench his jaw in time with his fists. He had to count to ten again, just to remind himself of all the reasons why he couldn’t strangle the man in front of him.

“It’s not too late, Steve. This can be fixed still. It’s not over,” he growls out, feeling his own heart shattering at the prospect of not being able to fix things.

“Fixed? C’mon, Barnes! This is shattered beyond repair, it never started,” the voice of the man just hours ago he identified as his best friend was bitter and cold before he took another gulp of his drink.

That gave him some kind of hope. Surely, him feeling as hopeless and desperate as he sounded meant there was a chance of convincing him that this wasn’t right.  

“It can start now, Rogers. We just need to get you to her and… and everything will be fine. You’ll beg and grovel for forgiveness, then you’ll spend the rest of your days treating her as she deserves,” his voice ends as a bitter whisper, and he knows it. He thinks of how unfair this whole situation is, how someone who can’t fully appreciate you is your soulmate.

“As she deserves to?” he repeats with a unbelieving laugh “She… she is just a robot nowadays! She is… just so broken and traumatized. Why would I ever want to be with someone so cold and ruthless?” If the ex-sergeant had been listening closely to the man he had grown up with or paying attention to his body language, rather than the words that came from his mouth, he would’ve noticed how the words were not only tinted with sadness and bitterness, but they were also a desperate attempt from the man who pronounced them to… hold on to his beliefs.

But it didn’t matter, because Bucky couldn’t think of those thing, stuck on thinking on how truly awful this turn of life was, because… how could he say such things? You’re so much more. You’re kind, compassionate, clever, full of life, quirky and so many more things that he can’t even begin to describe. He sees it every single day, with the way you smile, talk or even breathe. You had gone through so much and obviously developed some coping mechanisms, but if anything, he could understand it better than anyone. However, even through the pain the Hydra agents once put you through (that he knew from experience was quite a lot), you bounced back and didn’t just mope around, losing yourself to the traumatic nightmares and panic attacks.

However, all of that hard work didn’t meant a thing to the man in front of him. He wasn’t there to support you and care for you… and yet, he was the one who lit up your left heartline. He is the one who is insulting you, bad mouthing you shamelessly after what he did… Nobody has the right to insult you, much less the man who is supposed to love you more than anything.

Steve keeps talking, babbling nonsensical stupidity, questioning your sanity and your ways of acting… and in that moment, Bucky realizes that, no, this isn’t fair at all. You didn’t deserve someone who could even imagine such things of you, someone… someone who can’t fully appreciate you. It wasn’t fair that someone as cowardly and dismissive as Steve had been with you, got the high honor of being your soulmate, and not him.

“Don’t you think it’s weird how she miraculously survived the Hydra programming? I’ve always thought of it a bit suspicious and…” Steve’s voice was more quiet now as he stared into his dark colored drink. Suddenly, he turns to Bucky with a smirk, and he just knows this isn’t going to end well. “There’s something wrong with her, there must be. No one truly loves her, so-”

 _That was enough._ Bucky thinks as he takes advantage of the drunken state of his so called friend and rushes to where he stands, just to deliver a hard punch to his jaw, just to shut him up.

It makes him look surprised as he stumbles back and hold his face for a moment. Then, his damned smirk is back… and Bucky understands that this man, right in front of him, wasn’t the quiet boy from Brooklyn with big dreams and a selfless purpose, his friend, his comrade, the one he had come to love as a brother. No, this was the man you were forced to see and put up with since you joined the Avengers, an asshole trying to look down on him from his high horse of “greater good”.

Clenching his jaw, Bucky watches as he straightens up and looks back at him, the smirk never leaving his face… but still, somehow becoming more menacing, more predatory… more dangerous. Not that the ex-sergeant could care even a little bit. He was equally, if not more, dangerous… and right now, he was holding himself to the best of his ability to not break the neck of the man in front of him; the man who wipes his busted lip with a chuckle and takes a subtle fighting stance as everyone in the party seems to become increasingly quiet.

"This doesn't change the facts, Barnes. But what's the matter with you?” he slurs the last sentence with mock worry, before chuckling darkly and saying, “I thought you liked your ladies warm and well-kept. Surely, losing your only chance with her is not something worth losing sleep over. She's just an agent, she's just a cold blooded murderer that couldn't care less about you or me or anyone in this...!" he doesn't manage to finish that sentence before a swift blow connects to his cheek and not even a second after, a second punch is directed towards his stomach. The blows and his already disoriented state, make him fall to the ground again.

“Shut up, Rogers,” Bucky’s deadly whisper is heard by almost everyone in the enormous room, as they watch the scene in enraptured and terrified silence.

Said man coughs a bit before standing up again. His system already working through the toxins in his body, making the lightheadedness go away and, as he feels the pain from his stomach and face, added to the previously dulled sting of his heartline, his rage increases.

“Oh, Buck,” he laughs humorlessly, running his hand through his already disheveled hair, before looking straight into his eyes, “You really shouldn’t have done that.”

“Really?” Bucky responds sarcastically, “I’m surprised you’re man enough to fight for yourself now, Rogers. Remember what a skinny little kid you were? You couldn’t fight to save your life. I did it for you.” The last sentence is said with just the right amount of taunting to make the blond man lose his previous smirk.

"I always wanted to fight for myself, _Barnes_. I never asked you to fight for me," he growls angrily, clenching his fists, “You want to see how much of a man I am now?" His fists raise, ready to fight him, but now it’s Bucky who smiles darkly, knowing he definitely pressed the right buttons.

“Go ahead and show me. You clearly weren’t man enough to keep Y/N happy, were you?” his voice is an imitation of the mockery he received earlier as he opens his arms as if to invite him to even try to punch him; and as expected, he does. Bucky blocks his jabs by simply raising his arms and pushing the incoming attacks with enough force.

In any other occasion, this would force the strategic Captain to observe for a weakness or change tactics… but now, with the alcohol and rage clouding his brain, he acts impulsively and throws himself at his old friend. Bucky, who had long since reigned in his ways of fighting and dealing with rage, easily deflects the attacks and even takes the opportunity to land a hard jab to his ribs, feeling immense satisfaction at the breathless gasp that comes a second afterwards.  

However, he never predicted that Steve would still find the force to tackle him and send him to the floor. That moment of surprise cost him a couple of punches to the face.

“This. Is. For the best!” each word, let out as a broken whisper between gritted teeth, was accompanied by a punch.

Those damned words were the ones that finally let him out of his stupor and gave him enough rage to push Steve to the side and quickly get up. Before anyone could register what was happening, he was holding Steve from the neck of his shirt and throwing him as far as he could.

 _Now_ **_this_ ** , he thought as he heard the distant panicked screams and the hard thud of the landing, _is for the best_.

 

* * *

 

It had been a fun night for Wanda. It had been ages since she got to feel so carefree and giggly. She suspected the strong drinks she had consumed earlier were part of the reason why she felt like this, but honestly? She didn’t care. Dancing around with Vision, trying to get him to loosen up and failing miserably had been quite entertaining and made her heart fill up with warmth. That, added to the fact that she had a couple of nice images of one of her best friends singing and dancing (“like a stripper” as she had described ashamedly); and that said friend had lovingly cooked some of her favorite dishes for the party, contributed to her great mood. It was specially great to present Vision to said dishes, like cozonac or papanasi.

So, yeah, she was having a good time, despite her having a mission, and there being a lot of people she disliked.

That was, of course, until a heavy commotion started… and she was the one nearer to them, so now she had to solve it. Sighing, she made her way through the halls while chewing on a bit of papanazi and getting ready to separate a couple of drunk guys, so she could go back to her fun night.

She should have known that she wouldn’t be that lucky.

Right there, in the middle of the central room, were two very familiar men fighting each other.

“What the hell were you thinking of leaving her? You think this will solve anything, punk?!” Bucky roars enraged as he wildy gestures with his hands. “Are you really that stupid?”

“Not that you should care at all, Barnes!” the blond’s bark was full of rage as he stood up from a pile of broken glass that, probably, used to be a table. “She’s not yours!” the blond exclaims as he gets ready to tackle the other man.

Wanda is all too surprised by what she sees to do anything, but thanks whatever deity that could hear her for a certain avenger’s sudden appearance.

“What the hell is going on with both of you?!” Tony Stark’s voice is beyond annoyed as he gets in between both super soldiers.

“Get out of the way, Stark,” Steve simply says as he keeps staring at his adversary, ready to pounce on any second.

“This is none of your business,” Bucky completes, not backing down in the staring contest. They both seem ready to attack, and, just in the last second, Wanda manages to catch Tony’s eye, and she just knows what she should do.

Without hesitation, she concentrates on her power and bowing her head while pulling her hands apart in a violent, single and fluid move, she has both super soldiers pinned to opposites sides of the room.

It isn’t long before they begin to struggle against her and, without her proper warm up, she really can’t hold them for much longer. They are both shouting profanities at one another, so Wanda takes advantage of that distraction.

“Get Steve!” she shouts to Tony, knowing that Iron Man will have better chances at holding a slightly drunk and disoriented super soldier, than one who’s full on raging and on the verge of assassin mode. Tony is quick, calling his armor on and going to hold Steve from the back.

“I’m good,” she hears his slightly techno voice, giving her the all clear to concentrate on Bucky.

"You don't deserve her, Rogers!" Bucky screams enraged, managing to get off the wall, but Wanda is doing her best to contain him. However, he isn't done with the bastard yet. Steve is thrashing around in Tony’s hold, but he laughs when he hears Bucky's words.

"And you do? Don't fool yourself Barnes! She sees you just as a friend! She pities you!" his cruel words hurt the ex-soldier deeply. He has had such thoughts himself... and he can't believe Steve, of all people, voiced them.

Bucky doesn't want to keep talking, he wants to keep fighting and so he struggles further.

"STOP, BOTH OF YOU!" Wanda shouted tiredly. "Stark, take Steve to his room and lock him up," she orders while turning Bucky, so he stops facing Steve.

"Wanda... I think you forget... that they live on the same... floor," Tony says, pausing every time he has to apply more force for Steve not to escape his hold.

"No, I didn’t," she replies and turns to look at Steve with malice in her eyes. "Bucky is sleeping with Y/N today, and probably from now on." The smile on her face grows when she saw Steve stiffen for a moment and then start violently struggling again.

"Thanks Wanda!" Tony replies sarcastically while trying to get the drunk man to walk back to his floor.

"You're welcome," she sighs relieved once she noticeds that the soldier she has under her control is now more relaxed.

Once she’s sure Tony has been successful with taking Steve to the elevator, she frees Bucky from her powers… but she keeps on high alert, not putting it past him to run to the building’s stairs just to get to their floor and keep on fighting.

“Thank you,” he breathes quietly and Wanda just nods, looking around at the now empty room.

“Well, seems like the party is officially over,” she shrugs her shoulders a bit defeated, and turns to Bucky, “So… mind telling me what all of that was about?”

 

* * *

 

Thinking he’d be better off dead wasn’t something new to think about these days. Truth be told, Clark Kent had known since the moment he saw his soulmate die on the plasma T.V. from the Justice League Headquarters that there wasn’t a lot to live for anymore. Sure, he still had his ma, he still had to take care of Krypto, still had to teach Conner and Kara about their powers, still had a job and a dream to make this world better… he also, still had Lois. That could be enough… but not really.

Living half dead was similar to living in his teenage years. The feeling of sinking, of dullness and exhaustion even when being all day on bed were familiar to him… but the hopelessness, the dull ache of not being able to think of the future, the dryness in his mouth every time he looked at his left arm and saw it unmarked, wishing, begging, praying for even a faint glimpse of what used to be there; that was new. Worst of it all, he knew what it meant… but he did what he once had done best: he ignored it.

However, playing pretend soon wasn’t enough to cover up how he was breaking at the seams. Wasn’t enough to keep him distracted from the truth he avoided, the pain he denied. Soon, he was in an exhausting life that he didn’t know how to make sense of. He was in the same job he had been for years, he tried to be Superman as much as he could and… and he was in a serious relationship with Lois Lane. Moving in together not even a year after you died. Days passed without him being aware of them, happiness being a blurred memory as his life went on with him as a simple observer.

He often found himself wondering how everything had turned so bad in his life, how life had taken away everything. It wasn't fair, living in a nightmare. A constant nightmare he couldn't wake up from, no matter what he did. No matter how many times he had made up his mind about going to therapy, taking control of his life, honor the love that once kept him alive... it always ended on empty promises to himself and disappointment.

However, now, stuck in a tiny cell waiting for he didn’t know what... he felt alive for the first time in years. He was awake after a deep slumber. Everything seemed so much more colorful than that same morning, his head head light, even when his chest was tight and kept that sinking sensation and all because he found what he had thought lost forever in the most unexpected place of all. His reason to live had somehow mocked death and was now very much alive.

His mind was full of questions and insecurities, but the relief he felt was greater than anything else he could feel. It was like he could finally breathe after years of holding his breath… it was wonderful. He did wonder how it was possible, if he was delusional and finally cracked after all the pressure and quiet self loathing… but just as he had known that his life would lack meaning when you died, he knew that life was giving him a second chance. It really was you. Wearing a killer red dress that was so incredibly gorgeous and… why did you never wear something like that before? Oh, but your voice! It had haunted him for months and for the past weeks he swore he had heard it everywhere (ever since that incident with the so named “Wicked Chaos” he was sure he was going completely nuts), but now he was sure it was real. He could still hear you singing, in the back of his mind, and he prayed that this memory never went away.

This prayer, of course, only brought him to appreciate all what he had missed of you… and it was quite a long list. He just couldn’t wait to have you back in his arms! He would never let you go and he would apologize for everything, beg for your forgiveness and… and just be the man that you always deserved, and he once was too dumb to be. After all, now he couldn’t care less about you having more soulmates, the simple fact that he was one of them was enough to be the luckiest man on earth, no, in the universe.

 _Dear God, I can hold her again!_ He thinks excitedly as a dumb, dreamy smile spreads through his face. _I can kiss her again… She’s alive! The love of my life is_ **_alive!_ **

His heart is now the same as his head, light and fluttering. He can’t help but cradle his left arm close and affectionately run his thumb through where his left heartline should be. Some days ago he had noticed that the cover tattoo had started to fade and a faint outline of his heartline could be made.

“Clark…” a fake sugary, familiar voice brings him out of his daydream. He doesn’t bother to turn, knowing that Lois will continue talking, whether he wants her to or not. “Why didn’t you fix your cover tattoo like I asked?” The question is asked with a very obvious venom and rage in it.

"I didn't want to, Lois," his reply is short, and he makes it clear he doesn't want to continue talking. He totally prefers to stay in his daydream. His thoughts on the woman he loves, wondering what she is doing. He wants to get out, but he can't. He knows there are cameras here, and he has to act normal; but the yearning is strong. It’s like a kid on Christmas Eve, so close to getting his gift but still a while to wait. Unfortunately, Lois doesn't give up.

"You didn't want to? Clark, honey," she sighs like she's talking to a child, something that always exasperated Clark to no end. "We've talked about this. You're still too... sensitive on the matter. You can't think straight when thinking of that _woman,_ " the last word is accompanied by a sneer on her face. His jaw clenched slightly, but he refuses to lose his temper.

“I’m not too sensitive,” he replies after taking a deep, calming breath. “She’s my soulmate, and I love her,” he explains resolutely.

"So now she's your soulmate, eh? _Now_ , you love her. And what about me, Clark?!" She stands up, getting angrier by the second. She tries to provoke him, subtlety pointing his past mistakes; however, he’s oblivious and calm.

“You’re not my soulmate. She is,” he vaguely points to the door where they entered through, and the only way that could lead him to where you were.

"But you're not hers, now are you?" her voice is full of venom after not getting her way the first time. She knows this was always a touchy point for him, how he never was quite enough to be her soulmate. She hoped playing on this particular insecurity would be enough to bring him back to his senses.

“Just wait and see. I will be,” he says the dreaminess coming back to his voice, making Lois lose whatever patience she had left.

"She doesn't even remember you! She doesn't want you, Clark!” She screams in frustration and when she notices Clark’s brow twitches in annoyance, she breathes a bit more calm, thinking she’s finally making progress. “But I do,” her voice is soft and sweet again.

“The feeling isn’t returned,” he answers curtly, before sighing and trying to explain himself. Maybe that would make her give up? “I will do anything for her. I will do anything to get her to love and remember me. I’m not making the same mistake again.”

"Mistake?!" Lois shrieks indignant "I'm not a mistake, Kent. I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you!" She fumes, getting closer to him with hard steps, similar to those of a child during a tantrum.

“No. You were the reason I lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he’s annoyed, but he’d never lose his temper, especially not when being recorded. Besides, he’s too excited to see you alive again to be truly mad anyways.

“You listen here Clark, and listen well. We are a happy, blissful couple. I've worked hard to get where I am now, and you're not going to ruin that. So, as soon as you get us out of here, you'll forget this whole thing ever happened, and I'll forgive your selfish tendencies. Is that clear?" her voice is a foolish attempt of being dead serious, but it almost makes Clark want to laugh in her face.

 _‘Yeah, as is that is ever going to happen,’ h_ e thinks with a tiny snicker, before shaking his head and returning his gaze to his left arm. Soon, his heartline would be fully visible again and… and he would be connected to you once again. He just couldn’t wait.

“No,” his voice is soft, as he answers out of pure politeness, just to go right back to his daydream. He’s dreamy, far off, and anxious to see his girl.

"No? Did you just say no to me, Clark? That's not how we work!” Lois screams, moving her fist up and down like a child. He almost wants to sigh and roll his eyes. ‘ _Will this never end?’_ He thinks boredly as he watches her. “You just saw that...that stupid girl, and you're doing this to me! You selfish bastard!" Her face is red from rage as she screams careless of the other residents in the prison.

However, she went too far this time. He’s finally angry, but he knows he should remain calm. Standing up to his full height and towering over Lois, he calmly tells her, “Don’t you ever call my soulmate stupid again. Am I clear?” His voice is cold and collected, so much so that it makes Lois tremble. She’s never been on the receiving end of Clark’s calm anger.

"N-no, no," she turns around and collects her thoughts and tries again. “She can't take you away from me. You left her, to be with me," she tries to assure herself in a quiet voice that finally has Clark rolling his eyes in annoyance. "Think about this, Clark. She'll reject you once she remembers what you did to her, don't be a fool. We can be great. The Pulitzer I won is just the first step! Imagine how much influence we will have on the media! On the world!"

“Is that all this is to you? Some plot to influence the world by using me?” His voice shows how disgusted he is with the simple implication. She has no immediate answer, and he just knows he will regret actually knowing it. “I left her for you because I was a fool. But as I said I’ll never make the same mistake again. I will work day and night for the rest of my life to get her to forgive me. I love her with everything I have, and I don’t care if it takes one, ten or a million years, I will prove to Y/N that I love her and that we are soulmates.” He has never been more sure in anything than with what he says right now. He is dead serious and knows that unlike previous promises, this one is engraved in his heart, in his bones. Lois notices too how serious he is… and she just can’t have it.

An undignified squeak comes out of her, and she starts to turn red from rage. She's sputtering incoherently, trying to find a good argument because she wants to tell him how wrong he is, demand for him to listen to her as he always does, but...he isn't. And that makes her even more desperate as she tries to manipulate him again.

"If that's what you think, then I guess we are through!" she exclaims in a superior voice and turns to give Clark the cold shoulder. She knows that works every time since the only thing he fears the most, is being alone. But she can't see the enormous grin that stretches over his face and the sag of relief in his shoulders while he murmurs excitedly, "I guess we are"

She turns around horrified as she hears those words. “What? Clark, you couldn’t possible mean that. You couldn’t let me go. You love me,” she laughs nervously, trying to come up with another way for things to go her way.

"No, I don't," he says with a childish grin.

"You don't mean that, you're just...you're confused," she stutters not believing how her whole world, her career plans… are all crumbling down in front of her.

"Confused... Yeah, I was confused for two years, Lois. Not now,” He is still smiling innocently, childishly, as if everything that had been weighing him down had disappeared… and it sure felt that way for Clark. Lois, on the other hand, felt mocked.

She sputters, “What the hell do you mean ‘not now’?. You love me, it’s always been me. You’re not seeing clearly. It’s because of the girl out there. It’s her. She’s a distraction, and she’s messing up your mind, just because she’s similar to her.”

"She is my soulmate, and therefore, I would like for you to refer to her with the respect she deserves," he says trying to hold his rage. This is not the first time Lois had tried to diminish your importance and that was the only thing he was proud of never allowing. If he hadn’t respected you once, he would now for sure.

“She’s not your soulmate. If she were, I wouldn’t be with you for two years,” Lois declares venomously, hating the way Clark jumps to defend you everytime.

"She is. I saw her, Lois. It's Y/N... She looked so gorgeous…," he sighs dreamily, remembering your beautiful eyes on him, the look of longing you had for a second.

“Clark,” she shrieks angrily, “I am the woman you love, not that...girl...that slut,” she murmurs the last part, but as expected, he hears her.

He turns so fast to her that he can almost feel the strain on his neck. He starts slowly walking towards her. "I thought I was clear earlier, Lois," he breathes while looking right into her frightened eyes, "I said that you. Will. Respect. My. Soulmate.” His voice is calm and polite...but Lois knows better. She has heard that tone before, and she doesn't like a bit how this is turning out. Sooner than expected, he's in front of her, and she's suddenly reminded of his inhuman strength when he holds her shoulders in his hands and forces her to look at his angry eyes. "Are we clear?" he almost grunts in the most savage way Lois had seen him do.

She whimpers, about to cry, expecting Clark to feel bad. To crumble at her tears the way he’s done so many times before, but he barely pays attention to her, letting go of her shoulders at the first sign of tears. He gives her a tissue while rolling his eyes at her antics.

“Clark?” She mumbles out through her exaggerated tears. “Baby, please. Look at me.”

"Lois, please stop crying,” he asks, and she almost smiles, thinking she's won again, "It's rather... How do I put this nicely? Well, it's rather pathetic and even more so when I know it's all an act." He’s utterly tired of this whole back and forth. This same scene had been repeated countless times ever since they met and… well, he was tired of it a long time ago, but now he had more important things to think about than Lois’ theatrics.

He hears how she huffs about to pull a tantrum, but Clark really doesn’t care. At this point he’s in his dream world, imagining his reuniting with you, his love.

He imagines all the sweet things he will tell you, all the apologies and the regret. He imagines you, staring straight into his eyes and shushing him gently, caressing his cheek and hearing your sweet voice saying his name again, _'Clark, my love... Of course I forgive you, you're my everything'._

However, the sound of the cell being opened interrupts his daydreaming and Lois’s babbling.

“Miss Romanov will see you now,” the same guard that had guided them to this cell was now gesturing for them to follow him.

“Not that brat again!” Lois exclaims in rage as she wipes her cheeks harshly.

“Lois…,” Clark promptly intervenes, the warning is clear, and she shuts her mouth. He can hear her teeth clenching in a way that must be painful. “Let’s go,” he urges, wanting to see you as soon as possible.

The guard is moving slowly, too slow for his liking, but he can wait. Finally, they are led to a simple black door. He waits patiently as the guard enters some codes at the door, as his mind wanders to how every wall in this building was covered with lead, so he can’t see through anything… but he hears a calm heartbeat coming from inside.

So, he will be alone with you? Oh, thank God! He can hold you and beg as soon as possible and… he bumps with Lois shoulder and remembers that he isn’t alone.

He hopes he can convince you to talk privately. But his hopes are crushed when he sees a redhead with murder in her eyes the moment the door is opened.

“Take a seat,” the woman says, standing behind a chair and a table with two more chairs for them to sit. He noticed the room looked a lot like the classical interrogation room, with its own one sided mirror… that he couldn’t look through.

He sits as he's told and urges Lois to do the same. The redhead seems satisfied and opens her mouth to speak again, but before she can say anything else he nervously asks, "Where's Y/N?"

“Clark Kent, right?” the redhead brushes off his question as he can see her eyes glint murderously. That gives him a bad feeling. He had seen you collapse, after all. What if he had caused you a nervous breakdown? Or a panic attack? He remembered you used to have those sometimes. They were rare and only happened when you were under a titanic amount of stress.

"Is she alright?" he tries again, practically begging to just know you’re fine. The redhead raises an eyebrow, unamused before sitting in front of him and Lois.

“I’m asking the questions here, Mr. Kent,” she glares in the direction of Lois before snarling, “and company.”  


* * *

 

The door from the cell barely closes before Barry Allen turns to his fiancee and, seething, asks in the most dangerous voice she has ever heard from him, “ _What the_ **_fuck_ ** _was that?”_

She winces without being able to help it, because even though he’s not exactly screaming it’s still threatening. However, she stands her ground and taking a deep breath, she answers politely, “What do you mean, Barry?”

“Don’t give me that, Iris,” he huffs turning around and starting to pace around the tiny cell like a imprisoned lion. “Why on earth would you do that? Why would you be so arrogant and cruel to her?” he asks running his hands through his hair, almost wanting to rip it out just to calm the pain, the anxiety, the frustration… everything that was making him feel like he would die any moment now.

“I’m sorry for ruining your mission, Barry. I just can’t stand fake people, you know?” she says trying to seem innocent, but that just makes the tornado of emotions he is turn into the most prominent one: anger.

“Fake people, for god’s sake Iris, just look at us! Pretending to be desperately in love with each other since childhood because we both lost our soulmates. We are the fakest people ever!” he rages gesturing at both of them. “I pretend every day that you’re better than my soulmate, that you aren’t the biggest mistake of my life, and that I’m happy with the way my life is turning out, when in reality it’s all just a shit hole!” he is shouting, enraged, letting his emotions get the best of him. His face is red and his eyes are leaking angry tears before he points directly at her and screams, “And you! You pretend every single goddamn day that we were just meant to be together, that you’re deeply in love with me, that you’re so lucky to have me, when really, you’re just as lost as me! You wish you could have him back just as much as I wished for Y/N to be back, but we don’t let other people know that. Because what would they think? What would they say? We both chose each other before our soulmates and now… now we’re just pretending that it was the right choice.” His voice has grown quieter as the rage recedes and the depressing, crushing reality settles with him. So he sighs and runs a hand over his face tiredly, and says, “Just… we’re awful, Iris. Our relationship, us trying to be something more than friends is a mistake.” He leaves no room for argument as he goes to sit on the prison bed-like lump. However, before he even takes a step, he hears Iris.

“Barry… I know you’re upset and confused… but I never lied to you! I do love you! I don’t pretend to… I never have, never will,” she says softly, almost as if trying to make him see reason and the speedster just wants to roll his eyes at her so hard. He knows about her little investigation on cloning and the disappointment it all was, since she tried to bring back her soulmate but failed. He had heard her quiet complaints about how Barry couldn’t compare at all to him. Really, why hadn’t he done anything sooner? Oh yeah, because he was scared of being alone. “It’s that… girl! That stripper that just did some pretty movements and has you thinking that it’s really Y/N of all people!” her voice is laced with venom and hatred. No sooner have those words left her mouth, that he is _almost_ slamming her into the nearby wall and hissing at her. His previous rage coming back tenfold.

“Shut up, Iris,” he growls each word to make clear how much he means them. Iris seems surprised, but she isn’t hurt. Barry just… cornered her, not slammed her against the wall like one would expect. It was just a warning.

“You saw her die, Barry. That stripper out there isn’t Y/N!” she exclaims trying to bring her hands up on his face but he holds them down by the wrists, glaring at her like never before.

“I said. Shut. Up,” he’s tense and holding back, but he’s a ticking time bomb. She was really pushing at his buttons, knowing that he was completely broken over your death and using it against him, trying to get to him by calling you a stripper. “And stop calling her that. She’s my soulmate,” he says again with a tone that makes it clear there was no discussion while he pushes her hands away and turns back to make his way to the bed.

“She isn’t your soulmate, Allen!” Iris tries once again the minute she’s out of the shock having Barry threaten her caused. “If she was, she would have recognized you, she would’ve recognized this ring!”

“Ah, I knew I was forgetting something,” he murmurs before turning once again to face Iris. “You’re right, she must have some kind of amnesia. I will get more information on it, but until then, please give me back the ring that was meant for my soulmate,” he tries to be polite as he extends his left hand in expectation. Iris, in response, hides her left hand behind her as a small child would. She really wants to test his limits, doesn’t she? "Don't,” he snarls, "Just...Just give me back the ring, please.” Again, he tries to be polite. However, the underlying anger doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Barry...no. You don’t mean that,” Iris gasps while shaking her head. Tears are almost visible from where he’s standing, but really, he just wants his soulmate’s ring back.

"I don't mean that?" he repeats in disbelief. "You know what I really never meant Iris?" he asks while getting closer until he's just in front of her again, "Wanting to ever share my life with you. Loving you... I've never loved you, not really… and you never loved me. So just make this easier for the both of us, okay?"

“You’re just saying that. You’re going through too much at once, Barr. It’s because of that str-,” she stops midword seeing the evident threat on the male’s eyes, daring her to continue, so she rectifies, “-performer out there, right? Once you clear your head you’ll realize that you’re being unreasonable.” She says in disbelief and sadness but ending with a small, patronizing smile.

"That performer out there is my soulmate, Iris!" he shouts angrily, hating the smile she wears. It sickens him to no end. That same smile was the one that he saw at every turn he made when changing his whole life to fit hers… and he was so done with it. "She's the one, my one and only. And I should be out there, looking for her, not trapped here with you."

"Barry, Y/N is dead. She's been dead for 2 years now. You have to get over her some day. I can help you, you know that," Again, she tries to hold him. It always worked, since that is what you used to do. You held his face and grounded him, then kissed his nose and told him how everything would be alright because you had faith in him… Iris, on the other hand, didn’t have faith in him, she just told him things would be fine because he would always have her. That sentence always gave him a sinking feeling that he ignored. But he wouldn’t let it happen this time.

“You can’t help me! You’re the main reason I’m in this mess. You’re my biggest mistake and I’m stuck here with you instead of being with my greatest treasure. She’s alive, and she’s the one who should be wearing that ring. Not you. So give it back, Iris. Now!” He’s speaking with venom in his voice and hatred in his eyes. Any love or good emotions he had towards her are now truly gone. He tried to be civil, he tried to make her see his point of view, he tried being fucking polite,and she still wanted to pretend that nothing was happening? He really had no time for fakes and wannabes of his soulmate, not anymore.

"I'm... I'm not giving this back! This is rightfully mine, Allen!" she barks while hiding her left hand from him in a childish attempt to keep the ring with her, again. "Barr, just... Remember all that we've been through. We’ve known each other since we were kids! You've always loved me,” she pouts and pleads, trying to find anything that will make him see her as what he’s always seen her: perfect, saint, his one.

However, he’s far beyond the convincing lies and what never was. He’s livid, furious, and aching to get back what he, himself, had thrown away so carelessly an eternity ago.

“Loved you? Please. I was young and dumb. I didn’t know love until I met Y/N. That ring was meant for her because she’s my soulmate, my love, my life, my everything. I never loved you, I loved, and still love, Y/N. So give me the ring back, Iris.” He’s lost his will to stay civil. He’s screaming at her in hysterics. He wants Y/N back. Just to see you, hold you. The sight of Iris reminds him of all of his wrong doings, and he can’t bear it anymore.

"We have a great future together, Barr!" she cries on the verge of tears as she is once again cornered against the wall and firmly closing her left hand behind her. "We both lost our soulmates, but now we're happy. You saw the future, Barry! We ended up married, with children, the whole nine yards! So, please, please, don't do this,” Iris weeps, ruining her perfect makeup just for him.

“I’ll do whatever the hell I want. The future is not written in stone. My soulmate is alive, and she’s out there. I love her, and I’m going to prove that to her. Give it.” He brings his left hand up again, but he regrets to place it where he can see it… because his wrist that once swirled with color and a beautiful line that got around it like a bracelet just to go up in the back of his hand to his ring finger, was now blank with renewed ink that Iris had insisted on getting before he could even start to glimpse at his heartline.

 _‘I could’ve known that she was alive if it wasn’t for this_ ,’ he realizes and almost stumbles back when it hits him that he will have to live another two years without the comfort the heartline could be, and his heart breaks further.

This quiet pondering gives Iris enough time to recompose herself and push his hand away with a snarl. She did not waste the last two years and extra months when you were alive, just for nothing. The ring is the sign of victory, the sign that Barry is hers and no one else’s, that her happy ending will happen even after everything.

"I said, I'm not giving it back. This. Is. MINE." Shouting, she pushes her right hand into his chest, trying to put some distance between them. It barely manages to move him half an inch, just because he’s a little surprised by her resistance on the matter. He silently looks at her, disbelieving of the dumb choices he’s made. Hatred and heartbreak evident in his eyes, not that she could ever read them like you could.

“Don't force me, Iris. You don't know what I'm truly capable of,” he snaps one last threat, wanting this fighting to be over, the sound of her voice just making him more annoyed and mad than he already is (which, to be honest, seems rather impossible to him now).

“But Barry, love. I-,” He cuts her off, because now is where he draws a line. The reminder of his absent heartline is enough to take him further from his patience’s limits.

"I'm not your love Iris," he says. The cold rage clear before a whoosh of air makes Iris gasp and look at her hand in horror. Barry is now holding the ring in his hand and staring down at her in disgust.

Before she can say anything the door opens “Miss Romanoff will see you now,” a monotone guard tells them, and Barry quickly pushes himself from the wall and turns to the guard. He straightens his suit and calmly walks towards the exit, trying to stay calm and concentrate on the fact that he was about to see Miss Romanoff…you. That makes him become overcome with both childish excitement and cold dread.

Iris tries to hold his hand before they get out, but he curls up his lip in annoyance and takes his hand out of her reach.

“Lead the way,” he gestures to the guard with his hand as he keeps his distance from Lois, praying that this meeting will help him understand your disappearance and start to mend your relationship.

Tightening his grip on the ring that was always meant to be yours, he wonders if that’s even possible… there are so many mistakes, so many regrets.  


* * *

 

_‘Was it really her?’_

Bruce Wayne sat in a tiny prison cell, staring blankly at the ceiling as that question plagued his mind.

 _‘It can’t be,_ ’ he reasons, _‘I went through every possibility, every possible scenario and none of them… none of them gave even the slightest chance of her being alive. The blood on the street was enough to die of blood loss, and it was all hers. The video was tested and confirmed not to be altered in any way. I didn’t miss anything.’_

And yet… he was sure it was her. Every one of his senses told him it was her. Her voice, her touch, her face… the girl he had loved so much, that had accepted him and pieces him back together… the girl he had been foolish enough to let die, was alive.

 _‘But it can’t be._ _There's no logic, there's no way,”_ his mind is screaming at him and trying to deduce how all of this was some kind of sick and cruel plan by the Avengers to get them at their worst, that somehow they knew they would be there and prepared some kind of illusion... but that wouldn’t explain how he felt it. He felt his heartline buzz and come alive after years of feeling numb, when she touched his heartline lightly. How can he explain that?

He can’t, not with a logical explanation at least, and he really doesn’t want to think of the other possibility.

For two years, he has been searching for a corpse, he had accepted she was dead. It was a fact that ruled his life. He had been suffering, hating himself for not being selfish enough. But, if she’s alive… how couldn’t he find her? All his resources, all his fortune, his great intelligence, being praised and known as the best detective in the world, and he still couldn’t even figure out she was alive, much less find her.

He gets distracted, however, by a familiar sting on his cheek. Selina just slapped him. It takes him a moment to even feel it and hear her worried voice, "Bruce... Hey, Bruce," she's in front of him, looking right into his eyes. "I-I know what happened back there was... Shocking, to say the least, okay?" she stutters a bit, but tries to remain calm. She’s nervous about the whole ordeal, but she’s Catwoman after all, so she can handle a little bit of nerves… she just isn’t sure how to handle a Bruce Wayne that seems so lost.

He looks up at her for a brief moment before looking right back at his wrist, unresponsive.

She sighs, sitting beside him, "I understand, Bruce. I really... No, I don't,” her shoulders sag with the last statement. She can’t even pretend she knows what it must feel like, to know that your soulmate, the one whose death has been haunting you for years, is alive… and it surely won’t do any good to try and lie about it. "I can't even imagine what you're going through now, and I'm sorry,” she says honestly before looking up and noticing how he seems like he hasn't heard a single word. That annoys her a bit. "Bruce. C’mon, pull yourself together. We need to get out of here."

He’s scoffs but remains silent. He really can’t think about, or do, anything. Every possible explanation of how this is a plan to get him or a signal that the Joker may have finally cracked him, is going through his head.

"Bruce," she snaps again and seeing no positive response she shakes his shoulder softly, "Wayne, you...you need to focus. You're in a cell right now. Prison cell. Which means you have to get out. Do you get it?" Her voice is softer now, almost as if talking to a kid. She doesn’t know how affected he truly is, but with him being so out of it, maybe he is just kind of absent? It would make her work a lot more difficult, trying to get both of them out- Her thoughts are interrupted by his voice.

“What good would that make? Escaping this cell and, somehow, miraculously, escaping this tower. It won’t fix anything, Selina. Maybe it’s better if we do get questioned, make them think they have what they want… maybe I can discover why they did this… how they replicated her…,” the last sentences are murmured but aren’t lost to the female.

“Replicate her? Bruce Wayne, what on earth are you talking about?” she asks confused. Did he not believe in what he saw… what they both saw?

“It has to be some kind of trick, don’t you see? She died! I saw her die, we all did. There was no chance… no chance at all, that she could’ve lived…,” he seems to be talking to himself more than anything, convincing himself. However, Selina had been there for the most part of the last two years, she had seen the Wayne family suffer and crumble under the absence of one special individual… and wasn’t about to let him deny and waste the clear opportunity presented to him.

“She was real, Bruce. It was really her,” she calmly states, and he turns to her, for the first time since they entered the cell, just to glare at her. She supposes that’s the glare that gets him whatever deal he wants when dealing with bratty entrepreneurs that want to cross him, or the one that he gives the Joker every night… but Selina Kyle doesn’t even blink. “I know you want to convince yourself of… a bigger, complicated and elaborated plan to get you… but I saw it, Bruce. I saw her kind smile, her beautiful and soft eyes, the cute nose you loved to ‘boop’, the face that has haunted you…your ghost, that clearly wasn’t a ghost. Most importantly, Bruce, I saw your eyes light up when you looked at her and the most sincere smile you’ve ever given. It’s her. It’s your soulmate.”

“I...I… It can’t. I thought it was her, weeks ago. I thought that hero, the avenger that broke our window… I’ve been out of it ever since… It’s just...I’m not well rested. This was a bad idea…,” he rambles, standing up, running his hands through his perfectly groomed hair, and this is when Selina, truly, was at lost.

Dealing with him in shock and denial wasn’t that different from dealing with the super broody Batman. Dealing with a rambling, desperate man? Now, how in the hell was she supposed to do that?

“Bruce…Bruce… Bruce!” she tries to call him, but he seems to be spiraling down the proverbial rabbit hole at lighting speed, and she panics. So, she goes with what worked before. She gets up and firmly slaps him again.

That gets him to shut up.

“Bruce, listen to me, ok?” she tries again, cupping his face in her hands, “Yes, she was real. Yes, your soulmate is alive. It’s fucked up, I know. You have a million questions and no answers, I know. However, you should be happy, because, fucked up, illogical, unreasonable or whatever, she came back. You can have a second chance, the one you have been praying and hoping for. You just need to put yourself together, and I’m sure you’ll be able to get the answers you need. But first, you need to focus, okay?” Selina tries her best to give him a motivational speech that will get him somewhere. He seems to be listening intently, but still processing, so she repeats, more firm and secure this time, “You will get her back, but you need to focus first. Do it for her. Focus on her.”

“She… she was so beautiful,” he sighs and Selina almost cries out in relief and victory. Maybe it’s not the focus she was going for, but she’ll take this over rambling, panicking Bruce anytime. “The easiness and firmness in her voice were… new, but she still had that kind and knowing smile. But she didn’t know me. For a moment I thought it was just her being mad, but she really didn’t recognize me… I said her last name, L/N, and she didn’t know I was referring to her. She was genuinely confused…,” he starts walking around the cell again, but now it’s his normal pace, his hands on his back like the posh kid he grew up as, as he thought and murmured. Selina was just glad they moved from utter denial to simple logic, and while he did that, she started checking for the cell’s vulnerabilities. There wasn’t much that could be exploited, so she was a bit lost as to what to do. The high tech of it wasn’t a problem as much as the security cameras and very alert guards. “... She loved her brother, her friends, the kids; she wouldn’t stage her death. Not to mention that the video was definitely real… So, why wouldn’t she search for them if she survived? The most plausible explanation is that she has some kind of amnesia. Maybe caused by a severe trauma; most likely the accident that happened two years ago, or something worse. I need to talk to someone close to her, get more information before I approach her again.”  

“Now, that’s a plan,” Selina immediately buds in. “How would you do that?”

“Well, we’re in a cell for a reason. They will most likely question us on the breach of security… we can be cooperative with whoever asks the questions, get some basic information and then get out of here. I imagine that all six of us won’t be well received here anytime soon, but a certain group might,” he hints, and she understands perfectly. He means the Justice League. It was the best choice not to say it out loud, of course. She might not see any microphone, but that didn’t mean there weren’t any. It was enough risk to talk about Bruce being Y/N’s soulmate as it was, but she really wasn’t thinking of compromising things when she talked.

“Sounds good,” she nods and smiles softly. She’s really glad that he’s back to being the typical Bruce Wayne she knew, the one prepared for every eventuality, the one that gave her and her best friends a second chance at a better _(boring)_ lifestyle, her friend.

He nods in response, before running his right hand through his hair again, getting it in place. His hands then get to his collar, getting it right and straightening his tie. A minute later, he looks as elegant and unfazed as when they first walked into the party. Before she can comment anything, the cell’s door opens abruptly.

“Miss Romanoff will see you now,” the guard says simply, opening the door wider for them to get out. Bruce, like the gentleman he is, offers her his arm to walk. She takes it without hesitation, knowing it’ll be easier that way for them to exchange the security details they both notice along the way.

Once they’ve passed approximately three different corridors, she whispers as subtly and silently as she possibly can, “Romanoff, wasn’t that what she named herself?”

He knew who she was talking about, of course he did. “It was…,” he responds shortly, before the guard turns to look at them suspiciously. It takes Selina to stumble a bit, get help from the quick guard, six more different corridors, and four fake coughs for Bruce to continue what he was saying, “I doubt it’ll be her, though. She mentioned an adoptive sister of sorts when we talked, so I’m guessing we’ll be meeting **_that_ **Miss Romanoff” his words are hushed and hurried, and he coughs at the beginning, middle, and end of the sentence to hide it.

Finally, they stop in front of double metal doors that open after a minute or two of staring. Sure enough, it’s not Y/N that receives them, but a scary looking woman that smiles at them as they enter. It’s not a friendly or kind smile, it’s dangerous and sadistic one.

“Mr. Wayne and Miss Kyle, the couple I’ve been dying to see all night,” the tall woman says with venom clear in her voice. “The man that had all the power, all the resources, and still, didn’t do a single thing to find his heartline.”

Bruce clearly wasn’t expecting that introduction and such a low blow from this complete stranger, but he tries to remain calm. He takes a deep breath and clenches his fists, then breathes out.

He wants to scream at this woman that she knew nothing, nothing about what he had done. He had beaten low lifes, paid for information, hacked, threatened, and so much more, just to get a scrap of information on the bastard that would know where the fuck he could find his heartline, his soulmate, his love’s corpse and give her a proper burial. He had an empty tomb placed on the Wayne Mausoleum just for her, just for her loved ones to visit and pay their respects and hoping that wherever she was, she heard all that was whispered, cried and confessed to that empty piece of land, that she did forgive them even when _he_ knew _he_ didn’t deserve it. How he had dialed her number a hundred times, wanting to hear her voice at the end, with her voicemail message saying in her chirpy voice, _“You've reached Y/N L/N's phone, please leave me a message... And if you're one of my loves, please know I'm just busy or didn't hear my phone and I'll contact you as soon as possible. Bye!"_ because he remembered a time when he smiled at this and his children used to tease him that she was referring to them, not him; but he was never brave enough to hear it all.

She knew nothing, and it should stay that way. He could see the hatred in her eyes and, maybe he could understand why she would be so mad; after all, for her, it was obvious she was alive all this time. She saw it as a kind of treason and valued him as unworthy of Y/N, but even if she wasn’t the only one in the room that thought of it, he wouldn’t just give up. In her version of the events, he was clearly a bad guy, and he was okay with it. He didn’t care for her opinion or judgement. His logical side said that maybe he should, considering this was most probably Y/N’s adopted sister, and therefore, close to her but, honestly, she already had an idea set in her mind about who he was, and it would be impossible to convince her otherwise. At least, it would be in just a short interrogation. So, he hoped that Batman got a better chance to get on the redhead’s good side.

“Miss Romanoff, with all due respect,” he tries hard not to grit his teeth at her, but the glare isn’t as easily hidden, “you know nothing about me.”

“Don’t I?” she asks with mock confusion, “I know you’re Y/N’s third right heartline, I know you haven’t searched for her properly, I know that in that little head of yours, you think you have a chance of making things better and fixing your relationship with her. But guess what, Mr. Billionaire,” she says, showing that smile again, the one that screams danger, “Over my dead body will you ever get a glimpse of her again. This night? You got lucky. It won’t happen again.”

“You don’t control that, Miss Romanoff,” Selina cuts in. Her voice soft yet firm. She is letting the other female know she is here too, and she is strong enough to fight, “Y/N will decide that.”

“Oh, but she already has. She forgot about you, about her past life and chose this new, better one. She doesn’t know a thing about who you really are, so absolutely banning and never seeing you again is not a big deal.” She answers almost disinterestedly. “Anyways, I already got all the information I needed from your other two couple friends, so I’ll make this quick. Get away from Y/N. Go on with your lives as you have the past two years, pretend that this night never happened.”

There was a clear “Or else…” in there. Neither Bruce nor Selina were intimidated by it, but before Selina could defy the woman in front of them, Bruce interrupted and simply nodded.

“Very well, miss Romanoff. Can we go now? I have some very important meetings tomorrow morning, and I would hate to miss them just because of a tiny slip up,” he says, using his best boss voice. The disinterested and cold one.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Wayne, but I can see quite clearly that I haven’t made myself clear, so, since you did trespass private property, we will keep you here a while longer. Unless, of course, you want us to call the police and tell them the situation. You know...in case you feel like you’re getting held against your will.” He wants to do something to erase the smug smile from her face, but knows that he needs some time to think about his strategy.

“I do not. I just hope you won’t take long with… making your point clear,” he says, trying to keep down his disgust.

“I’ll let you two be escorted back to your cells. You will be called back in when needed,” her voice carries unquestionable finality as she exits the room with a bang.

Sighing tiredly, Bruce entertains the idea of actually escaping this little prison, searching for his love around the building, and just taking her back home. Having their happy ever after with some much needed and missed cuddles.

As a second, different guard from the one that led them there, guides them back, he tries to stay optimistic that, even if not today, now there’s a chance (as tiny as it might be) that that fantasy could become a reality.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this took longer than expected (again) but I’m pretty satisfied with the end result. As always, I have to thank immensely to my beta and best friend LoveThoseWhoArentReal who had a HUGE contribution with this whole chapter (like literally, some dialogues are straight from conversations between us) so this would never have resulted this good without her… okay let’s be honest, I wouldn’t have finished even the first scene without her. She was always there for me, being a support and my cheerleader along the way. Thank you so much for that, sweetie! Also, thank you @anonvera-1221(in Tumblr) for offering to be a temporary beta and give me such great feedback.  
> So anyways, I hope you all who have been so patiently waiting, will love this chapter as much as I do.


	7. Impact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How can you deal with and accept being rejected by your soulmate? For someone like Y/N Romanoff, the answer is easy: you don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains mentions and description of blood and violence, it mentions and discusses self-harm too. Please be aware of this before you read this chapter.

Deep, ragged breaths. Vision blurry. Aching muscles and trembling hands being forced into a fighting stance.

“Miss Romanoff, I must warn you, your body is in critical state. It is very dangerous for you to continue.” The soft voice from F.R.I.D.A.Y. echoed in the room.

“Turn warnings off. Continue training.” Your voice was hoarse and weak as you stared at the Hulkbuster armor. There were few scratches here and there that you had managed to create on it, however, as the A.I. had notified, your body was in a much worse condition.

“Confirm settings. Training mode?” F.R.I.D.A.Y. was clearly trying to make you give up on this… this...what was it, really? Hurting yourself just for the sake of it? Everything hurt already and you were about 75% sure that you had at least one broken rib and a lot more fractured. What made you want to continue?

Stopping for a second, you tried to think logically. Why did you even want to fight against the Hulkbuster armor? Even more, why were you fighting it in the hardest mode? You, alongside Dr. Banner, had programmed it to be almost unbeatable. It was a losing fight. You were good, but not this good. So _why?_

A searing pain, stronger than all your aching muscles and bones, coursed through you from your left heartline. It brought you down to your knees with a choked cry, leaving you dry sobbing for a few minutes and coughing blood while you were on the floor.

 _He doesn’t want you. He left. Everyone leaves. Your own soulmate hates you. He didn’t give you a chance see his heartline! Didn’t you see the repulsion in his eyes? He didn’t even let you see the shine of his heartline! Not even a fucking glimpse! He can’t believe he got you as a soulmate. How awful. Him, with his perfect morale and perfect being, got you… a lost girl that no one wants, that can’t even remember her own fucking name! You don’t deserve to see his shine, you don’t deserve him!_  

“Miss Romanoff, should I call someone to your aid?”, F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice broke you out of your escalating hysterics.

“No, thanks”, your voice was merely a broken whisper as you tried to get up again. You were shaking so badly, it was hard not to fall again. However, somehow you managed to calm yourself down and wiped your mouth, the blood from your lips mixing with that of your knuckles, being extremely careful not to see your left arm at all. It hurt to even breathe, but it hurt a lot more to just stay put and let those horrible thoughts consume you, to let your body feel the pain from the heartlines. So, now having remembered why you were doing this, why you were fighting a losing fight, you took a deep breath and exhaled: “Training mode: Emergency.”

“Please confirm training mode.”

You’ll have to do something with the security in this A.I., it was annoying. Yes, you knew what you were asking for. The Hulkbuster would become stronger and faster, enough so that it could put the actual Hulk in a “forced sleep” in less than five minutes… and it would probably kill you in less.

It didn’t matter, really. Your “powers” would make sure that you came back after a couple of minutes, maybe half an hour if you were right about the broken ribs, and you would be good as new… so you would have to go through this again, just to distract your body from the heartline pain. You knew what was happening, you had dedicated lots of time to studying heartlines… and, honestly? You weren’t eager for what would happen. The “little” demonstration that brought you to your knees was just the beginning. The ripping of a soulmate bond was always extremely painful and few people survived it… so, yeah, it was better to let your body be preoccupied with keeping you alive than with getting you back to your soulmate that clearly didn’t want you.

“Training mode, Emergency”, you tried again with a firmer voice.

“Confirmed. Training will start in 30 seconds.”

“Finally…”, you sighed as you rolled your eyes. Then, slowly, your forced yourself back into your fighting stance. Raising both fists up and taking a foot behind the other was extremely difficult, however, the sole reminder of what would happen if you didn’t do this made your stance firmer.

“Three… two… one… begin.”

* * *

Loki closed his book with a slam and a sigh of frustration. He rubs his temples as he tries to calm down and stop his thoughts from racing. He felt much like a prisoner… or a small child, and he really didn’t like any of those implications. He was, as of now, limited to just two floors from the whole tower, because of the big party/mission they were doing, and he felt bored out of his mind, not to mention quite enraged.

That last emotion had nothing to do with his prohibition of wandering around like a free bird, but rather the reason he was actually following the rules set upon him, you. Y/N. His queen. His soulmate… _not official yet, but soon, he just knows it ~~(hopes and prays for it),~~ deep in his heart. _

He really wanted to celebrate this day with you in a special way. He had made plans on asking Thor to give him a day on Asgard, just so he could show you the wonders of his world just like she had shown him those on your planet; but before he could even contact his brother, the Avengers had already planned the whole event and pushed you into your first official mission. Loki knew you wouldn’t be able to refuse, since this was the first time they would treat you as an official member of the team… and he wouldn’t dare ask you to give that up, especially not when he had seen how much you struggled with being taken seriously. More specifically, how you struggled with how a certain blond super soldier often looked down on you.  
Oh, how Loki loathed that man. The holier-than-thou attitude, the sneer ever-present on his face, the disappointed shake of his head and the scoldings, like you were a bratty child; it all made Loki disgusted, more so because he was reminded of his father whenever he saw such things and, if anything, Loki knew you were the person who least deserved such a treatment. So, of course the Dear Captain had been on the receiving end of his mischief and misfortune; not that it can be directly connected to him, but it was enough for Loki to feel like he was helping in the retribution of all the hurt that man caused you.

Remembering that, he felt another surge of worry flow through him, knowing that, that horrible man was allowed to be there, in the party, and not him. Of course he trusted her to be able to handle whatever problem that could arise, especially if it involved sassing the leader of the group, but he would be more comfortable knowing he was nearby, in case she needed him, be it for support or just to applaud her ingenious comebacks. But he couldn’t do any of those things here on the confined floor, reading whatever book she had recommended to keep him settled. It drove him crazy, just being there, waiting for her to come back.

So, in favor of not upsetting you by his overwhelming worrying, he decided to roam around the second floor he was allowed to be in: the training floor. Maybe he could mess around with the _truthful_ and _patriotic_ captain’s equipment.

Grinning mischievously, he tried to take the elevator but soon discovered that it wasn’t working well; probably being used by people from the party. Rolling his eyes in annoyance, he took the stairs down, two at a time. He opened the doors, grumbling all the while at the midgardian technology and stepped inside, looking around the room. It was quite big, with training devices and lockers, plus some doors that led to specialized training rooms for each avenger necessity.  
He was about to reach for the Captain’s locker when he heard a loud bang from one of the training rooms. This, he would’ve ignored in any other situation, except that this was coming from the training room you prefered; and that got him reeling. Because you only trained in that room when things were particularly hard, when you wanted to forget, wanted to escape, wanted to hurt yourself… when you wanted to die; and if you indeed were training in that room, that meant something had gone horribly gone downstairs in that awful party. A party he knew he should’ve been too, even if disguised, for your sake.

So, forgetting everything else, he hurried to the door where the sound came from and, much to his growing concern, where no more noises were heard. Pushing and pulling, he realized it was locked. He growled in frustration, seeing a number pad before him. He tried punching today’s date, your birthday, in an attempt to open it civilly. However, when the door dinged in a negative manner and the number pad cleared, clearly asking him to try again; he decided he didn’t have time for this.

He wasn’t used to conjure aggressive kind of magic, always preferring brains over brawn, using deception and illusions to win his battles; but that wouldn’t be useful here, against a door and a robotical system. So it took him more time than he would’ve liked to conjure up a spell strong enough to break the lead door; but in time, he was punching out the lock from the door and pushing it wide open.

It didn’t take long to locate you, the room was barren after all; only having a giant robot painted in red and gold, and you, laying frozen in the floor. The sight of you… it took his breath away. It felt like being punched and beaten into a pulp, like a knife settled deep within his heart and twisted with every passing second.  

Your whole body was scattered in bruises, scratches, cuts and blood… so much blood. Your arms were drawn up towards your chest, your hands closed in what at some point could be tight fists, almost like you were still trying to defend yourself uselessly. Your right leg was bent upwards and he could almost swear he can see the bone sticking out, denoting it was broken multiple times. Your head… was pulled backwards at an awkward angle, your hair a bloodied mess, your forehead harbored a deep cut, your eyes… your usually soft, warm and beautiful eyes were open, glassed over and vacant, your nose was bloodied and crooked, and your mouth was tinted crimson from your own blood.

Logically, he knew it was a temporary state. You would come back to life and all of your injuries were going to be healed before the sun rose again… but that knowledge didn’t make it any easier to see you like this.

 _One could almost think she’s asleep, ignoring all the blood_ , he thought as he kneeled near you and closed your eyes before lovingly placing your head in his lap. _My love, my queen… why would you do this?_

He didn’t understand why you’d think this was an acceptable way of coping with things. Sure, you always come back and there wouldn’t be any real damage to your body… but still. He noticed how this “training” became more frequent with time and he understood this was your way of escaping… that death brought peace that you, unfortunately, couldn’t find among the living. It broke his heart, not being able to help you, to keep you away from this… this self harm.

He caresses your cold cheek softly and decides that he won’t just keep waiting on you to come back to life. He couldn’t stand the image of you like this… beautiful, even in death and so grim and final that he wanted to scream in pain for your loss. So he starts healing you. His mother had taught him well how to use his magic to heal others and how intent and will were much more important in this kind of magic than in any other.

It flowed through him easily, the need to bring you back, to heal you… in more ways than just physically. He wanted to help you, no matter the cost, nor the obstacle.

An eternity seems to pass before he saw your chest rising up and hears your lungs fill with a gasping breath. Not long after, your eyes opened and he felt like breathing again.

_You’re alive again._

* * *

Rising from the dead was always quite an unique experience. The first breath feeling as fresh as the ocean as it sweeps through you, waking up every single nerve in your body. Opening your eyes is a first instinct and the colors seem more vibrant for a moment. Your head hurt, being presented so much information and the utter pleasure of feeling, of breathing… of being. In that blissful, glorious few seconds, your body rejoiced in being alive and your mind couldn’t fully comprehend what was happening. You just knew how good it all felt, your body almost singing in ecstasy as your eyes took everything in.

You stared into Loki’s clear blue eyes, seeing the ocean and the sky in them, the love and concern… and you wanted to smile at him. Smile because you were alive! **_Alive!_ ** Alive, alive, alive. And he was so so gorgeous! His skin was so pale and his hair so dark, and oh, how pretty he was. You wanted to touch and feel his face, his silky hair, and **_feel_ **, feel everything. You smiled with childlike wonder and took a deep breath, ready to tell him how gorgeous he is. But stopped as you smelt and enjoyed his scent, his cologne… and then, there was blood, so much blood, it reeked of blood. Sweat. Sweat and blood.

Frowning in confusion, you let your eyes wander over your body and found it covered in red… and you felt it dry on your skin, making it sticky and dry and hard to move around comfortably. You should have panicked and questioned whose blood it all was, stand up and search for a way to clean it, to get the disgusting feeling off… but you don’t.

“Lay still, my queen” Loki says as you try to sit up, trying to make sense of what’s happening and get past the cloud of euphoria in your brain. He gently places a hand on your forehead, indicating you to lay down again. You do, feeling even more confused as to why he wants to keep you there. He seems to know what you’re thinking as he smiles softly down at you and explains, “I’m healing you, my darling, and I need you to be still so I can do this quicker”

It took you a few seconds to understand what he said and, just as you began to question why exactly he needed to heal you, your world stopped as you shrieked in pain.

 

It hurts! Stop, stop! Please, stop!

 

The pain was like nothing you remembered. Deep and ever present, blinding and deafening, eternal. Your raised sensitivity made it all the worse, making you violently convulse, trying to cover and hunching into yourself, trying to protect yourself, trying to hide yourself.

But the hurt came from _inside_

 

It hurts it hurts it hurts! Stop stop stop!

 

You felt your arm, your left arm was burning. It spread all the pain in waves, being worse at the center and decreasing as it came further. On instinct, you brought your right hand to touch it, to rub it, to soothe it. But the waves, that had apparently calmed down, suddenly picked up with force and you just couldn’t breathe.

 

Stopstopstopstopstop

 

Tears were streaming down furiously through your face, but you didn’t even notice. _It hurts so much!_ Your right hand started clawing at the skin in your forearm, desperate, desperate to stop, to stop the waves, to calm down. You were actually drawing blood, scratching at your skin with nails that you wished were your claws.

Loki tried to stop you, taking your right hand in his.

 

STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTO-- _his fingers brushed_ **_ever so slightly_ ** _over your heartline..._

 

You screamed as loud as you could, but your ears were ringing and you couldn’t hear yourself. It felt like drowning, like burning, like being skinned… like dying a thousand horrible deaths at once, one not excluding of the other. It felt like nothing else existed aside from the pain, _from the hurt._ The universe was just that and you were isolated, alone in this tiny hole and it **_hurt_ **.

* * *

Bucky knew you were going to be training, because he knew you and he knew how you coped with things. He reprimanded himself thinking that he should’ve prioritized you, should have gone to you the second he knew you were hurt… but he thought he could fix it, he thought he would be able to search for you with a cure to the pain you most certainly were in.

Now, he wished he would’ve gone to search you immediately, not wasted time with… with him.

He sighed as he leaned on the elevator wall and gripped the metal bars to occupy his hands on something, wishing he could make the elevator go faster so he could find you. The more time the ride took, the more worried he’d get as he went over all the possible scenarios he could find you in, ranging from finding you safe and well, if a little pissed but fine… to finding a completely mangled corpse he had to carry to your own dorm. Both scenarios were possible… but, deep down, he knew the latter was the most probable option and he dreaded to see you dead. Ever since he had met you, when he was still the Winter Soldier and you were just a new reclute that HYDRA had taken while disguising it all as a SHIELD training camp, he had a soft spot for you and the inner fire your eyes held, despite the delicacy of your frame. Seeing you get tortured and murdered was always painful… looking at your corpse, everytime, was a nightmare.

However, when the doors finally opened, the last thing he expected was to hear your heartbreaking scream.

He was on high alert, immediately identifying the room the scream came from almost immediately. Taking a deep breath and unsheathing his knife, he hurried to the door. Before he stomped it down, he vaguely noticed it’s lock was already broken.

He was ready for attack and protect you… but the sight before him took him by surprise. You were sobbing your heart out, holding-gripping your left arm close to your chest. Your face was the clearest image of pain he ever saw, your expression deformed by the scream that tore your throat, your eyes closed and your brow furrowed so tightly that he could almost see every muscle in your face and neck being pulled. It was gruesome and shocking to see such raw pain… in you. In the back of his mind, he noticed Loki was there beside you, looking desolate and almost in as much pain as you.

Bucky finally reacted when he saw Loki start reaching to you.

“Stop”, Bucky ordered, stepping closer. You were hysterically sobbing and screaming, gripping your arm tighter. “It’s her heartline… that’s what’s hurting her. If you touch her, it will worsen her pain”

Bucky couldn’t bear to watch you like that, knowing he could do nothing to help you. Touching you now would only result on more pain for you, and seeing so much pain in you, he wanted to comfort you like he had done with your nightmares, soothe your cries like you had soothed his fears in the middle of the night… he wanted to help you so much. But right now, helping you meant staying away from you, letting the pain pass.

He had read one or two books about rejected heartlines, in case this happened. He thinks he should’ve been more prepared for this situation, like preparing the home remedies he had read about… but he just never thought this would ever happen. He thought he had more time with you…

“Her… _left_ heartline…”, Loki murmured and it was hard to hear him over the sound of your wracking sobs. Bucky clenched his fists before answering the unspoken question Loki asked.

“Rogers… he…”, with gritted teeth he tried to come up with an explanation, but found he didn’t have one nor did he want to give one. Loki was smart enough to figure what happened and honestly, retelling the story a second time would only stir his rage.

“We’ll have to take care of her, then”, Loki simply states. Bucky nods, ignoring the murderous glint in the god’s eyes. If he wants to take care of the asshole that caused this, then he’s welcome to do so. Bucky won’t intervene anymore. It had been hard to keep the god of mischief at bay with his ~~(justified)~~ vendetta against Steve, but Bucky insisted that his friend was just being blind, it was just a matter of time for him to man up and apologize… now, he truly gave up. He still loved Steve like the brother he was, but he couldn’t stand by him this time. After this, maybe never again.

 _I thought I knew him_ , he thought bitterly, _but how could he do this?_

His thoughts were paused when your sobs started dying down.

“Doll? Are you alright?”, he asked softly, resisting the urge to kneel by your side or even touch you by clenching his fists tightly.

A few heaving breaths pass by, before your shaking form slowly sat. A few moments more, you managed to face him, your lip trembling like that of a little child as you held your left arm close to your chest. It broke his heart to see you so hurt and vulnerable.

“I… I’m not… It hurt so much, my body’s still sore…”, your voice was slurred and scratchy, probably from all the screaming.

“T-that’s normal, honey. In this kind of situation, it’s normal” he tries to explain, doing his best to calm you down while trying to not mention what kind of situation this was. You probably didn’t remember it all yet, and he wished it stayed that way.

“Y/N… I’ve tried placing some healing and sedative spells on you, but you seem to have up your defenses. Can you lower them for a bit, darling?”, Loki tenderly states and, when Bucky turns to him, he can see the clear signs of him holding back from touching you.

“I-I… I don’t rem… I can’t… I don’t know how to”, you stutter out, clearly struggling to think straight and starting to slip into panic.

“That’s okay, darling”, Loki soothes you immediately. “Just breathe…”, he smiles and you obey, trying to take a deep breath and letting it out immediately.

“Now, not so fast, doll. Calm down. Follow my lead, okay?”, now Bucky’s the one holding your attention. He guides you through a simple breathing exercise until you’re somewhat calm again, then he nods to Loki, signalling he now can guide you to put down your magical defenses.

It takes a while and a couple more breathing exercises when you get frustrated at yourself for not being able to follow Loki's commands; but finally, you managed to hold down your magic shields long enough so Loki was able to somewhat soothe your pain.

At the very least, you weren’t crying anymore nor were you wincing and whining out in pain every couple of minutes.

“I think it’s safe to touch me now… just not my left arm”, you say as you slowly get up.

“You sure, doll?”, Bucky inquired and once you nodded your yes, he bent to pick you up bridal style. However, he did it slowly, giving you time to recoil from his touch at any time. You didn’t.

He walks alongside Loki towards the elevator to take you back to your floor, both silently agreeing on doing their best to help you heal and hopefully, move on.

For now, Bucky knows, it would be a night full of cuddles, movies, junk food and whatever you may need.


End file.
